Offered friend loan of $80k
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Anonymous
| OP, This is a joke, right? |
Anonymous
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This may be a troll post.
I had a friend in very similar circumstances 10 years ago. She asked me for a loan. I said no and suggested bankruptcy. She checked it out with an attorney and filed. 10 years later she says it is the best decision she ever made. Wiped out her debt, no long term repercussions that she can tell. |
Anonymous
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You won't get a primary lien on the house unless she has no mortgage. i assume she has a mortgage with a lender, that bank is first, unless she doesn't pay her taxes then the state or federal government goes first. Or she forgets to pay a contractor and has a mechanics lien on the place. So you are secondary mortgagee at best. And if her parter is also on the mortgage, that partner must sign too, and I thought she doesn't want her SO to find out. UCC 101, her offer for a lien isn't worth much at all.
And like everyone else has said, if she has accumulated this much debt, she probably has no problem failing to pay you back. Don't ever make a personal loan you aren't willing to just give away as a gift. 80k could be a college education, a few nice cars, a down payment on a house, don't do it. |
Anonymous
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No this is not a troll. My finances are separate from my DH. I have more money than he does and we have completely separate accounts.
She talked to her partner about it and he was willing to get a mortgage against the house but she didn't want to involve him in her debts. I guess she thought it was okay to borrow from me since I have the money. I will ask her to put a lien against the house though. He will have to sign off on it as well but at least it's a guarantee. |
Anonymous
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Your only mistake is not discussing this with your spouse first, because even if it is your own money, you don't just give 80K away without at least a chat. Of course, you should consider this a gift, not a loan. There is very little chance that she will pay you back. Additionally, I would be very wary of this anger you have. She will probably not change, and your resentment will grow, since in your head this 80K is a loan and not a gift. You will see her do nothing to earn money, and she will become stressed when she cannot pay you back. In brief, I don't think your extremely kind gesture will do any good. But it IS generous, and it is nice to know that there are good people like you in the world! So kudos, but now tread carefully. This could be the end of the friendship, and put a dent in your marriage, especially if you tend to do impulsive things like this frequently! |
Anonymous
| You will never get this money back. How do you think she will repay you? She's a SAHM. Her partner would not pay for her debt to others, why would he pay you? |
Anonymous
| Hi OP, let's be friends! |
Anonymous
| Op what is your hhi and how much do you have in savings |
Anonymous
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It seems more controlling and fueling drama, getting way too involved in someone's life you have scorn and resentment for, and a perfect way to enmesh yourself with her and continue your judgment and opinions since she will be extremely indebted to you.
I don't see the kind and generous aspect that I would expect if she has truly fallen on hard times (sudden illness, disability) that would change this dynamic where you are caring and heart of gold and she is in need and grateful. It reminds me of inlaws giving money to their children and then controlling what they do and how they live since they financed it. |
Anonymous
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Never never give money to friends or relatives as "loans" unless you're willing and able to accept that at some point it may not be repaid and end up as a gift, intended or not.
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Anonymous
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P.s. (19:26 here),
Unless the house is fully paid for your lien will likely be worthless, as already noted. |
Anonymous
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But you said on your OP that you can't tell your husband because he would "berate" you.
This is so strange, truly, that you have separate finances to the point that you are going to have to hide or be "berated" for this gift. Are you every going to tell your husband? |
Anonymous
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You made some very good points. I can be impulsive but not frequently. My DH does keep me in check and he would have this time as well if I had spoken to him about it.
My friend said she will look for a job. Her partner is going to help her look as well. She's going to talk to a lawyer this week and we will have to go over the terms of the agreement. I know there is a possibility she will not return the money but maybe it can be written into the agreement that after X number of years if she hasn't been able to pay it off they have to get another mortgage against the house to pay off the loan.
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Anonymous
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A sucker is born every minute. You sound like a genuinely nice person OP, and I sure wish I had a friend who would give this to me, but you don't even seem like you would take any poster's opinion or advice seriously. Why did you even start this thread?
So you have a friend, who has no income, but out right owns a home (no mortgage)? You think she can pay you back? Over what period of time? With what interest? You get a lien on the house, great. Are you willing to enforce it, as in call on the loan, foreclose on the house, kick her and her family out? Why isn't she seeing some sort of financial planner or credit counselor? This is just a huge shit storm with a drama tornado. |
Anonymous
| Why wouldn't her partner help her if he loves her so much? It makes no sense. If she is not able to slowly pay them off, how will she pay you off? |