How do you make new friends in your 50s?

[Anonymous]

I should add that I am 52 and all but 2 of my friends are 5-15 years younger than I am.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer. If you are a SAHM with older kids, you need to find something that interests you. If you choose an opportunity that interests you and provides room for interaction, you will be more likely to make new friends. Try www.volunteermatch.com

Also look at www.meetup.com There are plenty of hiking groups, book clubs, movie clubs, etc. Get out there. Friends won't come knocking on your door -- you have to reach out first. Join the smaller group study sessions at your church. Until you meet people in smaller groups, you won't get past the superficial.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a book club? I've always wondered if the main function of all book clubs is to help people find friends?

[Anonymous]

OP, you can join our bookclub. It's a group of 35-50 year old women in MoCo. We're fun, too.

[Anonymous]

I made a few good friends in the 40s if that counts.

I got on an on-line forum and opened a fitness thread to lose weight. It went on for a year. I finally met a few local IDs cheering me on or joining me. Then we organized an political event at the Mall and raised fund online to pay for it. The local women became my best friends. We still hang out every month or so 6 years later.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was in a book club, but it disbanded suddenly for reasons I still don't understand. It existed for 10 years before I joined. I think some of the other members had a falling out, but I don't know what or why. I'm not in communication with any of them, which is sad. I'd need to find some friends first to start a book club, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met most of my friends through work, and via a book club a friend invited me to join. Are you interested in working part time to get out of the house? Do you do any volunteer work?

OP here. I just applied for a PT administrative job near my house. I'm in grad school, totally overqualified for this job, but who knows? It's only a few hours a week and would fit into my schedule. Don't know if I'll make any friends, but it would get me out of the house talking with other adults! That's a start!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met most of my friends through work, and via a book club a friend invited me to join. Are you interested in working part time to get out of the house? Do you do any volunteer work?

OP here. I just applied for a PT administrative job near my house. I'm in grad school, totally overqualified for this job, but who knows? It's only a few hours a week and would fit into my schedule. Don't know if I'll make any friends, but it would get me out of the house talking with other adults! That's a start!

Good for you OP!! Keeping busy will help from feeling lonely. Sometimes, friends happen when we are not actively looking.

[Anonymous]

I've grabbed a few of my kids' friends' moms (one at a time) and gone for a hike (or went with one while she walked her dog). I think that if you are doing something functional (helping her keep in shape, on her schedule, or being with her while walking the dog) it's no change in her schedule so she's not going out of her way--and thus more likely to do it.

Then when you guys get to know each other better, you can go to coffee or lunch etc. Also, with one mom, we did this thing where we tried out new restaurants for lunch--again, functional for her as reconnoissance--because if she liked it she'd take her family.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Through my kids. I'm in my 50s but I have middle school and high schoolers.[/quote]

Me too, but it hasn't worked. All the other parents are at least a decade younger than I am. I don't feel like I have that much in common with them. [/quote]

I am also in my 50s and have middle school and high school kids. I couldn't agree more. The other parents are a good decade or more younger and really aren't interested in the older parents. I chalk it up to a certain maturity level, but there you have it. [/quote]

Is this a thing? I am in my 40s with a preschooler and it seems like most people with kids in my kids' classes are my age?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't get the PT job! Never got a phone call. Overqualified, I suppose, but more likely, I'm just too old!! So that avenue is out for the moment. I'm going to try volunteering at a local museum near my house. Most of the people who work there are in their 70s, but I'll take any adult conversation at this point. I'm not finding friends my own age anyway. I'll report back if this works.

I just spent a week out of town visiting old friends. Most of them have their own groups of friends. Is it just this area? Or maybe it's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Through my kids. I'm in my 50s but I have middle school and high schoolers.

Me too, but it hasn't worked. All the other parents are at least a decade younger than I am. I don't feel like I have that much in common with them.

Here's what I have in common with my friends who are 40 to 45: issues raising kids; work/family balance issues; exercise; volunteer for causes we are all interested in.

Yeah, I don't get this. I am 50, with one child in high school and one in middle school. There are plenty of high school and middle school kids around with parents who are my age or older. But even if there weren't, so what? My closest friend in DC is 8 years younger than I am. She has a middle schooler, but also one in elementary and one preschooler. We still have plenty to talk about, plenty in common. I enjoy hearing about the funny things her little one does, and she enjoys hearing about my oldest's college search. We both have typical middle school struggles to talk about. We also talk about books, movies, exercise, politics, current events, aging parents, work issues, husband issues.

I also socialize frequently with a few neighbors who are 10+ years older than I am. Their children are grown and gone, and they are retired. But that means they have plenty of time to socialize. In the summer, when I pull into the driveway after work, one will often call out from her porch that she's opened a bottle of wine and would I like to come over for a drink? Why, yes, I usually would, lol.

And the 3 people I like most at work, and chat with most, are 10 years older and 12 and 15 years younger than me. The older one has no children and has never been married. The younger two have toddlers. So we are in very different places in life but still plenty to appreciate about one another.

It can be hard to make friends, so don't put up barriers that don't need to be there. After 30 or so, age matters very little. Forget about it. It's just a number.

[Anonymous]

Here you go, OP. I belong to seven groups ranging from jazz to hiking.

http://www.meetup.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Through my kids. I'm in my 50s but I have middle school and high schoolers.

Me too, but it hasn't worked. All the other parents are at least a decade younger than I am. I don't feel like I have that much in common with them.

You have to get used to it. I'm 49 and the range of parents of my kids' (one each in ES, MS and HS) classmates runs mid-30s to mid-50s in D.C. It's not like they were 20 years younger; the cultural references are the same. You can connect based on career goals and ambitions for your kids as well as parenting issues and local events.

Above all, keep it light. People are stressed. If you don't add to their stress level, they'll want to spend more time with you. Later in the friendship, people may bond over more than superficial things and close friendships may develop ... or not. They may stay in D.C. or relocated. Things click or they don't. It's just a chance you have to take.

[Anonymous]

I don't want new friends in my 50s. But, agree with previous posters that most friends are associated with my kids who are in MS. Between all the kids' sports, parties and school events, I don't have much time for establishing new friendships. Too much energy too that I don't want to invest in at this point in life.