Famous last words: I would NEVER cheat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of us are perfect. Yeah, some of the posters here are sanguine about infidelity or actually brag about it. I think most of us disapprove of it, but are afraid to be too judgmental because we realize that we're all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. We may never intend to cheat but then something happens. A mistake, an opportunity, an unexpected crush.

Tell us your stories of near-misses and almost affairs. Tell us of your stories of human failure and weakness. What happened next? Did it turn into a full-blown affair or was it a mistake you vow never to repeat and never to reveal to anyone (except DCUM...we'll never tell)? Was there any fallout?

Please share your sex, age and marital status.

Of course we are all fundamentally flawed. And of course no one is perfect. However, our flaws and imperfections are not identical. So you cannot say that we are all one moment of weakness away from cheating. I know it makes you feel better about your (potential lack of) moral character, but don't paint everyone with the same broad brush.

Certainly, we aren't ALL one moment of weakness away from anything. But if you think there aren't many stories out there of slip ups or near misses, you're deluding yourself. You're also looking at it from the wrong point of view. I also asked for stories where it ALMOST happened. In that case, I would say it reveals quite a bit of character and strength not to succumb to temptation. Possibly more than someone who has never been tempted or tested.

Clearly you are on a much higher plane of morality than the rest of us mere mortals. I bow down before you, oh beacon of goodness and light.

So defensive!

I didn't say that there aren't stories of near misses, did I? Nor did I claim to be a beacon of goodness and light. I agreed we all have flaws. We even all have moral failings. But we do not all almost commit adultery. Some of us have very strong boundaries, and don't find ourselves in situations where anything could even "almost" happen.

A

You'll note in the text I said, "we are all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness." I did not say that we have all almost committed adultery. Some have, some have come close, some haven't even come close or even entertained the thought. There is no contradiction there.

Your thread title includes the word "cheat." The second sentence of your paragraph is about cheating. Your fourth and fifth sentences are also about cheating. The third sentence - sandwiched between those - was about how we are all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. Which, in a thread about cheating and immediately following a sentence about cheating, would imply that you were talking about cheating, and not any other moral failing. So in a thread that is explicitly about cheating, with a precedent sentence about cheating, and multiple follow-on sentences about cheating, you didn't mean to single out cheating in just that one sentence?

Um..okay. Not contradictory at all.

[Anonymous]

^^^ If you're going to quote such a voluminous amount of text, can you at least make your reply interesting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I love to talk about my affair and one doesn't nearly get enough chances IRL.

I've cheated once. I mean, with one person over a number of months. I'm F, married 18 years. Late 40s. Did not cheat in HS, college, post college boyfriend. Just not interested. But, at the same time, I knew I had the capacity. And I knew it wasn't a definite dealbreaker for me if my DH cheated. Not because I expected it, but because I didn't know how I'd react to it.

Anyway, back to the story. DH and I have our own dynamic, which can work very well, generally. Then a number of years ago we had a crisis, and instead of letting that bring us together as we had in the past during other crises, and we started drifting apart. It was both of our faults, perfect storm, whatever. And we had issues that we didn't talk about, we did not talk about feelings, or being distant. I didn't even really notice the drift until we were very far apart. By that point I didn't want to touch or be touched by DH. Duty sex. When we had the duty sex I was thinking about other men. A few in particular. Before the drift I also always masturbated with DH in mind. Then afterwards ... anybody else. Well, not anybody! I had my favorites.

Then I met AP. We spent a bit of time collaborating on a project over a few months, and at some point I realized I had a crush on him, and that was really fun. I was enjoying it. I knew he liked me, too, at least for a while. And then I realized the feelings were mutual, and he REALLY liked me. We were both married.

So, after I realized that he liked me, too, I told him I had a crush on him, big time. I was a little nervous to tell him, but not because I thought it would go over poorly, b/c I was certain the feelings were reciprocated. But because it is always tough to put yourself out there like that, and we were still working together. And because I knew I should have told my DH instead of my crush. But the nervous was not enough to stop me.

