MIL did this on purpose or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We attended Christmas dinner for the first time at in-laws. We have never been invited before and I am pregnant so we were excited to attend. MIL asked for a list of what I can and cannot eat weeks before to plan her menu. I don't eat pork for personal preference but she has known that for 15 years. Her entire menu were items I cant safely eat while pregnant. Rare prime rib, raw oysters, ham, veggies covered with bacon, salad with feta cheese. The only thing safe was the dinner rolls. Breakfast the next morning was the same, eggs with undercooked yolks, ham and bacon for the sides. What gives?? An oversight or is this something to be mad about? DH is furious and thinks this was done on purpose as a slight to me. I don't know if she is THAT crazy. But it was strange that nothing was pregnancy friendly. Had I known I could have brought something to eat. What do you guys think? The weird thing was DH said they have never had ham before.

Bottom line is that she hasn't invited in all of these years. That was red flag number one. When she does she doesn't take your dietary restrictions into account. Red flag #2. I'm sure there are other flags waving around. First and last time over their house for dinner. If she wants to see the baby it will be on your terms. Yet, don't giver her taste of her own medicine. Kill her with kindness. It works like a charm every single time. It confuses them and they makes them look bad. She can't be all bad if she raised an amazing son, right?

[Anonymous]

You are not overreacting. They knew about the pork and you told them what you could/couldn't eat ahead of time so I think it was on purpose. Why is this the first time you guys were invited? That seems really weird.

[Anonymous]

You've known your MIL for 15 years and she's never invited you and her son to Christmas dinner?

More to this story...

Also, it's fine to eat feta. It's pasteurized in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she did this on purpose. The fact that this was the first time she invited you to Christmas in FIFTEEN YEARS is also pretty suspect.

Don't give her the satisfaction of acknowledging the slight in any way. The best revenge is to be totally above it. And next time, bring snacks!

Interesting, I just typed this same comment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is that the mil has known that she doesn't eat pork for 15 years. So she goes and puts bacon all over things like veggies??

I'm someone with food restrictions, and even I don't let one guest dictate my entire menu. I make sure the person with the restrictions has food to eat, but I don't "fix" every thing on the menu. These sound like MIls traditional dishes. There was beef (fine) and ham (not for DIL). Veggies (with removable bacon - I didn't see the words "allergic", "halal" or "kosher") and salad with pasteurized cheese (fine). Rolls (fine).

I will give the OP the pregnancy hormones, but I sense that she never liked MIL, and she's letting the stupid books get to her head. Overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she did this on purpose. The fact that this was the first time she invited you to Christmas in FIFTEEN YEARS is also pretty suspect.

Don't give her the satisfaction of acknowledging the slight in any way. The best revenge is to be totally above it. And next time, bring snacks!

Interesting, I just typed this same comment!

Or maybe OP never went for fourteen years so she could spend it with her famiiy. I might be a little pissy about that, if I were MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We attended Christmas dinner for the first time at in-laws. We have never been invited before and I am pregnant so we were excited to attend. MIL asked for a list of what I can and cannot eat weeks before to plan her menu. I don't eat pork for personal preference but she has known that for 15 years. Her entire menu were items I cant safely eat while pregnant. Rare prime rib, raw oysters, ham, veggies covered with bacon, salad with feta cheese. The only thing safe was the dinner rolls. Breakfast the next morning was the same, eggs with undercooked yolks, ham and bacon for the sides. What gives?? An oversight or is this something to be mad about? DH is furious and thinks this was done on purpose as a slight to me. I don't know if she is THAT crazy. But it was strange that nothing was pregnancy friendly. Had I known I could have brought something to eat. What do you guys think? The weird thing was DH said they have never had ham before.

It would only be strange if the entire dinner was planned for a group of pregnant women. It's not strange when it's a dinner planned for Christmas with one pregnant woman in attendance.

The menu sounds like standard Christmas dinner food. Others who attended dinner were likely looking forward to the menu. She can't simply abandon the whole thing for you. After making all that, she probably had no desire to cook another dish just for you.

And I think you are over reacting and that there was likely food you could eat, you just choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she did this on purpose. The fact that this was the first time she invited you to Christmas in FIFTEEN YEARS is also pretty suspect.

