13 year old boy and sleeping in mom/dad's bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he like to cuddle and be affectionate at other times? Or just when his dad is gone? That's the part that honestly creeps me out the most...

I kind of agree it would make more sense to me if the kid hopped into bed when Dad was home too. Makes me question the dynamic. No I don't think anything sinister, but maybe not the most emotionally healthy situation.
Where mom babies and encourages dependency and dad does not. I've seen this play out in both males and females and the result is not pretty a 32 year old behaving like a small girl when her mum was around comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

[Anonymous]

It is time to stop, OP. And I say this as someone whose child did the same for a very long time (through fifth grade).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

+1 Absolutely nothing wrong with this.

[Anonymous]

My son is only 6, but this makes me sad that there's some cut off where him sleeping in a bed with his mother becomes horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

True. My DH is from another country, where the entire family shared a bed.

Our DS slept with us when he was a toddler, and even occasionally at the age of 8, will watch TV with me in bed, while we talk, and fall asleep. I have no desire to have sex with my kid, so no, I'm not bothered by it.

Our friends who make statements about us letting him sleep with us. Our kid is confident, social and well rounded. Co-sleeping didn't ruin him as some people would and still claim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is only 6, but this makes me sad that there's some cut off where him sleeping in a bed with his mother becomes horrible.

So you will be sharing a bed with your eighteen year old high school senior man?

At some point they grow up, and the changes in your relationship are normal, healthy and appropriate.

You don't want to be the mom of a man child who can't maintain a normal adult relationship with his wife or other women because you emotionally can't accept him gowing into someone independent of you. Or perhaps you are one of those moms who does...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

Actually. Here we find it a little weird how some cultures don't let the sons separate from the moms to become independent husbands and self sufficient men.

It is just a different way of transitioning boys to eventual men. We don't want our men to be tied by the hip to mommy for ther rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

We have a tv in our room so DS likes to watch with me when DH is away. It is a king bed. It is occasionally. There is nothing wrong with it. Much bigger problems to be concerned about in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

Actually. Here we find it a little weird how some cultures don't let the sons separate from the moms to become independent husbands and self sufficient men.

It is just a different way of transitioning boys to eventual men. We don't want our men to be tied by the hip to mommy for ther rest of their lives.

And yet, it is the Millennials in United States who are now having their mothers call their WORK if the child/adult has a an issue at WORK! Never heard of it in any other country at all. The confusion of mother loving and mother smothering seems to be a problem only here, and only in some American families, I would say most likely in the East and New England. There is a reason for this in the culture, research some history and you'll find out why.
I assure you those loving mothers who allow the child to come to their bed are not to be confused with mothers doing their child's homework. They might be way stricter in other aspects of life, do not confuse two different things. Other cultures demand much more of their children and much younger than majority of US parents. So much so, that teens in US now don't even want to get a driver's licence when they can and are 17, 18 year olds being driven around. I allowed my children to come to my huge bed at 13, boy and girl, and my 16 year old now drives himself to sport competitions even 3,4 hours away on his own and stays on his own in hotels that allow it during these trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

Actually. Here we find it a little weird how some cultures don't let the sons separate from the moms to become independent husbands and self sufficient men.

It is just a different way of transitioning boys to eventual men. We don't want our men to be tied by the hip to mommy for ther rest of their lives.

And yet, it is the Millennials in United States who are now having their mothers call their WORK if the child/adult has a an issue at WORK! Never heard of it in any other country at all. The confusion of mother loving and mother smothering seems to be a problem only here, and only in some American families, I would say most likely in the East and New England. There is a reason for this in the culture, research some history and you'll find out why.
I assure you those loving mothers who allow the child to come to their bed are not to be confused with mothers doing their child's homework. They might be way stricter in other aspects of life, do not confuse two different things. Other cultures demand much more of their children and much younger than majority of US parents. So much so, that teens in US now don't even want to get a driver's licence when they can and are 17, 18 year olds being driven around. I allowed my children to come to my huge bed at 13, boy and girl, and my 16 year old now drives himself to sport competitions even 3,4 hours away on his own and stays on his own in hotels that allow it during these trips.

Exactly. When has it become the new norm to not be affectionate with our kids but coddling them and running their lives makes you the better parent?

My daughter is 14 and every time my husband is away on business, she always comes in my bedroom and we watch movies and we fall asleep. It is our thing. If I had a son I would want it to be the same thing. But if I let my fears of what others think and then teach him those same fears, I am doing him a major disservice. It is no different than our country treating an exposed boob for breast feeding as sexual. The porn industry and news seeking media of incest, pedophilia, etc... is forcing you to not be affectionate to your kids. I find that extremely sad. All kids need their parent's affectionate, no matter what the age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with it. 13 year old is a child and it is sweet. Try not to go all Puritan and push your loving child away. Boy, girl, father, mother, it is all fine. Only perverts see something wrong in it, because they imagine their own perversion in everything.

THIS

Every other country laughs at how weird we are with our lack of affection

No they don't.

Actually I am an immigrant, and I find this lack of affection amongst family members a little weird. A 13 year old boy is still a child. I would not be in a hurry for him to grow. Love and affection at home makes a child confident and secure.

If your child wants to sleep in the same room as you, in an adjacent space on a big bed, or lie with you on the couch while you watch a movie, and you think it is somehow inappropriate or sexual, then I can only surmise that you have been sexually abused as a child. This is not a normal reaction of parents.

Actually. Here we find it a little weird how some cultures don't let the sons separate from the moms to become independent husbands and self sufficient men.

It is just a different way of transitioning boys to eventual men. We don't want our men to be tied by the hip to mommy for ther rest of their lives.

Are you saying "we" like Americans? Please don't speak for all of us. And can you please cite the cultures that do not separate from their moms because they slept in a family bed. I am honestly curious to hear these details and facts. Because as an American, I truly feel American kids never let go of wanting their parents to do from them. More than any other culture I have seen.

[Anonymous]

OP- it would make me feel uncomfortable. If it doesn't make you or your son or your DH uncomfortable then do what works for your family. Please don't listen to people who will try to sexualize it or make it sound like you are infantilizing your son. High affection + high expectations is the best combination of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine and normal. He'll be all grown up soon enough. Don't push him away early!

[Anonymous]

our kids were always welcome to come to our bed if they felt sick, scared or lonely (for any reason, basically, but those were usually the reasons.)

They stop doing it on their own eventually. Our 12 year old son only comes very, very rarely (like once in the last year) when he feels scared for some reason. I think if my child needs me I want to be there for him. There's nothing inappropriate about it. He needs to not be alone for some reason, and I am there for him. I want the kids to know that it's always okay for them to come to us if they need us, no matter what the circumstances. I'm not going to shame him out of it.