Sleep separately? If so, how's that working out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Works great! It's not like we were going to have sex anyway..

Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this thread. Now i realize it is sleep that i crave.
Dh travels frequently and lately i cant wait for him to go just so that i can have the bed to myself without the snoring, gurgling, coughing from allergies. I actually feel physically better when he is gone. Its the sleep, duh!
So happy to know that wanting to sleep alobe is normal.

[Anonymous]

Our relationship is not great, but it would be even worse if I were any more sleep deprived than I already am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our sex life took off once we started sleeping in separate rooms. Both of us are well rested and have more space. We go to each other's bed to have sex and frankly it feels very illicit and exciting. Hearing my DH slip into my room turns me on instantly because I know that he wants sex and has made the effort to come to me. Earlier, when we were sharing a room and a bed, sex felt monotonous because we were already in the bed.

Also, for us, sex is happening more and more in the early morning hours after both of us have had a restful night of sleep.

I would absolutely recommend it.

+1, minus the early mornings. When we started sleeping in separate bedrooms we started having so much more and so much better sex. It is more exciting because one of us has to actively go to the other, something about that feels more special and like you're more wanted. Not sure how to explain it, but it's a sexier scenario for sure than when we shared a bed. Highly recommend, and wish there wasn't such a stigma. Our marriage is fantastic, and I'm really reticent to ever admit to people that we mostly sleep apart, because people always assume it means problems in the marriage or that we never have sex. Couldn't be further from the truth.

+2. We sleep separately. We probably have the same amount of sex, but the sex is better because we make time for it before we retreat to separate rooms. Before, it was more of a lazy sex when we were falling asleep. Plus, I toss and turn incessantly, so it would bother my DW - we are both more rested now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have my own room, own nice bed and fantastic mattress, own tv and love it. Opposite sides of the house. We have sex in his room then I go to my room.


Happy marriage.

Super weird, like a business arrangement.

NP here. It's not weird. It's actually pretty common for folks that have the space and extra room in the house. I'm in the same situation and love it.

[Anonymous]

I hate it. I sleep on the couch every single night. My husband snores like a wildebeest. The only time I sleep with him is if I take enough ambien, valium and alcohol to sleep through a hurricane.

That being said we have a great sex life. I leave for the couch after he falls asleep and come back in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. I sleep on the couch every single night. My husband snores like a wildebeest. The only time I sleep with him is if I take enough ambien, valium and alcohol to sleep through a hurricane.

That being said we have a great sex life. I leave for the couch after he falls asleep and come back in the morning.

Sounds like a good situation. Sex...binge watch on the couch...sleep...wake up w/DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. I sleep on the couch every single night. My husband snores like a wildebeest. The only time I sleep with him is if I take enough ambien, valium and alcohol to sleep through a hurricane.

That being said we have a great sex life. I leave for the couch after he falls asleep and come back in the morning.

I thought it was the snorer who had to sleep on the couch. What kind of man snores and makes his wife sleep on the couch? I guess the sex (or salary) must be really good.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could. My husband gets really insecure about it. I'd be much happier if I could just sleep in the guest bedroom--I like to read later than he does, and he snores. But it's not worth the fights, so I suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could. My husband gets really insecure about it. I'd be much happier if I could just sleep in the guest bedroom--I like to read later than he does, and he snores. But it's not worth the fights, so I suck it up.

Ugh. Sounds like my situation. The snorer gets really defensive about it and thinks I'm just criticizing them for no reason. In actuality, I'm suffering as much or even more. If they could actually hear it, it might make a difference.

[Anonymous]

You are putting your health at risk so your DH doesn't get insecure? He is an ass and you need to stand up for yourself. Tape him snoring with your phone. Think about what the lack of quality sleep is doing to your mood for the day and to your long term health.

We sleep separately, but spend the last awake hour or so together in one bed. Connectedness happens there, sex, talking, etc. We also started showering together in the mornings, where intimacy is also easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been sleeping in guest room for about a year or so. Started when the youngest would come into our room everynight. Eventually, I gave up and slept in guest room. It's fine for now. My DW has low libido anyway so it gives me a chance to get off in privacy (we have sex once per week). I wouldn't want this to be forever, either the libido issues or separate bedrooms. But it works for now and I don't see an adverse effect on the relationship.

Once a week is pretty normal, not "low libido".

Written by a wife.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), once per week is normal. Stats show 67% of married couples in their 30s have sex once a week or less, meaning only 1/3rd do it more than once a week. When you reach your 40s, its only about 20% of married men having sex more than once a week, far more have sex less than once a week. As a higher libido DH, I find it depressing, but once a week sex is definitely normal.

It might be the norm but a healthy sex life is defined by 3 times weekly.

The words "healthy" and "normal" seem incredibly subjective to me. Who's to say what's healthy or normal for any given couple? I'd posit that healthy and normal is whatever BOTH parties can agree on that makes for a happy marriage. The problem, as we see played out here on DCUM over and over again is that this is very rare in most marriages.