Well, blah blah blah I told him, and it was received favorably. We talked about it over a couple of weeks and then he made the first physical move. Very much wanted wanted physical move. And it evolved into a full-blown affair.

A number of months later her was caught, and then I was caught. Fallout. Yes. I can't work with this person every again. I've really fucked up my marriage, and my kids, while they don't know what actually happened, can feel the tension, still.

Do I vow never to do this again? No. I don't. If ap approached me again I'd hook up with him again in a Rockville minute. But I don't have aspirations to getting involved with another AP. The timing and situations for both of us were perfect (or ... unfortunate, I suppose, if you look at it from our spouse's points of view). It was what he needed and what I needed. Not that we couldn't have met those needs in better, more productive, and less cheaty ways. I know. But since you aren't going to judge me.... (hahahahaha! JK, I know you are)

It wasn't a moment of weakness. It was thought out, planned, and very very deliberate. It wasn't that I was one moment away from cheating. I was hundreds and thousands of moments away from my husband. I made the choices, I took action, and I own those. I also, like I said, would do it again. I don't really regret it yet, and it has been 18 months since D-day.

Seriously?! What kind of person doesn't regret fucking up their marriage and their kids?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I love to talk about my affair and one doesn't nearly get enough chances IRL.

I've cheated once. I mean, with one person over a number of months. I'm F, married 18 years. Late 40s. Did not cheat in HS, college, post college boyfriend. Just not interested. But, at the same time, I knew I had the capacity. And I knew it wasn't a definite dealbreaker for me if my DH cheated. Not because I expected it, but because I didn't know how I'd react to it.

Anyway, back to the story. DH and I have our own dynamic, which can work very well, generally. Then a number of years ago we had a crisis, and instead of letting that bring us together as we had in the past during other crises, and we started drifting apart. It was both of our faults, perfect storm, whatever. And we had issues that we didn't talk about, we did not talk about feelings, or being distant. I didn't even really notice the drift until we were very far apart. By that point I didn't want to touch or be touched by DH. Duty sex. When we had the duty sex I was thinking about other men. A few in particular. Before the drift I also always masturbated with DH in mind. Then afterwards ... anybody else. Well, not anybody! I had my favorites.

Then I met AP. We spent a bit of time collaborating on a project over a few months, and at some point I realized I had a crush on him, and that was really fun. I was enjoying it. I knew he liked me, too, at least for a while. And then I realized the feelings were mutual, and he REALLY liked me. We were both married.

So, after I realized that he liked me, too, I told him I had a crush on him, big time. I was a little nervous to tell him, but not because I thought it would go over poorly, b/c I was certain the feelings were reciprocated. But because it is always tough to put yourself out there like that, and we were still working together. And because I knew I should have told my DH instead of my crush. But the nervous was not enough to stop me.

Well, blah blah blah I told him, and it was received favorably. We talked about it over a couple of weeks and then he made the first physical move. Very much wanted wanted physical move. And it evolved into a full-blown affair.

A number of months later her was caught, and then I was caught. Fallout. Yes. I can't work with this person every again. I've really fucked up my marriage, and my kids, while they don't know what actually happened, can feel the tension, still.

Do I vow never to do this again? No. I don't. If ap approached me again I'd hook up with him again in a Rockville minute. But I don't have aspirations to getting involved with another AP. The timing and situations for both of us were perfect (or ... unfortunate, I suppose, if you look at it from our spouse's points of view). It was what he needed and what I needed. Not that we couldn't have met those needs in better, more productive, and less cheaty ways. I know. But since you aren't going to judge me.... (hahahahaha! JK, I know you are)

It wasn't a moment of weakness. It was thought out, planned, and very very deliberate. It wasn't that I was one moment away from cheating. I was hundreds and thousands of moments away from my husband. I made the choices, I took action, and I own those. I also, like I said, would do it again. I don't really regret it yet, and it has been 18 months since D-day.

Seriously?! What kind of person doesn't regret fucking up their marriage and their kids?!

