Please help...DH and I have fundamentally different views on what makes us happy

[Anonymous]

DH is not close to his family. His whole life is about adventure. This is his second marriage. He has two teens who are raised by their mother. He sees them 2x per year bc we live halfway across the world. Happiness for him is globetrotting, eating exotic food, drinking, meeting new people. He is 44. He has the energy of a 25 year old.

Happiness for me is being surrounded by family. We have a toddler son (12 months old). Happiness for me is moving back to my hometown to raise my boy with his two cousins who are of similar age, and his grandparents. I like to travel too, but I don't want an on the go lifestyle. I want to take a few awesome trips per year. I don't need to live the adventure.

So, I'm the stick in the mud, he's the wild and crazy. How do we reconcile and plan a future together? Help!

[Anonymous]

What did you decide when you talked about your view of married life before the wedding?

[Anonymous]

With these MAJOR lifestyle differences, why did you agree to marry him? Baby on the way?

[Anonymous]

Seems a little late to have this discussion now.

[Anonymous]

Did you two discuss any of this before you got married or had a child. I would seek professional counseling if you can not come to a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you decide when you talked about your view of married life before the wedding?

I don't remember-we didn't make any kind of hard and fast decisions. The game changer was fairly recent, when he got offered a great job overseas which was supposed to be temporary (3 years) but could be permanent if we plan ahead.

[Anonymous]

What did you expect when you married a guy who barely puts in effort in the kids he has now? Not to be snarky. Its one thing if he couldn't due to a difficult ex, but if he can, chooses not to (and travels that much), then there is a clear reason for the first divorce. You aren't going to change him.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have any actual advice other than "why did you marry him?"

[Anonymous]

He takes one of those highly compensated but crazy travel jobs that nobody senior wants when they have kids. You live in your hometown and take jr and jet off to meet him. Be super flexible and it will be habit. Rest of the time you nestle at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He takes one of those highly compensated but crazy travel jobs that nobody senior wants when they have kids. You live in your hometown and take jr and jet off to meet him. Be super flexible and it will be habit. Rest of the time you nestle at home!

That's not bad pp...I like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have any actual advice other than "why did you marry him?"

It seems harsh but it's really valid. If you knew why you married him despite these glaring lifestyle differences, maybe you could fall back on that reasoning now and find comfort in it. The only other advice to give is 1. Fundamentally change who you are or 2. Live seperate lives 3.Divorce. You can try number one, but those things don't usually work out to well.
And notice I said change you, not change him, because you really can't influence him to that degree. Maybe it's worth it to you to be technically married but functionally single? I don't know, but I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have any actual advice other than "why did you marry him?"

Well, she married him so you get what you get. You don't marry people and then try to radically change them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you decide when you talked about your view of married life before the wedding?

I don't remember-we didn't make any kind of hard and fast decisions. The game changer was fairly recent, when he got offered a great job overseas which was supposed to be temporary (3 years) but could be permanent if we plan ahead.

Will this overseas job bring him closer to his two children from his first marriage?

[Anonymous]

You and the "my husband is so boring" thread OP should compare notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not close to his family. His whole life is about adventure. This is his second marriage. He has two teens who are raised by their mother. He sees them 2x per year bc we live halfway across the world. Happiness for him is globetrotting, eating exotic food, drinking, meeting new people. He is 44. He has the energy of a 25 year old.

Happiness for me is being surrounded by family. We have a toddler son (12 months old). Happiness for me is moving back to my hometown to raise my boy with his two cousins who are of similar age, and his grandparents. I like to travel too, but I don't want an on the go lifestyle. I want to take a few awesome trips per year. I don't need to live the adventure.

So, I'm the stick in the mud, he's the wild and crazy. How do we reconcile and plan a future together? Help!

He sucks as a father.