MIL did this on purpose or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Op here- this is my first pregnancy so I'm not at the live learn and get luvs stage yet. My Dr handed me a list of things I can't eat so I'm not gonna eat them. As for pork products, I made a choice at age 5 not to eat pig and haven't since. We usually spend the weekend after Christmas with in-laws. No hidden agenda why, that's just what we do and we have never been asked to switch our plans until this year and she asked for the drs list of bad foods and we forwarded to her weeks prior as I stated in original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

i'm one of the PPs who ate most of the foods listed on the menu while pregnant - my kids are 5 and 7. not everyone these days believes in being that restrictive.

And? What's your point? Some of us believe in being careful and following our doctor's guidelines. There's nothing wrong with that.

my point is that I don't think most pregnant women these days go the entire 9 months without eating lunch meat, feta or slightly pink beef, so I wouldn't think the average MIL would know about all of the restrictions unless OP gave them to her. I also think OP is being a little rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

i'm one of the PPs who ate most of the foods listed on the menu while pregnant - my kids are 5 and 7. not everyone these days believes in being that restrictive.

And? What's your point? Some of us believe in being careful and following our doctor's guidelines. There's nothing wrong with that.

my point is that I don't think most pregnant women these days go the entire 9 months without eating lunch meat, feta or slightly pink beef, so I wouldn't think the average MIL would know about all of the restrictions unless OP gave them to her. I also think OP is being a little rigid.

And--as OP stated in her original post--she DID give the MIL the restrictions, upon request! There is nothing "rigid" about following medical guidelines. I think the word/phrase you are looking for is "cautious," or perhaps "a good patient."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

i'm one of the PPs who ate most of the foods listed on the menu while pregnant - my kids are 5 and 7. not everyone these days believes in being that restrictive.

And? What's your point? Some of us believe in being careful and following our doctor's guidelines. There's nothing wrong with that.

my point is that I don't think most pregnant women these days go the entire 9 months without eating lunch meat, feta or slightly pink beef, so I wouldn't think the average MIL would know about all of the restrictions unless OP gave them to her. I also think OP is being a little rigid.

I'm a mediu rare person, but I stuck with well done beef my entire pregnancy. I wouldn't have eaten rare beef at someone's house.

[Anonymous]

Did your doctor really tell you that you can't eat feta cheese OP? Or did s/he advise against unpasteurized cheese? The two are not identical and most feta sold in the US is pasteurized.

My oldest is 11yo and I'm amazed at the "rules" that some women - mostly of a particular socio-economic group - insist that they MUST adhere to. If you want to make yourself at PITA preggo, that's fine, but don't act surprised if no one else has heard of these dietary rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We attended Christmas dinner for the first time at in-laws. We have never been invited before and I am pregnant so we were excited to attend. MIL asked for a list of what I can and cannot eat weeks before to plan her menu. I don't eat pork for personal preference but she has known that for 15 years. Her entire menu were items I cant safely eat while pregnant. Rare prime rib, raw oysters, ham, veggies covered with bacon, salad with feta cheese. The only thing safe was the dinner rolls. Breakfast the next morning was the same, eggs with undercooked yolks, ham and bacon for the sides. What gives?? An oversight or is this something to be mad about? DH is furious and thinks this was done on purpose as a slight to me. I don't know if she is THAT crazy. But it was strange that nothing was pregnancy friendly. Had I known I could have brought something to eat. What do you guys think? The weird thing was DH said they have never had ham before.

If the items were on your do not eat list then chances are it was passive aggressive on purpose or the old "we ate those back in the day" pooh poohing of modern medicine. On the latter, I had to have a conversation with my mom and DH with his mom once we had the baby because of the differences in how we were fed etc back in the 70's and today's advice. I later learned all of my co-workers with young kids had been thru the same with their folks. And yes I realize when my kids have kids everything we did with our kids will be all wrong - it's the circle of life.

If those items were not on your list, then it could be an oversight. To be honest, both ham and prime rib are very popular Christmas meal items. I think the important thing is you find food that you can eat like microwaving the prime rib and maybe having a hard boiled egg with toast for breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your doctor really tell you that you can't eat feta cheese OP? Or did s/he advise against unpasteurized cheese? The two are not identical and most feta sold in the US is pasteurized.

