Sleep separately? If so, how's that working out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

By whom? A healthy sex life is whatever sex life the two people involved are happy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

By whom? A healthy sex life is whatever sex life the two people involved are happy with.

Seems simple enough, but the bolded is the crux of the problem. There is usually an imbalance there. My DW is fond of telling me how her friends are all similarly inclined to have sex no more frequently than once per week or less with once a month seeming to be the sweet spot for most of these ladies. All I can think of of when she says it is, "I feel truly sorry for the poor bastards they married."

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

By whom? A healthy sex life is whatever sex life the two people involved are happy with.

Seems simple enough, but the bolded is the crux of the problem. There is usually an imbalance there. My DW is fond of telling me how her friends are all similarly inclined to have sex no more frequently than once per week or less with once a month seeming to be the sweet spot for most of these ladies. All I can think of of when she says it is, "I feel truly sorry for the poor bastards they married."

DH here, who has a high libido and would love sex every day. Yes, our wives travel in same circles, and she tells me that us having sex one per week was normal, even high since most of her friends say once a month or so.

I checked the stats, she is right. So on one hand, I completely agree with you - what matters most is not frequency but that both spouses are on the same page. But on the other hand, I can at least rationally accept that once a week - as depressing as that is - is as good or better than what the majority of people are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

By whom? A healthy sex life is whatever sex life the two people involved are happy with.

Seems simple enough, but the bolded is the crux of the problem. There is usually an imbalance there. My DW is fond of telling me how her friends are all similarly inclined to have sex no more frequently than once per week or less with once a month seeming to be the sweet spot for most of these ladies. All I can think of of when she says it is, "I feel truly sorry for the poor bastards they married."

DH here, who has a high libido and would love sex every day. Yes, our wives travel in same circles, and she tells me that us having sex one per week was normal, even high since most of her friends say once a month or so.

I checked the stats, she is right. So on one hand, I completely agree with you - what matters most is not frequency but that both spouses are on the same page. But on the other hand, I can at least rationally accept that once a week - as depressing as that is - is as good or better than what the majority of people are doing. [u]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

By whom? A healthy sex life is whatever sex life the two people involved are happy with.

Seems simple enough, but the bolded is the crux of the problem. There is usually an imbalance there. My DW is fond of telling me how her friends are all similarly inclined to have sex no more frequently than once per week or less with once a month seeming to be the sweet spot for most of these ladies. All I can think of of when she says it is, "I feel truly sorry for the poor bastards they married."

DH here, who has a high libido and would love sex every day. Yes, our wives travel in same circles, and she tells me that us having sex one per week was normal, even high since most of her friends say once a month or so.

I checked the stats, she is right. So on one hand, I completely agree with you - what matters most is not frequency but that both spouses are on the same page. But on the other hand, I can at least rationally accept that once a week - as depressing as that is - is as good or better than what the majority of people are doing. [u]

The problem with statistics is they are meaningless to individual cases. That stat is also easily countered by citing other statistics such as the alarmingly high divorce rate. Think there might be a correlation between such a low average frequency of sex among married couples and the high rates of divorce and infidelity?

[Anonymous]

The problem with statistics is they are meaningless to individual cases. That stat is also easily countered by citing other statistics such as the alarmingly high divorce rate. Think there might be a correlation between such a low average frequency of sex among married couples and the high rates of divorce and infidelity?

I don't disagree with you. All things being equal, couples who have enjoyable sex have a deeper bond. I wish my DW and I had sex more. But I am also trying to be realistic with what to expect. Sort of like if you expect you will make half million a year, you will be dissapointed with the 150k per year job even though that is doing well relative to the general population. Similarly, if I expect sex 2-3 times per week, I will be setting myself up for disappointment and resentment when my DW is only up for once a week.

But yes, affairs are so common that I am sure there is a direct relationship between sexual frequency and affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. I sleep on the couch every single night. My husband snores like a wildebeest. The only time I sleep with him is if I take enough ambien, valium and alcohol to sleep through a hurricane.

That being said we have a great sex life. I leave for the couch after he falls asleep and come back in the morning.

Get him a CPAP

Snoring is associated with sudden death. I'm positive my CPAP saved me from being stabbed to death by my sleep deprived wife.

Seriously the newer models are whisper quiet and only take a few weeks to get used to for the wearer. You will both be much more rested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. I sleep on the couch every single night. My husband snores like a wildebeest. The only time I sleep with him is if I take enough ambien, valium and alcohol to sleep through a hurricane.

That being said we have a great sex life. I leave for the couch after he falls asleep and come back in the morning.

Get him a CPAP

Snoring is associated with sudden death. I'm positive my CPAP saved me from being stabbed to death by my sleep deprived wife.

Seriously the newer models are whisper quiet and only take a few weeks to get used to for the wearer. You will both be much more rested

CPAPs still make noise.

[Anonymous]

The one I wear makes almost no noise when worn. Also we use a box fan for white noise so it cannot be heard at all in that scenario

[Anonymous]

Listening to DW snore away now. She gets very shitty when I bring it up and won't do a thing about it. I would think that she would at least prioritize her own health, but sadly I'm wrong with that assumption. I guess it's off to my other room tonight.

[Anonymous]

We have a two bedroom apartment and each have our own cave/retreat. Done raising kids and on second relationship. Been together for years and loving sleeping separately. Probably have sex 5 times a week. Very connected and much happier. We work opposite schedules and he snores.