Please help...DH and I have fundamentally different views on what makes us happy

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm very curious what you thought about your husband's relationship with his existing children. Please share why you thought it was a good idea to have a kid with him. Honestly I am not being snarky, would love to understand this better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'll flip the script. Understanding what brought you together may help keep you together. Why did he marry you? What kind of lie were you all living then? What did he say about your future together?

Then, how did it happen you had a baby? Did you plan it, discuss it? How didd your husband react? Surely there have been signs all along?

How does your husband discuss his divorce? How did you two reflect as a couple of how your marriage would be different?

Honestly, I don't mean this as a criticism - you knew he was divorced and rarely saw his kids from his first marriage. What made you think he was good marriage material and you all had the same life goals? That he would be a good father?

Maybe by reflecting on those things, you can develop a bath forward. What does he say now when you say you want to move home? Or is it always about him and what's new with him?

Reading this kind of makes it seem like OP was an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very curious what you thought about your husband's relationship with his existing children. Please share why you thought it was a good idea to have a kid with him. Honestly I am not being snarky, would love to understand this better.

I'm going to guess that OP was charmed by the carefree, exciting and charming life her DH led, before getting married. And she thought she could change him, and she believed he would change his ways and settle down with her, because he'd finally found just the right woman to change for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not close to his family. His whole life is about adventure. This is his second marriage. He has two teens who are raised by their mother. He sees them 2x per year bc we live halfway across the world. Happiness for him is globetrotting, eating exotic food, drinking, meeting new people. He is 44. He has the energy of a 25 year old.

Happiness for me is being surrounded by family. We have a toddler son (12 months old). Happiness for me is moving back to my hometown to raise my boy with his two cousins who are of similar age, and his grandparents. I like to travel too, but I don't want an on the go lifestyle. I want to take a few awesome trips per year. I don't need to live the adventure.

So, I'm the stick in the mud, he's the wild and crazy. How do we reconcile and plan a future together? Help!

People who sing the "why did you marry him" tune are exceptionally unhelpful.

OP. Have you two ever discussed what you, separately and collectively, want? What sort of life does he, and you, imagine for your now-family? Has he articulated how he plans to integrate you and the baby into his globetrotting? Does his vision make sense? If you haven't ever discussed it, why not have the conversation now? Just talk about how you see yourselves and what makes you happy. There are other options in life besides globetrotting OR living in your hometown. You two may come up with something that will be a happy medium. Does he know how you feel? Does it matter to him?

[Anonymous]

You didn't see red flags when you realized he didn't care about his older kids? Why would you build a family with this guy?