Famous last words: I would NEVER cheat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife that doesn't want to spend time with me. Yells a lot. Says shit like "you are a fucking moron.". Throws things at me. Hits the kids. Etc. years of this left me unhappy.

I never cheated ... I just said it wasn't worth it. Then I met a girl at work who was just different. One of those people who you instantly connect with. Funny, charismatic, pretty, and most of all intellectually equal. I was immediately attracted, but didn't pursue it.

Over time our work started to coincide more, we realized we were good together as a team at the office and we spent more and more time together. I still didn't see the danger.

I started flirting a bit, mostly cause it irritated her in a sort of humorous way, and I could tell she liked the attention. I still didn't see a problem.

Three months ago we end up going out for drinks with other coworkers - a few leave early and we end up deciding to have a nightcap at her hotel. Bars closed. She suggests room service will have wine, and I agree. Amazingly I still didn't think this would lead anywhere.

An hour later we are in bed making out. I stop her and I leave. As shitty as my life at home is, I'd not cheated in 19 years of marriage.

The next week we end up at a conference in Vegas together. This time I can't say no. I just wanted it: not for the sexual aspect but because I just wanted to feel wanted again. Special. Attractive. Valued. Important.

I know, I'm a piece of shit.

You aren't a POS, you are a saint for putting up with a horrible spouse and going that long without cheating. Go get yourself some more!

It's been emotionally draining. Spend a night with her, stay up till 5am talking, laughing, etc. Come home and get called a "fucking dipshit" because of how I set up the dining room table for dinner (the issue being I set up in the formal dining room, not in the casual eating area). It's exhausting always walking on eggshells.

I imagine it's probably exhausting for your kids to get beat by their mom to. I can't gloss over that to make you fee good about your AP.. You have a responsibility to protect your kids.

I know. It's not easy to walk out, and despite DWs issues - many of which stem from her depression (not known when we got married, or just not as pronounced) - it isn't so easy to fuck off. The introduction of an AP just complicates and clouds things further for me. Clarity on what's right isn't easy when it's your own life.

Regardless, I know you are right.

Look, I'm not blaming you for falling someone who is good to you and I'm not saying it will be easy, but your kids deserve to live in a home where they aren't verbally and physically abused.
You have your AP for relief. Who do your kids have? A mom that abuses them and a dad that allows it to happen.
Your kids when they are grown will be far more understanding of a divorce an even an AP if it results in them being able to be away from their abuser.
There will be nothing but anger and resentment for you and their mom if you do nothing.
Call here to start 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Good luck to you and your kids. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

The near misses are a choice. I choose to keep same sex friends. I choose to come home after work. I choose to devote extra energy to my family and spouse. Those choices are not an accident. They're meant to protect my spouse, my family and my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think abusive spouses are a driving force in unplanned cheating. It is such a surprise and unexpected thing when suddenly there is someone who valued and appreciates you for who you are. It's hard to leave an abusive marriage given the very nature of the effect abuse has on the spouses sense of self. It's sheer strength, anyone who can break free from that cycle whether it takes a fling with an AP or not.

Sorry, abuse is no excuse. I've been in two abusive long term relationships, the second one cheated on me extensively. Never would I have nor did I cheat. I thought about it long and hard with the second one - sauce for the gander and all that - but in the end even though I clearly had low self-esteem to be in such a relationship, I had a core of honesty that simply wouldn't allow me to do such a thing.

careful now, you don't want to hurt yourself when you fall down off of that high horse of yours.

Abuse is the one time I'm sympathetic to cheaters. That's not to say the cheating is right , but I can understand how someone could easily fall for someone who made them feel human again after years of being treated like less than dirt.

It's great you were able to find away to get out of your relationships on your own, but sometimes other people need a little outside encouragement.