Bar Mitzvah for 10K?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- not trying to impress our friends- in our synagogue, you invite the entire 8th grade class which is 75 kids, plus DS's friends, plus our few close family friends comes out to 150 people. I didn't say it needed to be fancy, I said fun.

How does your DC go to 75 Bar Mitzvahs in one year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- not trying to impress our friends- in our synagogue, you invite the entire 8th grade class which is 75 kids, plus DS's friends, plus our few close family friends comes out to 150 people. I didn't say it needed to be fancy, I said fun.

How does your DC go to 75 Bar Mitzvahs in one year?

At some of the bigger shuls, dates are doubled up. By attending one, you are actually attending 2. Then if the parties are at the same time, children pick the one they want to attend. Or if a family does an afternoon celebration and the other does an evening or a Sunday event, then the child can attend both.

[Anonymous]

We did a very nice bat mitzvah last spring, but ours was 15K, fewer people and not kosher. We could have knocked about 4K off the budget if we did not have a planner or the nice decorations. But, my FIL only has one grand child, and paid for the extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Sorry. A shitty, cheap one for 10k is doable. But not a good, fun one. I'm sorry.

Ugh. This is exactly why I'm not raising my Jewish children in a synagogue. This "necessary party" for a right of passage is such a show off for the parents. Makes me sick.

This is exactly why we aren't raising our kids Jewish. They can pick a religion of choice on their own free will. Pushing years of Tuesday Hebrew school to pay 50K on a party, all for what? So they can go to temple once a year? I hated it growing up. I wasn't fascinated with anything about it but what dress I would wear. I don't believe in forcing beliefs onto our kids. Hebrew school is forced. So is CCD in Catholics. So is Sunday school in Protestants. Not one kid wants to be there.

I think it really depends on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don't raise your child Jewish b/c of a bar mitzvah? Ridiculous. Have a small luncheon of something simple at the temple afterward - a nice oneg.

More accurately, PP is not raising their child Jewish because of the bar mitzvah PARTY. Which is not actually a religious requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don't raise your child Jewish b/c of a bar mitzvah? Ridiculous. Have a small luncheon of something simple at the temple afterward - a nice oneg.

More accurately, PP is not raising their child Jewish because of the bar mitzvah PARTY. Which is not actually a religious requirement.

No I am not raising my child in any religion because it is a money-making scam that causes hatred, pain, bigotry and 90% of all wars in the world are religion-based. People only like their kind and don't accept others. My parents practically disowned me because I married a non-Jewish man. They were embarrassed. I hated everything about Hebrew school growing up. It didn't make me a better person and it actually showed me how much hatred Jewish people have for non-Jewish people. My husband said the same thing about Bible School. They teach love and kindness but only under their rules with people of their kind. If my kids decide they want to practice a religion at anytime, I will be behind them 100%. But I will not force it onto them. But yes, the parties are part of the religion whether they are a requirement or not. The parties are worse than the old MTV sweet 16 show. It is a show-off on who can outdo each other.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you had such awful experiences in temple and church respectively. We have not found that to be the case - im Jewish and husband grew up catholic but we're raising our children Jewish in an extremely welcoming environment that we all benefit from and no hatred of anyone here. The party is a just a party and totally optional. The values we share and the experiences we have as a family within a friendly cup portion community that teaches children to be good people and be good stewards of the earth is consistence with what we teach our children. We're lucky to have found a temple here in VA that we all feel good about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don't raise your child Jewish b/c of a bar mitzvah? Ridiculous. Have a small luncheon of something simple at the temple afterward - a nice oneg.

More accurately, PP is not raising their child Jewish because of the bar mitzvah PARTY. Which is not actually a religious requirement.

No I am not raising my child in any religion because it is a money-making scam that causes hatred, pain, bigotry and 90% of all wars in the world are religion-based. People only like their kind and don't accept others. My parents practically disowned me because I married a non-Jewish man. They were embarrassed. I hated everything about Hebrew school growing up. It didn't make me a better person and it actually showed me how much hatred Jewish people have for non-Jewish people. My husband said the same thing about Bible School. They teach love and kindness but only under their rules with people of their kind. If my kids decide they want to practice a religion at anytime, I will be behind them 100%. But I will not force it onto them. But yes, the parties are part of the religion whether they are a requirement or not. The parties are worse than the old MTV sweet 16 show. It is a show-off on who can outdo each other.

NP here and I feel exactly the same way. My parents weren't too bad about me marrying a non-Jew because my brothers broke that barrier before me but I do feel that most religion is a money grab. Bar/Bat Mitvah celebrations are obnoxious and miss the point entirely. There is nothing on earth that made me more miserable than attending Hebrew school 3 days each week, year after year.

[Anonymous]

I heard That's Amore does a very good job at a very very reasonable price. It's not the Ritz Carlton, but it can be done under 10k ( not kosher). I had the huge party and my kids will too but overall the trend is more scaled back and kid/their friends focused as people realize it's not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's much wiggle room on the kosher requirement. I have never been to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah reception that wasn't kosher.

OP, it's ridiculous that you are expected to invite 75 children to your son's Bar Mitzvah. If you want to scale back (and I don't blame you), then host an Oneg for the large crowd and have a more formal reception for family and close friends. Skip the DJ or find a friend or family member who will do it for little or nothing. No prizes, that's stupid.

[Anonymous]

my friend did Bar Mitzvahs for each of her two kids. They had to each cost at least 100k if not more. I'm not Jewish and I was really glad we don't have to do that. Of course it was one of the richer synagogues in D.C. but holy cow!

[Anonymous]

A friend of my son's had a DJ from the local high school at her bat mitzvah. I think it was a lot less expensive and the kids liked it better than the others because the kid is in tune with their music, etc. You could put a notice on the high school list serve...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fun is pizza DJ and photo booth.

This. Anything else you are doing for yourself in order to show off, not for your child or your guests.

Consider this: this is a religous rite of passage, not the social event of teh centure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don't raise your child Jewish b/c of a bar mitzvah? Ridiculous. Have a small luncheon of something simple at the temple afterward - a nice oneg.

More accurately, PP is not raising their child Jewish because of the bar mitzvah PARTY. Which is not actually a religious requirement.

I'm the original Pp who said this is why I'm not raising my children jewish--it was in response to the person who said you couldn't possibly throw a decent party for under 10k. It's that snooty attitude that I'm trying to stay away from. Not that all Jews act or talk like that, but the whole ridiculious bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah scene is absolutely about being showy and ostentatious. Sure you could have a low key affair with just cake and no DJ party after the service, but at what social cost to your child who is invited to these fancy shin digs and can't live up to the others or reciprocate?

My family were poor immigrants in the 70s and tried to join a synagogue and were turned away because they could not afford it. Our family is not the only ones who had experienced this, we have heard similar stories, so forgive me if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth towards this religion (and most religions, actually). I know now they have "scholarships" for families who can't afford them, but why all the money anyway? Why is belonging to a synagogue about fees/money and tickets?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely you can have a great, fun party for $10,000. You will have to have a buffet. Order from Koshermart, now Moti's, hire some wait staff to help serve and clear. Make your own centerpieces, they don't need to be fancy, hire a DJ from Davis DJs. Buy party favors from Oriental Trading. Buy huge candy bars for prizes. Maybe hire a characterture artist or t-shirt painter. Use paper products and plastic table cloths. The kids will have a blast. If the parents care, F--k em. They are not true friends.