My oldest is 11yo and I'm amazed at the "rules" that some women - mostly of a particular socio-economic group - insist that they MUST adhere to. If you want to make yourself at PITA preggo, that's fine, but don't act surprised if no one else has heard of these dietary rules.

NP. Obviously, medical advice evolves and changes. Why are you surprised that medical research has advanced in the past DECADE since you've been pregnant? Guess what? At one point, we didn't know that "back to sleep" exponentially reduced the risk of SIDS. But it does, and now we know, so now thousands of lives are saved each year because of that knowledge.

At one point, we thought we could transmit AIDS from kissing. Is that mindset "fine" now that we know better?

Pregnant women should follow the advice of their doctor, regardless of what you older moms think. Who cares what you think? Who cares if you've heard of these rules?

[Anonymous]

How does following advice from one's DOCTOR make someone a PITA?

Are you going to call a heart condition patient a PITA for following his doctor's advice? Are you going to call a diabetic a PITA for following a strict diet?

[Anonymous]

Most of that food I would have eaten while pregnant. Most of that food is pretty standard Christmas fare. And if you had simply shown up for dinner with that being served it would not be an issue. Those were nice meals you were served.

The rude part is that your MIL asked about your food preferences. You told her. And she served a meal that you could not eat anyway. That was incredibly rude and a passive aggressive jab on her part towards you.

Doesn't sound as though your husband is going to let her get away with it though. Good for him He SHOULD say something. You handled yourself well.

[Anonymous]

The point is MIL asked for the list and they sent it. She easily could have done things slightly differently so her pregnant DIL had something to eat. I think MIL did it on purpose. The most important thing OP is that your DH is taking up for you; you are very lucky in that regard. On another topic, I was given a long list too and I followed it. Maybe it took OP a long time to get pregnant and she is scared. 15 years of marriage is a long time for a first pregnancy unless you are a child bride.

[Anonymous]

This passive aggressive stuff is a B*llSh*t move on your MIL's part btw. It is good that your husband is standing up for you but it is truly a shame that he has to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of that food I would have eaten while pregnant. Most of that food is pretty standard Christmas fare. And if you had simply shown up for dinner with that being served it would not be an issue. Those were nice meals you were served.

The rude part is that your MIL asked about your food preferences. You told her. And she served a meal that you could not eat anyway. That was incredibly rude and a passive aggressive jab on her part towards you.

Doesn't sound as though your husband is going to let her get away with it though. Good for him He SHOULD say something. You handled yourself well.

This. I wouldn't have batted an eye at most of that when pregnant, although it's quite rude to put bacon all over everything when she knows you don't eat it. That had to be deliberate. Would it have killed her to have left it off one dish? Honestly, I'm surprised MIL knew to ask you for a list of forbidden foods at all. Before my first pregnancy I didn't know anything was off limits except sushi and wine. And my midwife didn't give me a list so I would never have known about deli meat, soft cheese, etc except for DCUM.

But, since she did ask you and you gave it to her and she then proceeded to serve all those foods anyway, it had to be deliberate or at the least rude. She could have pulled you aside and said "I'm so sorry, but this is the menu I always make and you had a lot more restrictions than I anticipated so I couldn't change it, but please feel free to make yourself an omelet or a sandwich if you don't feel comfortable eating the main meal." But she didn't. So that is rude.

I don't really understand why you couldn't just make your own well-done eggs the next morning though. If she denies access to the kitchen you have even bigger problems there!

[Anonymous]

Did the list have "no feta cheese" or just "no unpasteurized cheese"? Feta cheese sold in the US is almost always pasteurized.
Did it say "no prime rib" or just "no undercooked meat"? Because "undercooked" is very subjective.
I can't imagine every other dish being covered in bacon. No sweet potatoes? No brocolli or peas?

[Anonymous]

What is the list you gave her? Can't assume, different generation has different preferences. I would've eaten all that.

But, wow, first invite in 15 years! Never invited before!? The son never their favorite?

[Anonymous]

Soft cheese is only because some soft cheese isn't pasturized - did you look at the package? Most everything you can buy in a regularly grocery store is pasturized and clearly labeled.

Could you not toss lunch meat in the microwave?

Could you not cook your meat more? You wanted everyone to have cardboard beef?

You sound like you want to be treated like a princess when you're being quite extreme and could easily have made your situation better with the food provided

(Sorry - I realize you're not the OP, my