Offered friend loan of $80k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to say "Unfortunately, I won't be able to give you a loan. I discussed it with my husband and we are not in a situation to give out such a large loan. I am sorry . "

Seriously!! Now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offered my friend a loan to pay off her credit card bills. I think she has been depressed for several years and finally hit bottom. She's a SAHM, two kids and hasn't worked in 7 years. She was staying home to write but somehow never got around to finishing anything. I think it's years of making excuses but she has also worked herself up to near panic attacks and I wanted to help alleviate her stress. She was thinking of declaring bankruptcy but the lawyer said she would be forced to sell her house first. I have the money and I hate the idea of her paying high interest rates and going further into debt. She has a domestic partner who is paying for most expenses but these are her own debts which she has accumulated over the years. I was hesitant about giving a loan but I blurted it out when she said the lawyer told her she would have to sell the house.

The thing is I am also angry at her for allowing herself to get into this situation. I am financially independent but I made the money completely on my own. We were on food stamps when I was little and I never had the privilege to be wasteful. The idea of going into debt is not in my DNA. In fact, I would have a lot more money if I took more risks with my money.. ie even get a mortgage. I never borrowed against money I didn't have. I hope that she has truly hit bottom and she can turn herself around. I am sad for her but I'm also angry and there's no one I can talk to about it. I'm afraid if I tell my spouse he'll berate me and I can't tell our mutual friends because of her shame.

She offered to put a lien on her house and to sign a loan agreement then she said "maybe you don't even want that because you would never call the lien in." I would never throw her out of her house even if she never pays me back in this lifetime but I still want the loan agreement. I still want her to feel responsible for her debts, but most of all I want her to turn her life around.

Wow i wish i had you as a friend , a good friend like you is very hard to come by, she needs counseling as well and you should teach a money matters workshop.
You are a awesome friend, but you'll never see that money, it would be a gift.

[Anonymous]

She will accept the money, then distance herself from you. Shame will force her to do so. She won't lose the habits that got her into this situation, no matter how much she wants to or believes it.

If you want to help, take on an expense. Camp costs? On you. That would be an extravagant gift. Pay nanny costs for a year, so she can get a part-time job.

If you have the money to change her life, use it to actually change her life.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me???!!!!

She needs to sell her house. Or declare bankruptcy or both. Get an apartment. And get a J-O-B. If she gets a job, sells house, etc, you can help with a few rent payments but in no way hand over a lump sum to a woman who clearly doesn't want to work. She will blow thru it and be back at point A in no time. And forget loan - she'd never be able to pay it back.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I found ourselves over our heads with bills. My job had changed and we could no longer afford our house. So we sold it. We used the money to pay off the other bills we'd accumulated trying to keep the house we could no longer afford. We put money in our kids' college account. It was awful doing it but once it was done it was a relief and we could see what a mistake we'd made trying to keep the house.

[Anonymous]

15:04 has the best advice on here, too bad it's so late in the thread.

Pay for childcare costs for a year so she can go back to work and pay off the debt herself.
If she does it well for the first year, add a second year.
Then you have given her the experience and some job skills in addition to be able to manage her paycheck herself. You can see if he actually pays down the debt or goes on a vacation/buys more crap.
She will have no excuse not to work since you will be paying for whatever childcare she wants.
You will have essentially "taught her how to fish" instead of giving her a meal, as the story goes.