I dunno, but based on the replies so far, there are only two kinds of people in this thread: those claiming to be saints and admitted sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ If you're going to quote such a voluminous amount of text, can you at least make your reply interesting?

Wow. What a witty comeback.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't feel like a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

I bit, but it was an emotional/ cyber affair. It nearly ruined everything I had.

I'll post, but some don't consider this a real transgression, but it was ( in the context of my relationship) and there was real damage. It's taken a lot to overcome. Happy To share.. DW here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't feel like a sociopath.

Of course, sociopaths are very self aware so there is no way that you have a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

I am a weak person and find the fantasy of cheating enticing. Unfortunately given my personality the reality of actually ever doing it would be more trouble than it would be worth. If I did not love my spouse maybe I would feel differently about it. I would also feel very guilty and a failure to my children. I would also feel very guilty if the other person was married.

Cheating just seems to me like it would be a huge, stressful hassle. If I just want to ejaculate and for some reason don't want to do it with my wife, or she's not around, there are much simpler ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bit, but it was an emotional/ cyber affair. It nearly ruined everything I had.

I'll post, but some don't consider this a real transgression, but it was ( in the context of my relationship) and there was real damage. It's taken a lot to overcome. Happy To share.. DW here.

I'm interested please share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bit, but it was an emotional/ cyber affair. It nearly ruined everything I had.

I'll post, but some don't consider this a real transgression, but it was ( in the context of my relationship) and there was real damage. It's taken a lot to overcome. Happy To share.. DW here.

I'm interested please share.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of us are perfect. Yeah, some of the posters here are sanguine about infidelity or actually brag about it. I think most of us disapprove of it, but are afraid to be too judgmental because we realize that we're all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. We may never intend to cheat but then something happens. A mistake, an opportunity, an unexpected crush.

Tell us your stories of near-misses and almost affairs. Tell us of your stories of human failure and weakness. What happened next? Did it turn into a full-blown affair or was it a mistake you vow never to repeat and never to reveal to anyone (except DCUM...we'll never tell)? Was there any fallout?

Please share your sex, age and marital status.

I have never had the opportunity. I am sure if I did I would have cheated. But looks and age, women are just no interested.

I do think that cheating is much more prevalent among the beautiful people or women. Women have the ability to have sex anytime so it really boils down to attractive men or females cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for a decade and honestly cheating on my husband has just never crossed my mind, no matter who I have been recently hanging out with.

I'll point out I also wasn't a huge dater when I was single. Only had a few boy friends, etc. I found dating exhausting. Was very happy to marry my DH and put it all behind me.

I have my weaknesses, but adultery just isn't one of them.

Oh yes, that is just what I said. I rarely dated and have always been geeky. Happy to be married and accepted my low sex relationship. Never tempted. And THEN he walked into the office and it has been personal mayhem ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of us are perfect. Yeah, some of the posters here are sanguine about infidelity or actually brag about it. I think most of us disapprove of it, but are afraid to be too judgmental because we realize that we're all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. We may never intend to cheat but then something happens. A mistake, an opportunity, an unexpected crush.

Tell us your stories of near-misses and almost affairs. Tell us of your stories of human failure and weakness. What happened next? Did it turn into a full-blown affair or was it a mistake you vow never to repeat and never to reveal to anyone (except DCUM...we'll never tell)? Was there any fallout?

Please share your sex, age and marital status.

Of course we are all fundamentally flawed. And of course no one is perfect. However, our flaws and imperfections are not identical. So you cannot say that we are all one moment of weakness away from cheating. I know it makes you feel better about your (potential lack of) moral character, but don't paint everyone with the same broad brush.

+1
Hate to tell ya, but it's true. I'm not perfect, but I would never treat someone that way.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the cheaters are necessarily sociopaths. But they are entirely selfish and lacking in moral fiber.

Its not a negative to be faithful, whatever the reason - laziness, lack of impulse or genuine happiness.

Anyone who has attacked those who said they are faithful, well you're just the crap the rest of us scrape off our shoes.