How do you make new friends in your 50s?
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Anonymous
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Has anyone had success making new friends in your 50s?
I moved here 5 years ago, and have not made any new friends. No one to go out for coffee or a movie. Lots of acquaintances, but no close friends. We don't entertain (renovating house, not a lot of $$ or time.) I'm not very outgoing, nor am I chatty. The good friends I've made in my lifetime have been people I've spent a lot of time with either in jobs or school. I SAH, so spend a lot of time with my kids, who are now teenagers. In a few years, I'll have an empty nest, and be really alone. Most people I meet who are around my age don't seem interested in making new friends. Most seem to have their fixed social networks, with no room for a newcomer. I socialize at my church, but the interactions are so superficial that I get bored. Nothing seems to click. I'm going to grad school, but my classmates are in their 20s, nice kids, but not exactly my peers. Please share your 50-plus success stories making new friends! Any tips and suggestions? TIA! |
Anonymous
I consult for a living so made friends with other consultants as we travel a lot and there is down time to talk. From them, met some other people. |
Anonymous
| Through my kids. I'm in my 50s but I have middle school and high schoolers. |
Anonymous
Me too, but it hasn't worked. All the other parents are at least a decade younger than I am. I don't feel like I have that much in common with them. |
Anonymous
| OP, have you tried a church? |
Anonymous
| ^^ Sorry, I just reread and you said that interactions there are superficial. That's too bad. Maybe you could work a little harder at those? I have found many new close friends at our church, and we're all in our 40s/ 50s/ 60s. But it does take effort beyond seeing them on Sunday mornings. |
Anonymous
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I think it's hard to make one on one friends in a group scenario. I know what you mean Op. It's nice to have that group that you can go to and help to organize a potluck with. But a one on one walking buddy, somebody to go to lunch/shopping/movies with - someone to TALK to without a bunch of other people involved in the conversation...that is a more rare find.
You might find yourself socializing a lot for years and years but not really know anyone well enough to ask for a ride home from the gas station... It seems like a common problem. These days it's all about large, impersonal groups it seems. |
Anonymous
| I have felt like this since I graduated from college. Making friends is really, really hard for me. Usually I end up making friends with a really outgoing person who pulls me in. Mostly is is centered around my kids' activities who are the same age also teens. Offer to help another parent hosting a party, help at a back to school breakfast, you can still volunteer at school with other parents, you have kids the same age as the other people in these situations so it gives you common ground to talk about. |
Anonymous
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For me, I have made friends through my sorority's alumni network. It's been a godsend when I moved to a new city and knew no one.
Now, I also make friends through my kids, as well as through temple. |
Anonymous
| I joined a sports team which brings together people of all ages. I can't say that I'm besties with anyone but I feel like I belong to a community. Same with the board of the nonprofit that I'm on. |
Anonymous
I am also in my 50s and have middle school and high school kids. I couldn't agree more. The other parents are a good decade or more younger and really aren't interested in the older parents. I chalk it up to a certain maturity level, but there you have it. |
Anonymous
| What happened to all your OLD friends? |
Anonymous
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Sounds to me like we all have to join something. .a church, a sport.
Nope, not gonna,do either. |
Anonymous
I'm 43 and one of my best friends is a mom from my kids school. She is 56. We chat about everything under the sun. We both look to each other for advice. Me on things like making my marriage work. Her on things like how to let her kid be more of a today kid and not raising her like she was in the 60s. I think you start with showing up at school and church events. Meeting your kids friends parents. And then repeatedly seeing them. Ask them to go do something. Ask the mom out for coffee or to a local concert that you were planning to go to. Basically, just ask someone you like to become a part of your life. |
Anonymous
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You need to pick someone and ask them out to coffee. Prepare for people to be too busy, but there will be somebody available. Also, with your superficial church friends, try not being superficial yourself - bring up something personal you are going through, like a problem with the renovation if there is one, or an issue a child is having, or your parents, .... if you can open up to someone else, then it makes it easier for them to open up to you in turn. Another idea is to start a book and wine club. Tell your acquaintances that you are starting one, and be prepared to host each time, but you can take turns coming up with a book and everyone can bring an appetizer or beverage. Whoever expresses interest, make sure you have their email, and once you have 10 or so, send an evite for the book club. It is a great time to get to know people one on one. I know you said you are doing a major reno, but there must be some spot in your house that you can have a group of people over. If not a book club, come up with something you like, and find an organize a group to join you, could be biking or hiking, walking in the neighborhood. IF you want to make friends, you need to put yourself out there and invite people to do things with you.
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