Offered friend loan of $80k

[Anonymous]

Make her earn it and be your housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offered my friend a loan to pay off her credit card bills. I think she has been depressed for several years and finally hit bottom. She's a SAHM, two kids and hasn't worked in 7 years. She was staying home to write but somehow never got around to finishing anything. I think it's years of making excuses but she has also worked herself up to near panic attacks and I wanted to help alleviate her stress. She was thinking of declaring bankruptcy but the lawyer said she would be forced to sell her house first. I have the money and I hate the idea of her paying high interest rates and going further into debt. She has a domestic partner who is paying for most expenses but these are her own debts which she has accumulated over the years. I was hesitant about giving a loan but I blurted it out when she said the lawyer told her she would have to sell the house.

The thing is I am also angry at her for allowing herself to get into this situation. I am financially independent but I made the money completely on my own. We were on food stamps when I was little and I never had the privilege to be wasteful. The idea of going into debt is not in my DNA. In fact, I would have a lot more money if I took more risks with my money.. ie even get a mortgage. I never borrowed against money I didn't have. I hope that she has truly hit bottom and she can turn herself around. I am sad for her but I'm also angry and there's no one I can talk to about it. I'm afraid if I tell my spouse he'll berate me and I can't tell our mutual friends because of her shame.

She offered to put a lien on her house and to sign a loan agreement then she said "maybe you don't even want that because you would never call the lien in." I would never throw her out of her house even if she never pays me back in this lifetime but I still want the loan agreement. I still want her to feel responsible for her debts, but most of all I want her to turn her life around.

YOU...ARE...OUT...OF....YOUR....MIND!!!

This is never a good idea, unless you plan to never see the money again.

You've been warned.

[Anonymous]

You will never see this money again. Before you give it to her, make sure you are ok with making it a GIFT and not a loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one else has really said it but what an amazing friend you are op, whatever happens.

Nope, just enabling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ugh disregard last couple of sentences! Dictating into my phone it never works for me.

Wait till you get home and can use a PC. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE POST ON HERE FROM A MOBILE DEVICE. It is laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ugh disregard last couple of sentences! Dictating into my phone it never works for me.

Wait till you get home and can use a PC. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE POST ON HERE FROM A MOBILE DEVICE. It is laziness.

You must be about a thousand years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ugh disregard last couple of sentences! Dictating into my phone it never works for me.

Wait till you get home and can use a PC. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE POST ON HERE FROM A MOBILE DEVICE. It is laziness.

Seriously? You are truly bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ugh disregard last couple of sentences! Dictating into my phone it never works for me.

Wait till you get home and can use a PC. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE POST ON HERE FROM A MOBILE DEVICE. It is laziness.

Why do you care so much about where people post from? Is it affecting you somehow?

It's not laziness, it's convenience. Welcome to 2015...who uses PC's anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offered my friend a loan to pay off her credit card bills. I think she has been depressed for several years and finally hit bottom. She's a SAHM, two kids and hasn't worked in 7 years. She was staying home to write but somehow never got around to finishing anything. I think it's years of making excuses but she has also worked herself up to near panic attacks and I wanted to help alleviate her stress. She was thinking of declaring bankruptcy but the lawyer said she would be forced to sell her house first. I have the money and I hate the idea of her paying high interest rates and going further into debt. She has a domestic partner who is paying for most expenses but these are her own debts which she has accumulated over the years. I was hesitant about giving a loan but I blurted it out when she said the lawyer told her she would have to sell the house.

The thing is I am also angry at her for allowing herself to get into this situation. I am financially independent but I made the money completely on my own. We were on food stamps when I was little and I never had the privilege to be wasteful. The idea of going into debt is not in my DNA. In fact, I would have a lot more money if I took more risks with my money.. ie even get a mortgage. I never borrowed against money I didn't have. I hope that she has truly hit bottom and she can turn herself around. I am sad for her but I'm also angry and there's no one I can talk to about it. I'm afraid if I tell my spouse he'll berate me and I can't tell our mutual friends because of her shame.

She offered to put a lien on her house and to sign a loan agreement then she said "maybe you don't even want that because you would never call the lien in." I would never throw her out of her house even if she never pays me back in this lifetime but I still want the loan agreement. I still want her to feel responsible for her debts, but most of all I want her to turn her life around.

"We were on food stamps when I was little ..." Is she your sister?

[Anonymous]

Gi am not opinioning on whether you should make this loan, but it is your money. If this is what you want to do with it, no one else has a right to object.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one else has really said it but what an amazing friend you are op, whatever happens.

Totally disagree.
She has kids of her own and is actually thinking about giving away $80k to a black hole aka her friend.
Not healthy and not noble to me

[Anonymous]

OP is an enabler to the worst degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offered my friend a loan to pay off her credit card bills. I think she has been depressed for several years and finally hit bottom. She's a SAHM, two kids and hasn't worked in 7 years. She was staying home to write but somehow never got around to finishing anything. I think it's years of making excuses but she has also worked herself up to near panic attacks and I wanted to help alleviate her stress. She was thinking of declaring bankruptcy but the lawyer said she would be forced to sell her house first. I have the money and I hate the idea of her paying high interest rates and going further into debt. She has a domestic partner who is paying for most expenses but these are her own debts which she has accumulated over the years. I was hesitant about giving a loan but I blurted it out when she said the lawyer told her she would have to sell the house.

The thing is I am also angry at her for allowing herself to get into this situation. I am financially independent but I made the money completely on my own. We were on food stamps when I was little and I never had the privilege to be wasteful. The idea of going into debt is not in my DNA. In fact, I would have a lot more money if I took more risks with my money.. ie even get a mortgage. I never borrowed against money I didn't have. I hope that she has truly hit bottom and she can turn herself around. I am sad for her but I'm also angry and there's no one I can talk to about it. I'm afraid if I tell my spouse he'll berate me and I can't tell our mutual friends because of her shame.

She offered to put a lien on her house and to sign a loan agreement then she said "maybe you don't even want that because you would never call the lien in." I would never throw her out of her house even if she never pays me back in this lifetime but I still want the loan agreement. I still want her to feel responsible for her debts, but most of all I want her to turn her life around.

OP, I'm trying to understand why you're inserting yourself into her problems this way. You can feel terrible for your friend, but to be angry that she got herself into a bad situation? Not your problem. And then further to feel angry because you don't have anyone to talk to about it? Why is it your business and why do you a) feel any need to discuss her situation with anyone and b) feel angry that you can't? I'm legitimately not trying to be snarky here but this whole thing is bizarre from top to bottom, beginning with your ownership of your friend's problems.

[Anonymous]

I feel for your friend but I would NEVER loan that much money to a friend. Hell, not even a family member.

I'm pretty sure your husband wouldn't go with this stupid idea. If I were him, I'd check you quit.

[Anonymous]

You need to say "Unfortunately, I won't be able to give you a loan. I discussed it with my husband and we are not in a situation to give out such a large loan. I am sorry . "