s/o do you judge your friends who divorce

[Anonymous]

I judge how people divorce but not the fact that they are divorcing. Jerks who get super hostile and put their children through hell? I judge. People who decided they were done and act like adults and keep the drama between the adults? No judgement. No kids? Kudos to you for knowing it was wrong before kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judge how people divorce but not the fact that they are divorcing. Jerks who get super hostile and put their children through hell? I judge. People who decided they were done and act like adults and keep the drama between the adults? No judgement. No kids? Kudos to you for knowing it was wrong before kids!

I agree, and especially those who cheated on the spouse and kids. I usually hope they get their just desserts after doing that to their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I know two things first hand:

1) Marriage is hard and complex and long (Been married 15 years)
2) Divorce is hard and complex and long (having lived through 2 of them as a child.)

I have nothing but sympathy when I hear people are splitting.

+1. I feel the same and especially when children are involved.

[Anonymous]

These judging comments hurt. I'm currently divorcing my husband due to his anxiety disorder that was sucking the life out of me. There was no future in which I could be happy with him. This isn't something I'll share with people though, it's his private business. And for that I'll apparently be judged

[Anonymous]

I am divorced and all of my friends were very supportive. The girl who sits next to me at work got divorced a few months after I did and I didn't pry. I just let her tell me what she wanted to tell me without asking. It's not really my business why they made that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. How is this any of my business?!

Thank you! Your life your rules.People really need to learn to mind their own business and worry about their own problems. The people who are always judging have nothing better to do, unproductive and always hide their problems. Volunteer for habitat for for humanity, women's shelter, feed the poor anything to occupy your time.

Btw, I've never been married.

[Anonymous]

I didn't judge my brother and SIL for divorcing, but I judged the hell out of the choices each of them made afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These judging comments hurt. I'm currently divorcing my husband due to his anxiety disorder that was sucking the life out of me. There was no future in which I could be happy with him. This isn't something I'll share with people though, it's his private business. And for that I'll apparently be judged

+1. My ex and I split after his repeated uncontrollable philandering with just about anyone, my discovery of which lead me to discover his secret drinking and prescription drug abuse. Subsequently he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and he refused to get and stay on medication. None of this is known except to a few of my closest friends and family.

He has admitted that his family of origin and new wife don't know any of this. I know they judge me for the divorce and draw all kinds of mistaken assumptions about our divorce and my post-divorce choices. I don't care because they don't have a clue what was and is really happening, and I know I have made the right choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. How is this any of my business?!

Thank you! Your life your rules.People really need to learn to mind their own business and worry about their own problems. The people who are always judging have nothing better to do, unproductive and always hide their problems. Volunteer for habitat for for humanity, women's shelter, feed the poor anything to occupy your time.

Btw, I've never been married.

Of course. So you've never watched your kids best friend's life become a complete mess and help him "be a good friend" until all he'll breaks loose and you have to explain dumping toxic friends.

[Anonymous]

As a divorced person , I worry about making some married friends feel bad when they are going crazy in their marriages but are too afraid to divorce. It can make them feel like they just gave up and in a way are just waiting to die.

[Anonymous]

Oh who cares. People will always judge. If it's not this is something else. As long as they keep their judgements to themselves, they won't hear anything from me.

[Anonymous]

I've been married 20 years now. Marriage has its up and downs and people at 28 are very different than 48.

I've started to see it all and get a better understanding.

I was more opinionated and black and white in my views in my youth. I see things in shades of gray now. Things aren't right or wrong. There is no right answer for everyone.

I might wonder, but I'd never judge or think unkind thoughts. Ive been through enough to know nobody truly knows what goes on in anyone's family.

Spouses often appear very different in their everyday personas. I know many accusing one divorce as the wife's fault and feeling sorry for the charming husband that had everyone fooled.

You truly don't know.

[Anonymous]

No, but I judge them if they have married 3 or more times before age 40. After 2 divorces, I feel like maybe you should just be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming nothing awful (abuse etc), do you have opinions on your friends that divorce? do you typically think they made their right call and are happy for them (assuming they initiated or it was mutual) or feel like they were irresponsible / didn't try hard enough etc?

Did you want to know the "why" and did that change your judgement of them?

No, with the exception of one couple, I think they made the correct choice. With the lone exception, I really have no idea why and can't see any obvious reason, but respect that they are capable of making prudent choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These judging comments hurt. I'm currently divorcing my husband due to his anxiety disorder that was sucking the life out of me. There was no future in which I could be happy with him. This isn't something I'll share with people though, it's his private business. And for that I'll apparently be judged

Don't worry. The vast majority of your friends and neighbors are NOT judging you. We love you and want you to be happy. We may love your husband, too, and be sad you are splitting but that does not translate into judgment.

Most adults are mature enough to know what they don't know -- meaning they can never really know what goes on inside a marriage and are in no position to pass judgement.