Don't give her the satisfaction of acknowledging the slight in any way. The best revenge is to be totally above it. And next time, bring snacks!

Interesting, I just typed this same comment!

Or maybe OP never went for fourteen years so she could spend it with her famiiy. I might be a little pissy about that, if I were MIL.

If MIL was "pissy about that" she could--oh, I don't know--USE HER WORDS and talk to her son and her DIL about it, rather than act out on purpose and use JESUS'S BIRTHDAY to make a family member feel excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is that the mil has known that she doesn't eat pork for 15 years. So she goes and puts bacon all over things like veggies??

I'm someone with food restrictions, and even I don't let one guest dictate my entire menu. I make sure the person with the restrictions has food to eat, but I don't "fix" every thing on the menu. These sound like MIls traditional dishes. There was beef (fine) and ham (not for DIL). Veggies (with removable bacon - I didn't see the words "allergic", "halal" or "kosher") and salad with pasteurized cheese (fine). Rolls (fine).

I will give the OP the pregnancy hormones, but I sense that she never liked MIL, and she's letting the stupid books get to her head. Overreacting.

Seriously? If I am having a dinner party and someone is vegetarian or kosher I would not put unnecessary pork products all over things that don't need them, like veggies and bacon rolls. That's just rude.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I think happened. There's clearly some back story/bad blood--why else would this be the first Christmas invite in 15 years?

MIL genuinely wanted to move forward enough to extend the invite and ask about pregnancy dietary restrictions. DIL comes back with a long list--she's a very careful pregnant woman, but it simply genuinely following all the "rules."

MIL takes a look at that list and decides DIL is being a diva/decides that "all this stuff was fine when *I* was pregnant, so it's fine now," and--reverting to bad blood/pettiness--designed the menu as a bit of an "F U."

DIL--who was genuintely just trying to have a healthy pregnancy--rightfully feels slighted.

I, personally, hate how dismissive the older generation is of modern-day pregnancy/childcare guidelines.
*I* ate deli meat and it was FINE!
*I* formula fed, and it was FINE!
*I* put baby to sleep on his back, and it was FINE!

But I also recognize that it is a common--and certainly not personal--dynamic. But I do think MIL took it as an affront, and resorted to the previous complex dynamic.

OP, ignore the slight, and do your best to just be unfailingly cordial and polite going forward. Kill her with kindness. DH sounds on board to help set boundaries where truly needed--that is a GREAT thing!

[Anonymous]

Actually feta and rare meats are on the no no list nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

i'm one of the PPs who ate most of the foods listed on the menu while pregnant - my kids are 5 and 7. not everyone these days believes in being that restrictive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is that the mil has known that she doesn't eat pork for 15 years. So she goes and puts bacon all over things like veggies??

I'm someone with food restrictions, and even I don't let one guest dictate my entire menu. I make sure the person with the restrictions has food to eat, but I don't "fix" every thing on the menu. These sound like MIls traditional dishes. There was beef (fine) and ham (not for DIL). Veggies (with removable bacon - I didn't see the words "allergic", "halal" or "kosher") and salad with pasteurized cheese (fine). Rolls (fine).

I will give the OP the pregnancy hormones, but I sense that she never liked MIL, and she's letting the stupid books get to her head. Overreacting.

Seriously? If I am having a dinner party and someone is vegetarian or kosher I would not put unnecessary pork products all over things that don't need them, like veggies and bacon rolls. That's just rude.

She didn't say she was either. If she was either,,she wouldn't have been discussing the temperature of the beef - she would have noted that it WAS meat, or not kosher meat. She just has things she doesn't care for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can let the restrictions go a tiny but for the holidays. the previous generation has no idea how strict we are advised to eat these days. they think "well, I ate it and you kids are fine!" and don't realize that food is sourced totally differently these days. also we know more!! that said I would note this insensitivity. next time bring a few apples or something when you go some where rather than expecting the menu to cater to you.

i'm one of the PPs who ate most of the foods listed on the menu while pregnant - my kids are 5 and 7. not everyone these days believes in being that restrictive.

And? What's your point? Some of us believe in being careful and following our doctor's guidelines. There's nothing wrong with that.