I'm not sure if I want to marry my fiancé

[Anonymous]

How's the sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The scariest part of getting married was picking out a husband for my 35, 45, 55, 75 year old self, women I really know nothing about. But I thought I was doing as well as I could for her, and so far so good.

This is the best comment of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The scariest part of getting married was picking out a husband for my 35, 45, 55, 75 year old self, women I really know nothing about. But I thought I was doing as well as I could for her, and so far so good.

This is the best comment of all.

+1

I think I will tell my DDs this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

WTF??!! PP above, i really hope you are a troll. hubby and i eloped. kept my last name. we are SOOOOO glad we didn't blow our money on a big crazy miserable awkward overpriced ceremony most people don't have fun at. and i feel extremely lucky to be married to my best friend. i sure as hell never got to be a princess and luckily married someone with way too much sense to marry one, because, trust me, you both will fall off those pedestals fast and it will be a big bummer if that's what you're into (unless its some kind of role play bedroom thing in which case knock yourselves out.) what you should really ask yourself is, if you guys were just gonna elope, no fanfare, no prizes, no aisles or veils, would you still wanna stand up together in your good dress suits and sign legal binding contracts to be in business together forever. if so, then head to vegas, baby, (or wherever destination you fancy) your friends and family will be secretly thanking you for it. and get on with being married, which is the <real> & good part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some reason, I am not excited about marrying my fiancé. I don't spend hours thinking about how my name wil sound with his last name or dream of being his Mrs or anything like that. I'm not giddy at the thought of walking down the aisle or something.

He's a great guy who I know will be an excellent husband. I just can't get excited to marry him.

OP I was like you I didn't doodle our names together or spend hours dreaming of me walking down the aisle.

I dated plenty of great guys who are likely great husbands to someone the difference is when it came to my now DH as not just a great guy but as a very specific person I wanted in my life. I saw him as the one I wanted to parent children with, I saw him as someone I wanted beside when times were tough etc.

I was excited to marry him in the sense of it being our official start of life together, but there was no twirling around in the mirror for me .

Nearly 10 years in and I still feel the same way.

I guess what I'm saying not feeling giddy about your dress or changing your name isn't an automatic red flag.
But, if you don't have any feelings about him that are specific to him, that makes him special to you , you may want to take some time to figure out if he'd for you or if you're marrying him because he's good enough and you've been dating X amount of time.
Marriage is really, really, really hard don't do it if you aren't 100% sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

A woman should be old enough when she marries to know how silly this foundation would be for a marriage.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be a significant day in her life, as important as passing the bar exam or entering medical school. She should feel serene and competent and be surrounded by people she enjoys, but she will probably be extremely stressed and she will have to understand that weddings are like that.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ is just fine, but keeping your own name which you've had all your life is what mature women do.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, you may be thinking of all the other things you have going on in your life: your job, your health, your finances, your honeymoon. That's natural too.

Allow yourself time to ask yourself some important questions:

What would happen if my fiance and I had an unexpected pregnancy?

What would happen if we had a special needs child?

What would happen if one of us faced a life threatening/changing illness or accident?

What if one of us needed to take a job cross country?

What if one of us lost a job?

What if I or he wanted to take time off from work (for whatever reason) and expected the other to support us?

What is his most cherished dream? Do I know? Do I feel comfortable telling him mine?

Do I feel comfortable revealing fantasies to him, sexual or just everyday?

Does he know and accept my family -- doesn't mean he has to like them?

Does he help me to accept them, or does he stir the pot?


Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ is just fine, but keeping your own name which you've had all your life is what mature women do.

The rest of your post was great but can we drop the judgment? People keep or change their names based on a lot of factors. Personally I was delighted to have an excuse to drop my father's name from my own (and in actuality we both changed our names) and that was at 34; it wasn't immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason, I am not excited about marrying my fiancé. I don't spend hours thinking about how my name wil sound with his last name or dream of being his Mrs or anything like that. I'm not giddy at the thought of walking down the aisle or something.

He's a great guy who I know will be an excellent husband. I just can't get excited to marry him.

OP I was like you I didn't doodle our names together or spend hours dreaming of me walking down the aisle.

I dated plenty of great guys who are likely great husbands to someone the difference is when it came to my now DH as not just a great guy but as a very specific person I wanted in my life. I saw him as the one I wanted to parent children with, I saw him as someone I wanted beside when times were tough etc.

I was excited to marry him in the sense of it being our official start of life together, but there was no twirling around in the mirror for me .

Nearly 10 years in and I still feel the same way.

I guess what I'm saying not feeling giddy about your dress or changing your name isn't an automatic red flag.
But, if you don't have any feelings about him that are specific to him, that makes him special to you , you may want to take some time to figure out if he'd for you or if you're marrying him because he's good enough and you've been dating X amount of time.
Marriage is really, really, really hard don't do it if you aren't 100% sure.

+ 100

You sound young, OP. How old are you both? I'm not the type of person who gets giddy, so I didn't get giddy about getting married. Truthfully, I was less than excited about the wedding part because my family is batshit crazy and I wanted to elope and we didn't. But I was always happy to be committing to spend my life with DH, and I had no doubt that he was the person I wanted to marry.

[Anonymous]

where is OP? Not one comment???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The scariest part of getting married was picking out a husband for my 35, 45, 55, 75 year old self, women I really know nothing about. But I thought I was doing as well as I could for her, and so far so good.

This is so true. And the reverse; being the best wife for my 35, 45, 55, & 75 year old husband ... I'm not always up to snuff, I'm afraid.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I got married with only our immediate families in attendance and then had a lovely dinner. The idea of a wedding didn't excite us. The idea of growing old together excited us. 20 years on, I am still happy that he is my partner in this.

Giddiness is overrated, especially in the context of a wedding day. Plan your marriage instead, and then see if you still want to marry him.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't overly excited for our actual wedding. We originally wanted to elope but decided to do something small so our family could be there. We did it for them not us. That being said, I never had any doubts that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband. He amazing and I knew he was the one. We were already living together though, so getting married was just something we needed and wanted to get done and out of the way. However, our wedding turned out to be very nice and I really enjoyed our honey moon. We both just hated planning the darn thing.

[Anonymous]

Just don't get pregnant for four years or so.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to feel giddy. Giddy isn't "in" everyone.

But do you want to be married to him or not?
And how would you feel about walking away?

I accepted 2 proposals in my life. The first I felt uneasy about, and I eventually walked. The second was a no-brainer.

[Anonymous]

OP, we're 3 pages in. Time to respond to some q's.