Women that got cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here..thanks for the responses so far.It seems it was only yesterday even though it has been a year since the split.

13 years today since the day my world was shattered. Although it does not hurt like it use to, it's still affects me on this date every year.

10 years, and there are still times when it all comes flooding back like I am in that moment again. Infidelity is a form of serious emotional abuse. Psychologists are increasingly recognizing that this kind of repetitive emotional abuse can cause PTSD-like symptoms. Google "relational betrayal" or "intimate betrayal".

Feeling like the whole thing is occurring again (or still occurring) is a common symptom of PTSD. It's called a flashback or re-experiencing.

The difficulty with new relationships is that they often provide triggers which pull one back to the original betrayal.

This is so true. My best friend was cheated on multiple times by her husband but she chose and still chooses to go with him. Any time he has to go out of town for work she is a complete mess for weeks before and until his return. I feel bad for her because that is no way to live.

I don't think I could live like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you cope. Would you marry again? What would you differently? Inputs are appreciated. TIA.

Coping: Therapy. I read every book, website, message board, etc. about infidelity, healthy relationships, etc. Luckily I was working very part-time, mostly at home on my own schedule, so I had the time & space to have a breakdown that summer. Spent a lot of nights at my mom's and girlfriends' houses. Kept busy. Having the dog was a lifeline.

Marry again? Yes, just did, about 5 years later.

What did I do differently? I didn't pursue him. Gave him space. Took things slowly. Watched out for red flags. Had lots of discussions about trust, the future, etc. But really, falling in love in your late 30s is already very different than falling in love in college. We were more mature.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I don't understand, but some of these reactions seem over the top to me. 13 years later and still shattered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I don't understand, but some of these reactions seem over the top to me. 13 years later and still shattered?

People might forgive but they never forget!

[Anonymous]

i mean "WOMEN" not people. Women "might" forgive but they never ever forget. We have better memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I don't understand, but some of these reactions seem over the top to me. 13 years later and still shattered?

I think it's understandable when you think of it this way. The husband could have been in a years-long relationship or several relationships. So, constant lying over all that time. Wondering if he was ever where he said he was. If he was ever telling the truth when there were so many lies. Just trying to pick apart all the lies is exhausting. Wondering if he really loves you.

Yes, I can definitely see shattered even after a long time, though it does indicate a need to move through the pain and heal.

[Anonymous]

Guy here.
I'm divorced because of a cheating wife. I have dated women that was cheated on and good god, some if not most are so scarred that future relationship is going to be hard for them. I understand how it can emotionally affect you for I know and felt it but sometimes you just have to let go. Take that leap of faith so to speak.
I might have missed out on some great women but I can't get past the wall they built around them. I feel bad for they have great characters but some just shut me down outright.
Ladies not all men are alike..just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I don't understand, but some of these reactions seem over the top to me. 13 years later and still shattered?

Yes. It's extremely dramatic. At a certain point you're wasting your life. Cheating is horrible but it isn't murder. Simply get divorced and move on. Find happiness again.

[Anonymous]

I think you are misreading the OP. She said her world WAS shattered. Not that it IS shattered. She said it still affects her on the anniversary every year. That's one day a year. It doesn't mean that she is being "dramatic".

Many who are cheated on are left with a kind of PTSD. PTSD is a real physical phenomenon. We can do a lot to manage it, and symptoms tend to diminish over time. But it is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. Such a deep betrayal of a core understanding about how life works may have a long term impact.

It's similar to a death or other traumatic loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i mean "WOMEN" not people. Women "might" forgive but they never ever forget. We have better memories.

Aren't "WOMEN" people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I don't understand, but some of these reactions seem over the top to me. 13 years later and still shattered?

Yes. It's extremely dramatic. At a certain point you're wasting your life. Cheating is horrible but it isn't murder. Simply get divorced and move on. Find happiness again.

When kids are displaced, have to move and are traumatized because their parent is no longer living in the home, it's up there with murder imo. I've seen entire families destroyed because of cheating.
Yes please tell those kids to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yikes, I know a lady that was in the same boat. Caught him twice, then I guess the light finally went on. Hired someone in a different city to check up on him for 2 days. Caught.

She didn't tell him, started selling some expensive stuff around the house for a year that he wouldn't miss. Got a good job and hid a lot of money away.
Did have fun torturing him, had a friend do hang up calls while he was there so he would think the AP was causing trouble. Sent some sexy thongs to herself, asked if he did that. He almost had a melt down, got in a fight with the AP. Hid a sound activated recorder, LOL.

They had 2 kids, and she wanted another so got pregnant. About 8 mo after the baby she served him with papers, all along she had been working with a lawyer. Ended up with the house, kids and lot's of child support. Today she is happily re-married. He's a much better partner and father to the kids. Her ex is struggling last I heard.

Thats another level of revenge there. Sheet I would hate to be in that guy shoes. I'm sure he deserves some of it but that is just plain wrong imo.

I love this!! She's very smart

Me too. I hate the women that whine, cry, boo hoo then stay with the pos.

Make a plan, don't let on - put self in good financial position, then take him out.

I know someone that 2 years after the divorce would call and hang up on his new gf. She also sent underwear to her house, (bad). This was the lady that he cheated with. They were going to get married but after all that she left him.

While I believe being happy is the best REVENGE, a little mud kicked cheaters way is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here..thanks for the responses so far.It seems it was only yesterday even though it has been a year since the split.

13 years today since the day my world was shattered. Although it does not hurt like it use to, it's still affects me on this date every year.

10 years, and there are still times when it all comes flooding back like I am in that moment again. Infidelity is a form of serious emotional abuse. Psychologists are increasingly recognizing that this kind of repetitive emotional abuse can cause PTSD-like symptoms. Google "relational betrayal" or "intimate betrayal".

Feeling like the whole thing is occurring again (or still occurring) is a common symptom of PTSD. It's called a flashback or re-experiencing.

The difficulty with new relationships is that they often provide triggers which pull one back to the original betrayal.

This is so true. My best friend was cheated on multiple times by her husband but she chose and still chooses to go with him. Any time he has to go out of town for work she is a complete mess for weeks before and until his return. I feel bad for her because that is no way to live.

Sounds made up. Then again, I've seen so many "friend of a friend" stories that ended up being complete bullshit that I'm now biased. If women were that cool-headed, the gender dynamics would be a completely different ball game. Your friend is most likely a liar.


Yikes, I know a lady that was in the same boat. Caught him twice, then I guess the light finally went on. Hired someone in a different city to check up on him for 2 days. Caught.

She didn't tell him, started selling some expensive stuff around the house for a year that he wouldn't miss. Got a good job and hid a lot of money away.
Did have fun torturing him, had a friend do hang up calls while he was there so he would think the AP was causing trouble. Sent some sexy thongs to herself, asked if he did that. He almost had a melt down, got in a fight with the AP. Hid a sound activated recorder, LOL.

They had 2 kids, and she wanted another so got pregnant. About 8 mo after the baby she served him with papers, all along she had been working with a lawyer. Ended up with the house, kids and lot's of child support. Today she is happily re-married. He's a much better partner and father to the kids. Her ex is struggling last I heard.

[Anonymous]

WTF is wrong with the quotes?

"Sounds made up. Then again, I've seen so many "friend of a friend" stories that ended up being complete bullshit that I'm now biased. If women were that cool-headed, the gender dynamics would be a completely different ball game. Your friend is most likely a liar. "

[Anonymous]

Most women do handle it poorly, putting themselves in a worse position. I have seen a few smart ones blow the guy and mistress out of the park.