Famous last words: I would NEVER cheat!

[Anonymous]

Married 20 years get hit on about 2 times a year. I have multiple bosses that have tried to start affairs, many coworkers with whom I have had incredible chemistry.

I avoid anybody that is a threat to my marriage. Toxic friends, coworkers that hit on me, bosses that want to have affairs. No lunches. No happy hours.

I never let it get to a point where somebody would "slip up". I make it clear it is not okay.

I see there are a few people that have never had opportunities to cheat, I think that is more rare than those of us that have had opportunities to cheat, but didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of us are perfect. Yeah, some of the posters here are sanguine about infidelity or actually brag about it. I think most of us disapprove of it, but are afraid to be too judgmental because we realize that we're all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. We may never intend to cheat but then something happens. A mistake, an opportunity, an unexpected crush.

Tell us your stories of near-misses and almost affairs. Tell us of your stories of human failure and weakness. What happened next? Did it turn into a full-blown affair or was it a mistake you vow never to repeat and never to reveal to anyone (except DCUM...we'll never tell)? Was there any fallout?

Please share your sex, age and marital status.

Of course we are all fundamentally flawed. And of course no one is perfect. However, our flaws and imperfections are not identical. So you cannot say that we are all one moment of weakness away from cheating. I know it makes you feel better about your (potential lack of) moral character, but don't paint everyone with the same broad brush.

Certainly, we aren't ALL one moment of weakness away from anything. But if you think there aren't many stories out there of slip ups or near misses, you're deluding yourself. You're also looking at it from the wrong point of view. I also asked for stories where it ALMOST happened. In that case, I would say it reveals quite a bit of character and strength not to succumb to temptation. Possibly more than someone who has never been tempted or tested.

Clearly you are on a much higher plane of morality than the rest of us mere mortals. I bow down before you, oh beacon of goodness and light.

So defensive!

I didn't say that there aren't stories of near misses, did I? Nor did I claim to be a beacon of goodness and light. I agreed we all have flaws. We even all have moral failings. But we do not all almost commit adultery. Some of us have very strong boundaries, and don't find ourselves in situations where anything could even "almost" happen.

A

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 20 years get hit on about 2 times a year. I have multiple bosses that have tried to start affairs, many coworkers with whom I have had incredible chemistry.

I avoid anybody that is a threat to my marriage. Toxic friends, coworkers that hit on me, bosses that want to have affairs. No lunches. No happy hours.

I never let it get to a point where somebody would "slip up". I make it clear it is not okay.

I see there are a few people that have never had opportunities to cheat, I think that is more rare than those of us that have had opportunities to cheat, but didn't.

I agree. It's simple for me. Why would I want to lose my spouse, lifestyle, kids, over someone that would proposition a married person. imo that person is a pos not worth wasting oxygen on let alone losing everything over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of us are perfect. Yeah, some of the posters here are sanguine about infidelity or actually brag about it. I think most of us disapprove of it, but are afraid to be too judgmental because we realize that we're all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness. We may never intend to cheat but then something happens. A mistake, an opportunity, an unexpected crush.

Tell us your stories of near-misses and almost affairs. Tell us of your stories of human failure and weakness. What happened next? Did it turn into a full-blown affair or was it a mistake you vow never to repeat and never to reveal to anyone (except DCUM...we'll never tell)? Was there any fallout?

Please share your sex, age and marital status.

Of course we are all fundamentally flawed. And of course no one is perfect. However, our flaws and imperfections are not identical. So you cannot say that we are all one moment of weakness away from cheating. I know it makes you feel better about your (potential lack of) moral character, but don't paint everyone with the same broad brush.

Certainly, we aren't ALL one moment of weakness away from anything. But if you think there aren't many stories out there of slip ups or near misses, you're deluding yourself. You're also looking at it from the wrong point of view. I also asked for stories where it ALMOST happened. In that case, I would say it reveals quite a bit of character and strength not to succumb to temptation. Possibly more than someone who has never been tempted or tested.

Clearly you are on a much higher plane of morality than the rest of us mere mortals. I bow down before you, oh beacon of goodness and light.

So defensive!

I didn't say that there aren't stories of near misses, did I? Nor did I claim to be a beacon of goodness and light. I agreed we all have flaws. We even all have moral failings. But we do not all almost commit adultery. Some of us have very strong boundaries, and don't find ourselves in situations where anything could even "almost" happen.

A

You'll note in the text I said, "we are all fundamentally flawed and have moments of weakness." I did not say that we have all almost committed adultery. Some have, some have come close, some haven't even come close or even entertained the thought. There is no contradiction there.

[Anonymous]

I have pulled my fair share of crap over the years, but I couldn't cheat. I wouldn't be able to face myself in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Stop feeding the troll people.

