Do STEM guys make good spouses and fathers?

[Anonymous]

My husband is an engineer but he is TERRIBLE at loading the dishwasher. TERRIBLE!

[Anonymous]

Mine, not so much. He over analyzes everything, is critical of people who aren't as smart as he is (including me), doesn't understand how challenging math is for DS therefore resorts to yelling and insults. He's always doing something, but never finishes what he starts, and thrives in clutter.

So, is he a good DH? I guess, I have nothing to compare to. He's a messy slob and that bothers me. Is he a good father? If he could be more patient, less critical yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're super in the sack, too. Every one of them is hung like a gorilla.

In my experience (sample size = 1), they are fantastic husbands and fathers. In addition to being smart and analytical, he's humble, kindhearted, and honest--a real mensch. He's endlessly patient with our young child and is an excellent caregiver.

I will say, though, that he was an extremely late bloomer. He was seriously emotionally immature when we met, and he was 30 at the time. But he's "grown up" to be exactly the person I believed he could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literal thinkers. They will take what you say at face-value. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Say it exactly. Don't expect attention to nuance, figurative language - ie don't expect poetry or attention to frivolous detail. If observing "special" dates is important - anniversary, etc - give them reminders.

Lol. This. Plus many are boring, keep narrow often technical or problem solving interests, are too risk averse. They are not the fun conversation types for someone with a liberal arts degree/humanities interest.

Some jobs are low paying. Even after 15 years of 50 plus hours of work, he's barely breaking 100k.

[Anonymous]

pp, what you mean by emotionally immature at 30?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literal thinkers. They will take what you say at face-value. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Say it exactly. Don't expect attention to nuance, figurative language - ie don't expect poetry or attention to frivolous detail. If observing "special" dates is important - anniversary, etc - give them reminders.

Lol. This. Plus many are boring, keep narrow often technical or problem solving interests, are too risk averse. They are not the fun conversation types for someone with a liberal arts degree/humanities interest.

Some jobs are low paying. Even after 15 years of 50 plus hours of work, he's barely breaking 100k.

Yup, even after all that education (advanced degrees) and long work weeks.

[Anonymous]

So what's the avg salary for stem spouses?

[Anonymous]

In general they can be great, but there definitely is some undiagnosed HFA out there that can really wear on a marriage.

Also, some STEM workplaces are rife with sexual harassment. Consider whether your DH is someone who doesn't mind working with others who treat women inappropriately, or may be doing so himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what's the avg salary for stem spouses?

STEM covers a multitude of areas. Help desk support is "STEM", but does not make much; Hardware IT support does ok, but not great (also STEM). These are the low-end positions.

At the higher end, you have scientists, engineers, etc.

In the DC area, salaries are mostly governed by the the Government pays...typically the the non-governmental STEM professionals in contracting will be 20-30% above the GS salary scale.

Out of school in physical sciences or engineering, 50-90k (50 BA, 90 PhD).

At 5 years out, someone that is good should be pulling down 100+;

Currently salaries max out between 160K and 200K unless the person is special. I know a few that make closer to 300K (I don't).

I am a PhD scientist, 22 years post doctorate, and make about 180k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an engineer but he is TERRIBLE at loading the dishwasher. TERRIBLE!

Weird. I'm a STEM guy (Enterprise IT Management) while DW was an art major and is a partner in an advertising agency. She's very visual, which you'd think would translate into effectively arranging items in the dishwasher.

She's horrible. HORRIBLE!

Plate and bowls scattered around facing all directions. One big pan or bowl in the middle taking up valuable space. It's pathetic. I can literally fit 2x as many items in there as she can.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you are thinking too stereotypically. DH is an engineer with 2 masters degrees in EE and physics. He is very logical, loves to figure out problems and is very smart. He reads math books (I actually don't even understand the titles!) at night before bed. Loves working on cars and small engines. He's even rewired our HVAC and he preprograms circuit boards in appliances and such when they stop working.

But... he's still extremely social. He's not nerdy at all or socially stunted. He loves to dance and go out. We love visiting museums together. I'm extremely creative and he does value that in me, just like I value how perfect everything is that he does and how he fixes everything.

He's a great husband. But he wouldn't make enough to support a family on his salary. He makes like 110k and is top of his field. I think in 20 years he will be at like 140k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine, not so much. He over analyzes everything, is critical of people who aren't as smart as he is (including me), doesn't understand how challenging math is for DS therefore resorts to yelling and insults. He's always doing something, but never finishes what he starts, and thrives in clutter.

So, is he a good DH? I guess, I have nothing to compare to. He's a messy slob and that bothers me. Is he a good father? If he could be more patient, less critical yes.

Sounds like ADHD at play here.

[Anonymous]

All the men in my family are STEM PhDs. All wonderful fathers. Sometimes need a bit of a whack about social graces, but are loving, involved and great partners. They also don't care if you forget their birthdays and there's a good chance they won't make a fuss over yours. But the trade off is just fine. All married women more social and outgoing than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what's the avg salary for stem spouses?

You can look this up online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an engineer but he is TERRIBLE at loading the dishwasher. TERRIBLE!

Ah yes, the dishwasher conundrum. We had to have a discussion about the best placement of different dishes for optimal water coverage. I will say that the downside of having a STEM husband is that I have to have the best logic to win an argument and I can't win an argument with emotional reasons. The upside is that he recognizes when my logic is better than his.