'coaching' my part-time goalie son behind the goal in U11 rec games

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Could you videotape him and then give him advice while he's looking at how he played? It might be even more useful, and you wouldn't be breaking any rules and making anyone uncomfortable.

good idea, thanks.

can i suggest to the coach to spend sometime at practice with him on playing goalie? or is that bad form as well? i guess i could 'encourage' my son to ask the coach himself...

Omg, no, don't videotape the kid. God you guys are totally crazy pants!

[Anonymous]

I'm a professional coach in a high performance program (different sport).

I assume you're in a rec program. No professional/high performance coaches would tolerate this. And that is not to be controlling, but because it is a safety hazard and confusing to the kids. Only coaches should be giving them directions in the field of play. Hopefully you will be able to break this habit, otherwise, it's going to get your kid kicked off of teams in the future.

Even when I coach rec classes, I do not ask or need parents to tell their kids anything, whether related to behavior or skills. If some kind of health emergency comes up then obviously we will get the parent or call them, but I am talking about things like "keep your eyes on this or that." If a child cannot function in a group to the point where they cannot respond to directions related to their behavior or skill, then I tell the parent they are not ready for class and can try again in six months or do private lessons. This would usually relate to a child who has a condition affecting their development. Otherwise, I can give all the directions needed for the child to participate in the class. If the parent is yelling other directions, it distracts the entire class or team and poses a safety hazard for their child because they may be telling them something wrong (actually that's the understatement of the century because at least in my sport there's a 99% chance they're telling their child something that's at best irrelevant). You may think you are "helping" but you aren't - you're just teaching your child not to listen until you intervene.

So, I simply don't tolerate it and I let parents know up front the reasons why they cannot do this. Usually the people who do this don't realize that it actually negatively impacts their child. It interferes with them forming a trusting relationship with their coach. Ultimately they will never get anywhere unless you are a professional coach yourself when they tell professionals "but my mom/dad says I should..." No professional will touch this with a ten foot pole because the kid will not respect you, it will distract your entire team, and pose a safety/liability hazard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS started playing part time goalie this season, and for the first two games I stood behind near the goal and 'coached' him for every play. I never do this when he plays the field positions, only when he plays goalie. It just occurred to me I probably shouldn't be doing this, and his coach might actually not appreciate it very much, though another part time goalie's dad does this too.

What are your thoughts on this? Would the opposing team think this is not playing fair? I never intend to do this forever but I thought he could use some extra help while 'learning on the job' until he gets the basics down.

No. You shouldn't be doing this. A) no one is supposed to be behind the goal, and b) my son played travel for six years and I never once saw a goalie play better when their parent was on the sideline "coaching".

Leave the coaching to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS started playing part time goalie this season, and for the first two games I stood behind near the goal and 'coached' him for every play. I never do this when he plays the field positions, only when he plays goalie. It just occurred to me I probably shouldn't be doing this, and his coach might actually not appreciate it very much, though another part time goalie's dad does this too.

What are your thoughts on this? Would the opposing team think this is not playing fair? I never intend to do this forever but I thought he could use some extra help while 'learning on the job' until he gets the basics down.

Stop it immediately. You are interfering with the coach's job. Further, your son will never get better if you are telling him what to do. Lastly, it's too much to process for a kid to react on the field, hear instruction from the coach, and also deal with a nightmare parent like you.

Seriously. If you care about your son, get a grip and stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, why don't you just take him to the field, put him in front of the goal, and kick the ball at him a couple of hundred times. This isn't hard. That's all the "training" he needs at this point.

oh really? you're a genius!

Op, that's pretty much it. My younger sister, when 11, hit a tennis ball against the side of our barn every day for 2 summers. She had no other lessons as my parents could not afford them. In HS, she was the second singles seed behind a girl who had had 2x week private lessons from when she was 10. And every now and again my sister would beat her. Not a huge fan of Gladwell, but about 10,000 times clearly worked for my sister.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps don't go to the games if the temptation is too much.

There are a couple of parents I know doing this type of thing. It's highly embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a certified coach (there are 5 levels in his sport, he's a level 5 coach) and a former Div I player of the sport. He never utters a word to our sons' during their games beyond "nice job", etc, unless he happens to be their coach.

Just don't. It makes you look bad, and the poor directions most parent's yell are cringe-worthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a certified coach (there are 5 levels in his sport, he's a level 5 coach) and a former Div I player of the sport. He never utters a word to our sons' during their games beyond "nice job", etc, unless he happens to be their coach.

Just don't. It makes you look bad, and the poor directions most parent's yell are cringe-worthy.

I've heard from many coaches that the former athletes are often the easiest parents to deal with. They just say "nice job" and "thanks, coach."

[Anonymous]

You coach during the week at games let them play.

[Anonymous]

Yeah great advice folks, they're down 0-2 within 5 minutes and down 4 goals before half time, and the coach had to sub my kid out to save him from his own teammates yelling.

'Just chill and let the coach coach.' Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Saw a U9 travel parent coaching behind his kid today.

If you consider "How could you let that happen?" and "Charge out at that kid" to be "coaching."

[Anonymous]

No I don't, and that's not what I did, nor the other dad. Despite what you want to believe we are not all clueless about 'coaching' just because we're not the coaches.

Point is, we all want our kids to succeed and to have a positive experience, and we step in when we see there's a legitimate need to so so. We'll also happily step aside when asked to, or when the need isn't there anymore.

Make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a certified coach (there are 5 levels in his sport, he's a level 5 coach) and a former Div I player of the sport. He never utters a word to our sons' during their games beyond "nice job", etc, unless he happens to be their coach.

Just don't. It makes you look bad, and the poor directions most parent's yell are cringe-worthy.

I've heard from many coaches that the former athletes are often the easiest parents to deal with. They just say "nice job" and "thanks, coach."

Pretty much. I'm a former high level competitor in a different sport, and I never interfere with the kids' instructors/coach during the events. We may discuss aftr if they are so inclined, but otherwise I butt out. I had my day, it's time for theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah great advice folks, they're down 0-2 within 5 minutes and down 4 goals before half time, and the coach had to sub my kid out to save him from his own teammates yelling.

'Just chill and let the coach coach.' Yeah right.

The coach did what he should do--substitute. I'm not sure how a parent providing directions from behind the goal would improve things in this scenario. Coaching during the week might improve the performance, but during the game? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah great advice folks, they're down 0-2 within 5 minutes and down 4 goals before half time, and the coach had to sub my kid out to save him from his own teammates yelling.

'Just chill and let the coach coach.' Yeah right.

Are you the OP?

If so, first, were the 4 goals because the other team was really good? Second, do any of the other kids on the team realize that goals conceded in soccer are almost always on the defense (or the team as a whole) not the keeper?

Third, if he's horribly out of position or letting balls slip through his hands, then either he needs coaching before the game on how to do these things or reminders - from his actual coach not his dad - on his positioning. Or he needs a new position (having coached youth there are some kids who simply aren't cut out to be GKs).