I don't think my son will ever grow up, settle down with a nice girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the place of stay married no matter what because of the kids, hence the divorce nonsense earlier. I think you have to let your son make his own mistakes.

It didn't seen as if she wanted to make his choices for him but rather she was concerned that he was making poor choices--concern vs meddling-- that is a huge distinction. Dcum always makes the worst assumptions when an older women expresses any concern her children--a total sign of immaturity. It is no wonder so many family relationships are strained and before you make assumptions, my kids are still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually if a man has relationship issues look no further than the dysfunctional
relationship between his parents.

There's a lot of truth to this, OP. Did/do you have a good, healthy relationship with your husband?

Did you teach your son what to look for in a partner and what to be for that partner? (This only works well when you've modeled it in your own romantic relationship).

I can admit that my boys father was not the perfect choice. I married him young, and that relationship was not good. He wasn't the perfect man, but he loved his boys and always did right by them, and was a good man in other ways especially as he aged.

Their father was not their only role model I've been married to my husband for 23 years, since my boys were quiet small and he is a great man, and I don;t think our relationship is out of the realm of normal.

I understand what you are saying, but my younger son does not have these issues.

Probably your younger son is less able to remember the breakdown of your first marriage. Older son remembers.

Maybe. 3.5 years can make a difference, but they were still both very little at the time of the split.

That doesn't mean it didn't affect them.

True. I worked very had to minimize the impact, and I hate to think that that relationship was the cause of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harsh crowd. I also have two sons (they are young) and just hope they find good partners and are in healthy and stable relationships. I hear your worry OP. Some men just also never mature despite getting older. My single 30 something professional friends are running into these guys. He might just have to learn the hard way what qualities he needs to be focusing on.

Thank you. Speaking as an older mum, cherish them. In my own biased opinion there is nothing better than being a mom to sons.
I don't want to see him hurt, or to make the mistakes I made. That's the mom in me. I really think he could be a wonderful partner and some day a wonderful father if he would just get out of his own way.

Why should he take your advice? You're divorced.

Because I know how badly things can go if you pick someone that doesn't care for you. I don't know if you have kids or how old they are, but as you age and your kids age you don't stop caring for them and wanting the best for them just because they are no longer little.
I haven't told him who to date or made any negative comment to him about the girls. The only thing I've told him is that it might be a good idea to take a break from dating for a bit , and that was because the last relationship ended badly.
It's hard to see your kid continuously hurt themselves.

[Anonymous]

He's an adult. He has to make is own choices. Some of the girls he dating might be mistakes, and some of the girls who seem "interesting" to you right now and not up to your standards might be wonderful people who make him happy in the long run. You can voice disapproval of inappropriate behavior (like showing their private parts on twitter), but at the end of the day you have to accept that this is not an area where you have any control over.

[Anonymous]

What does your son do for a living?

[Anonymous]

When he was young did you tell him what qualities to look for in girls? Did you train him how to be a good husband? I also think the best ones get taken early because they know what they want. My 30 year old friends have noticed a definite drop in single man quality the older they get

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of wishful thinking on this thread. Something like, "If I live my life perfectly, my kids will come out perfectly."

Having kids is a crapshoot. You roll the dice and you get what you get. Not that nurture doesn't count for a lot, but the usual estimates are something like half, at best.

OP I'm very sorry about your disappointment with your son. I do think PP's are correct, it's out of your hands now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut the leash on your kid and get a life. Maybe he'll get a life to... without you down his throat. Sorry, but just back off.

I've been nothing but nice and welcoming to the girls that he us dating. The only thing I've said after his last relationship ended is that maybe he should take a break for a bit.

You sound like a nosy, controlling meddler.

If you were my mother I'd be tempted to tell you to fuck off but I was raised with better manners than that (and, it sounds like, than you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are they trashy? And how old is your son?

They are "models" and or lack manners. He is 33 and that's the other thing the girlfriends keep getting younger from close to his age to the current one is 21, his ex was 26.

You sound like you lack for manners. For instance, it's rude to comment on someone's choice of romantic partner, especially when your comments are merely vague and insulting generalizations.

Sorry, you don't always need to be PC with your own kids. If I had a 33 year old son who was routinely getting involved with young women 10+ years younger than he was (and only several years out of HS in the case of a 21 year old) I would probably have a sit down with him and ask him what is going on. Not that I could change or control who he was dating but as his mom of course I'm going to express my concern.

In answer to the Op. He may never settle down. Maybe he really likes being single and wants to hang out with younger women who just want to have fun and aren't at a stage where they are pressing for marriage or feeling their biological clock ticking. Maybe he simply doesn't have his act together enough to hold onto a more mature woman...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut the leash on your kid and get a life. Maybe he'll get a life to... without you down his throat. Sorry, but just back off.

I've been nothing but nice and welcoming to the girls that he us dating. The only thing I've said after his last relationship ended is that maybe he should take a break for a bit.

You sound like a nosy, controlling meddler.

If you were my mother I'd be tempted to tell you to fuck off but I was raised with better manners than that (and, it sounds like, than you).

Are you role modeling good manners and your gentile upbringing now?

[Anonymous]

^genteel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut the leash on your kid and get a life. Maybe he'll get a life to... without you down his throat. Sorry, but just back off.

I've been nothing but nice and welcoming to the girls that he us dating. The only thing I've said after his last relationship ended is that maybe he should take a break for a bit.

You sound like a nosy, controlling meddler.

If you were my mother I'd be tempted to tell you to fuck off but I was raised with better manners than that (and, it sounds like, than you).

Yep, telling her son he might need a break, this woman is clearly out of control!

[Anonymous]

This is the thing I can't wrap my head around. This is a mother clearly concerned about her sons well being and everyone's asking her to butt out?

[Anonymous]

At least he's dating around rather than marrying and divorcing, marrying and divorcing, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the place of stay married no matter what because of the kids, hence the divorce nonsense earlier. I think you have to let your son make his own mistakes.

It didn't seen as if she wanted to make his choices for him but rather she was concerned that he was making poor choices--concern vs meddling-- that is a huge distinction. Dcum always makes the worst assumptions when an older women expresses any concern her children--a total sign of immaturity. It is no wonder so many family relationships are strained and before you make assumptions, my kids are still young.

I wasn't making any assumptions about you nor was I making any about the OP, I was just trying to make her feel better about a situation that is outside her control and the asshats in here screaming at her about being divorced and ruining her son's life. Seems like you were the one ASSuming.