[Anonymous]

OK, I love to talk about my affair and one doesn't nearly get enough chances IRL.

I've cheated once. I mean, with one person over a number of months. I'm F, married 18 years. Late 40s. Did not cheat in HS, college, post college boyfriend. Just not interested. But, at the same time, I knew I had the capacity. And I knew it wasn't a definite dealbreaker for me if my DH cheated. Not because I expected it, but because I didn't know how I'd react to it.

Anyway, back to the story. DH and I have our own dynamic, which can work very well, generally. Then a number of years ago we had a crisis, and instead of letting that bring us together as we had in the past during other crises, and we started drifting apart. It was both of our faults, perfect storm, whatever. And we had issues that we didn't talk about, we did not talk about feelings, or being distant. I didn't even really notice the drift until we were very far apart. By that point I didn't want to touch or be touched by DH. Duty sex. When we had the duty sex I was thinking about other men. A few in particular. Before the drift I also always masturbated with DH in mind. Then afterwards ... anybody else. Well, not anybody! I had my favorites.

Then I met AP. We spent a bit of time collaborating on a project over a few months, and at some point I realized I had a crush on him, and that was really fun. I was enjoying it. I knew he liked me, too, at least for a while. And then I realized the feelings were mutual, and he REALLY liked me. We were both married.

So, after I realized that he liked me, too, I told him I had a crush on him, big time. I was a little nervous to tell him, but not because I thought it would go over poorly, b/c I was certain the feelings were reciprocated. But because it is always tough to put yourself out there like that, and we were still working together. And because I knew I should have told my DH instead of my crush. But the nervous was not enough to stop me.

Well, blah blah blah I told him, and it was received favorably. We talked about it over a couple of weeks and then he made the first physical move. Very much wanted wanted physical move. And it evolved into a full-blown affair.

A number of months later her was caught, and then I was caught. Fallout. Yes. I can't work with this person every again. I've really fucked up my marriage, and my kids, while they don't know what actually happened, can feel the tension, still.

Do I vow never to do this again? No. I don't. If ap approached me again I'd hook up with him again in a Rockville minute. But I don't have aspirations to getting involved with another AP. The timing and situations for both of us were perfect (or ... unfortunate, I suppose, if you look at it from our spouse's points of view). It was what he needed and what I needed. Not that we couldn't have met those needs in better, more productive, and less cheaty ways. I know. But since you aren't going to judge me.... (hahahahaha! JK, I know you are)

It wasn't a moment of weakness. It was thought out, planned, and very very deliberate. It wasn't that I was one moment away from cheating. I was hundreds and thousands of moments away from my husband. I made the choices, I took action, and I own those. I also, like I said, would do it again. I don't really regret it yet, and it has been 18 months since D-day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for a decade and honestly cheating on my husband has just never crossed my mind, no matter who I have been recently hanging out with.

I'll point out I also wasn't a huge dater when I was single. Only had a few boy friends, etc. I found dating exhausting. Was very happy to marry my DH and put it all behind me.

I have my weaknesses, but adultery just isn't one of them.

This is me also. Too much work!

[Anonymous]

This would be one of those moments when I wish I knew how to insert one of the eating popcorn emoticons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for a decade and honestly cheating on my husband has just never crossed my mind, no matter who I have been recently hanging out with.

I'll point out I also wasn't a huge dater when I was single. Only had a few boy friends, etc. I found dating exhausting. Was very happy to marry my DH and put it all behind me.

I have my weaknesses, but adultery just isn't one of them.

This is me also. Too much work!

I would actually be a bit insulted if I found out the primary reason for my wife remaining faithful to me was laziness.

[Anonymous]

I can't get over all the holier-than-though responses! I thought for sure all the adulterers would be sharing their stories. I, like a PP, do not get enough chances to talk about my almost-affair IRL.

27, F. With coworker after a holiday happy hour that included tequila. Casually ongoing 3 months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for a decade and honestly cheating on my husband has just never crossed my mind, no matter who I have been recently hanging out with.

I'll point out I also wasn't a huge dater when I was single. Only had a few boy friends, etc. I found dating exhausting. Was very happy to marry my DH and put it all behind me.

I have my weaknesses, but adultery just isn't one of them.

This is me also. Too much work!

I would actually be a bit insulted if I found out the primary reason for my wife remaining faithful to me was laziness.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I would love to have an affair but nobody finds me attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to have an affair but nobody finds me attractive.

This doesn't even warrant a response. Please, nobody bite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to have an affair but nobody finds me attractive.

This doesn't even warrant a response. Please, nobody bite.

That depends on your idea of fun. This has real potential.