I'm not sure if I want to marry my fiancé

[Anonymous]

Is he the best lay you've ever had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being someone's wife, getting married, sharing a name, none of those things caught my fancy either. I was more thinking about who I wanted with me in 5, 20, 50 years.

Same here. Like PPs, I also didn't buy into the whole wedding industry thing. Getting married seem a natural evolution of our relationship. I was giddy at that start of the relationship and, thankfully, the fire burned down to embers because that kind of passion/giddiness isn't sustainable in the long run. We've been married 20 years and those embers can still be kindled quickly. I also didn't change my name.

Not clear to me whether it's the wedding or the message that is your problem. If you're not content/happy with the idea of being together in 5, 20, 50 years, don't get married.

[Anonymous]

I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

It unclear from your post whether you don't want to be with this person, or just don't want the whole obnoxious socially mandated sublimation of self that comes with a traditional wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Fuck that.

Not every woman wants to be a princessy bride.

I love my husband, and am glad we're married, but there was no aisle, no princess, no bride. I am not Mrs. _____.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please please don't marry him. You'll find somebody else.Believe me. I did. We lived happily ever after without all that messy drama.

Signed.
Married 20 years

This is so not true. There is no certainty in anything in life, certainly not OP's ability to find someone better to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

Is this the 1950s version of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

You want to be giddy? Op, how old are you, 12?

[Anonymous]

If you're not sure, postpone. Figure out your feelings before you commit. Postponing is much easier and better than dealing with the doubts or a divorce later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please please don't marry him. You'll find somebody else.Believe me. I did. We lived happily ever after without all that messy drama.

Signed.
Married 20 years

This is so not true. There is no certainty in anything in life, certainly not OP's ability to find someone better to marry.

That is NOT a reason for OP to marry somebody OP doesn't love. It would be unfair to both of them.

OP, if you don't love your fiance, don't get married. Even if there's no guarantee that you'll find someone else -- although it's a high probability from a statistical standpoint -- going into a marriage based on ambivalence is not the path to happiness.

It's better to start a marriage based on independent self-assurance and confidence in the match. If in doubt, don't!

[Anonymous]

The scariest part of getting married was picking out a husband for my 35, 45, 55, 75 year old self, women I really know nothing about. But I thought I was doing as well as I could for her, and so far so good.

[Anonymous]

Please read this thread too:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/523597.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

I didn't feel any of these things and just celebrated my 10th anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some people, what you feel is enough. For others, they would say you are settling and shouldn't marry someone you don't love.

I'm in the 'you're settling' camp.

Agree. U r settling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to postpone the wedding awhile more.

Reason being, you are having some doubts already. These may be valid ones too that are just now coming to the surface and may be caused by age, experience and/or pressure.

A bride should expect her wedding day to be the best day ever in her life thus far. She should feel like a princess all day and expect to make wonderful memories for the rest of her life.

And the idea of being Mrs. ______ should be exciting just in thought.

If you seriously have zero anticipation when thinking of walking down that aisle, don't do it.

Allow yourself more time to be engaged and look at your relationship as a whole to determine if this is in fact what you truly want.

Hope this helps.

Is this the 1950s version of DCUM?

Seriously. This is not what marriage is all about.

However, it is similar to OP's OP. Giddiness. Imagining your new name. All of that strikes me as both old-fashioned and immature.

BUT setting aside the window dressing, if you're not sure then postpone the wedding. Spend some time thinking about how you want to spend the next 50 years, not your new name or your pretty pretty princess day.

Sincerely,
A happily-married woman who kept my name, who found my wedding day somewhat exhausting and stressful, who can name at least a half dozen occasions that were more fun and joyful than that day, who simply does not *do* 'giddy,' and who remains rock- solid certain that I was right to commit to a lifetime with my husband.