An immigrants musings on the SAHM vs working mom debate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

Someone still has to take care of the house and babies, and in our culture that still mostly falls on women. Worse, salaries for women don't always cover the cost of childcare enough to make a job worth the hassle of taking care of the family and working - something, somewhere, is always falling short. At a minimum, it's just exhausting.

And then for some women, child rearing is more important than anything that takes them out of the home but they have no choice because their household needs the income. I read a heart wrenching story about a woman who returned to work weeks after giving birth because her job is what provided healthcare. Her baby suffocated and died in daycare on the very first day she left her there and now she'll forever wonder if it would have happened if she could have stayed home with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for a lovely and interesting post OP.

The shrews won't like it though.

So I take it you'd be just fine being told that because you WOH you aren't raising your own kids, right? It's ok to slam SAHMs, but never WOHMs, correct?

Saddest little violin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

You are being intentionally provocative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

[phone]

Don't even bother trying to reason with American SAHM. They use some flawed logic to justify their decision to be a SAH. To live in a highly advanced nation and chose to be less productive is just stupidity. I still think the reason for this decision is laziness. No sugar coating this. It's pure laziness. When it's divorce time they seemed surprised by the outcome when the husband takes everything.

Btw: I'm an American born and raised and fortunate to have travelled the world and witness the economical challenges women face in various parts of the world. I'm fortunate to be able to work and provide for myself and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for a lovely and interesting post OP.

The shrews won't like it though.

agree

daughter of immigrants

We had a very successful family business. My mother ALWAYS warned me to NEVER quit my job once I had kids.

[Anonymous]

Many DCUM women will have you believe they work because they love it.

For the most part, they lie. They work because it's necessary for their family. Many would quit in a heartbeat if their financial way of life would not be affected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

[phone]

Don't even bother trying to reason with American SAHM. They use some flawed logic to justify their decision to be a SAH. To live in a highly advanced nation and chose to be less productive is just stupidity. I still think the reason for this decision is laziness. No sugar coating this. It's pure laziness. When it's divorce time they seemed surprised by the outcome when the husband takes everything.

Btw: I'm an American born and raised and fortunate to have travelled the world and witness the economical challenges women face in various parts of the world. I'm fortunate to be able to work and provide for myself and family.

Children are children for a very short time. SAHMs can always begin a career. Hell, many working adults change their careers mid-way through life.

If handing off my 6 week old to a daycare/nanny equals me being less productive at some office job, consider me less productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

You are being intentionally provocative.

+1

Her remarks at the end of her OP were similarly provocative. Trying to sound confused and sincere while ending with digs and looking down her nose. Typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

You are being intentionally provocative.

+1

Her remarks at the end of her OP were similarly provocative. Trying to sound confused and sincere while ending with digs and looking down her nose. Typical.

I was not trying to be provocative. I am trying to put it in simple terms.

I don't understand the desire to stay home. My mother always told me to always always be financially independent and never to be dependent on a man or a burden on your parents. I'm confused as to why western women desire to be provided for. There's no dignity in that. You're dependent on someone else for your livelihood.

[Anonymous]

If you view motherhood as nothing more than being a poop cleaner, my heart goes out to your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

You are being intentionally provocative.

+1

Her remarks at the end of her OP were similarly provocative. Trying to sound confused and sincere while ending with digs and looking down her nose. Typical.

I was not trying to be provocative. I am trying to put it in simple terms.

I don't understand the desire to stay home. My mother always told me to always always be financially independent and never to be dependent on a man or a burden on your parents. I'm confused as to why western women desire to be provided for. There's no dignity in that. You're dependent on someone else for your livelihood.

Your mother is not the only right one. My mother went through a different set of experiences in life and told me something different. Your priorities are not my priorities. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am still confused about how the ability to work outside the home and earn an income started being viewed as a chore and a burden rather than a desirable exercise of ones ability be able to use your mind and intelligence and be financially independent?

All I knew was women wanting to be more than just housewives and poop cleaners for their babies.

In the first world, its reversed. Women seem to want to go back into their kitchens.

You are being intentionally provocative.

+1

Her remarks at the end of her OP were similarly provocative. Trying to sound confused and sincere while ending with digs and looking down her nose. Typical.

I was not trying to be provocative. I am trying to put it in simple terms.

I don't understand the desire to stay home. My mother always told me to always always be financially independent and never to be dependent on a man or a burden on your parents. I'm confused as to why western women desire to be provided for. [b]There's no dignity in that[b]. You're dependent on someone else for your livelihood.

So you don't understand it. Get over yourself. I mean hell lady, different strokes for different folks. And you have no place to tell other women that there's no dignity in what they choose to do with their lives. I happen to work out of the home, but you are seriously pissing me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't seem like musings. It's you starting another lame WOHM vs SAHM debate. Good for you that you love working out of the home, that you don't envy SAHMs and that you think working is the only way to contribute to society. Clap, clap.

My parents were immigrants and they love America as do I. It's because we have the CHOICE. No one here is forced to stay veiled and at home. If we can afford to stay at home we have that choice.

You don't have to put down a SAHM by thinking she isn't a contributing member to society. Your missing the point of the freedoms we have. Rather than thinking you are doing some great service to the world by earning a paycheck you're missing that you have that choice to do so or to not do so.

Working out of the home is not the privilege. The CHOICE is the privilege.

Yup, right here is the entire "argument," such as it is. No other words necessary.

It's not a *real* choice though, for many on DCUM. A real choice is when a woman is independently wealthy and doesn't have to make a financial or professional gamble to SAH. It seems to me that most of the women on DCUM who SAH do so because 1) their spouses worked really long hours/traveled frequently so it was too hard on the family not to have the wife SAH; 2) women were not able to negotiate a family-friendly work load (big law) after having young kids; 3) women earned too little to justify working only to break even with the high cost of child care.

The number one reason women I know in my very small sample of mothers in this area choose to stay home with their kids is because they have the luxury of a choice that having a parent at home is the best possible situation for their particular family, especially their kids. Period. This is as real and valid a choice as any, whether you agree or disagree.

Fixed that for you.

Whatever you say. You seem very comfortable generalizing what "should" be the correct choice for all women. You live your life and I'll live mine. I'm not at all interested in how you choose to raise your kids - why would you care how others choose to do it?

[Anonymous]

Dear middle-aged women: capri pants do nothing for you.

Women historically were literally not allowed to work outside of the home. Now that we can, it is a privilege. To think otherwise is to be ungrateful.

Disappointed in Kate Middleton.

Michelle Obama's Inappropriate strapless dresses.



All you women telling everyone what's right and what's not think you are smart, intelligent, and taken seriously. Not.

[Anonymous]

Well done op! You've gone and started another stupid debate on this subject. Why do you give two shits about what others do or don't do. Whybout others down because they don't hold your view . Its people like you who give women a bad name.

Go away.