How would you feel/ react?

[Anonymous]

I haven't given my actually reaction in all my ranting.
To answer your question, I would laugh.

[Anonymous]

Meh my Dh's ex's sister stays with us when she's in town. I've extended the invitation to the ex but dh won't have her in the house at all ( I've never met her!).
I'm pretty insecure but hell he chose me, I wonder if there is some other reason you don't want them meeting like were you the reason they broke up or was she psycho about the wedding being cancelled? If she treated him bad then she'd have no chance anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh my Dh's ex's sister stays with us when she's in town. I've extended the invitation to the ex but dh won't have her in the house at all ( I've never met her!).
I'm pretty insecure but hell he chose me, I wonder if there is some other reason you don't want them meeting like were you the reason they broke up or was she psycho about the wedding being cancelled? If she treated him bad then she'd have no chance anyway.

There never was a wedding planned. I was not the reason they broke up.

[Anonymous]

My husband and his ex wife go to dinner sometimes. They had a pretty platonic marriage, but they were and still are friends. I can't say I *like* it, but they're both good people and I'm pretty confident that neither have ulterior motives. Other than one meal where he and I went out with her and her then-new-bf (who wanted to meet my husband to better understand their whole arrangement), it's mostly just been my dh and his ex. They get dinner in the neighborhood, usually, and I've been made welcome to join but honestly have no interest. I knew him when he was married to her, but never got to know her, and he and I got together after they separated.

I think the business element of the op's post gives me more pause than the dinner. Mixing in business just seems like a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

If it were somehow appropriate and/or advantageous to do business with her, then I wouldn't give it a second thought. But I'm older (48), and have seen a lot of ex-couples navigate friendships and business relationships. Particularly business. They were much better as business partners than ever were as romantic.

But if it's truly a total BS reason to make contact, then he says no, and it's over. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

It's the dinner part that seems strange to me. Why not lunch, or a phone call?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to control your husband. Ask him what he wants to do and trust him.

This is the way I'd play it. Privately maybe id hope he wouldn't go but im not in the business of controlling my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the dinner part that seems strange to me. Why not lunch, or a phone call?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the dinner part that seems strange to me. Why not lunch, or a phone call?

+1

Yea, saying its about business, but then making it dinner suggests a certain level of duplicitousness. Honestly, I'd feel better about a dinner if she said she said she just wanted to catch up. The fact she feels the need to say it's about business (which does not need to be a dinner meeting!) suggests something is not on the up-and-up.

[Anonymous]

I would not be okay with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your insecurity will kill your marriage long before any other person will.

This is both an emotionally immature and logically irrational response to OP’s concern.
OP, your concern is valid. Any personal or business enmeshment with a past love interest, not to mention fiancé, is risky. Express your concern to your husband and that his consideration was troubling to you. Ask that he reflect on this. If he is open and accepts then the rest is taking a leap of faith. We all choose our marriages each and every day in order to grow in them and make them stronger. Sometimes things come across our path that test and try our marriages. This might be one of them. We make the right choice and learn from our increased awareness, or we make the wrong choice (hopefully a smaller one with reparable consequences), and again, we learn and strengthen from increased awareness. Don’t let this turn your concern to worry and then fixation, but do say what needs to be said and make any requests that honor your feelings and tour marriage. Then trust.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to assume your over the top reaction is due to post pregnancy hormones and newborn sleep depravation.

Your DH has done nothing wrong. It also wouldn't be wrong if he went to this business dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the dinner part that seems strange to me. Why not lunch, or a phone call?

+1

Yea, saying its about business, but then making it dinner suggests a certain level of duplicitousness. Honestly, I'd feel better about a dinner if she said she said she just wanted to catch up. The fact she feels the need to say it's about business (which does not need to be a dinner meeting!) suggests something is not on the up-and-up.

Or maybe she's doing other shit and that's a time that works for her...

[Anonymous]

I wonder how op will feel in 5 years when ex has partnered with someone else to what turns out to be the next billion dollar breakthrough idea, knowing she and her insecurity blocked her own blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how op will feel in 5 years when ex has partnered with someone else to what turns out to be the next billion dollar breakthrough idea, knowing she and her insecurity blocked her own blessing.

Yeah, I wouldn't care. My marriage is worth more than that. As billion dollar ideas......I will take this risk. Because that's pretty rare.