Not picked as the guardian

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you make quite an assumption about why the friend doesn't like me. She doesn't like me because I bailed as DD during my sister's bachelorette party when strippers became involved. Yes, I paid for two cabs so everyone got home safely. Her friend just thinks I'm a loser for not wanting to participate. She and my sister have always been the party types, and I am...not.

You assume a lot, OP. You assume this woman doesn't like you, and you assume you know the reason why (strippers.) You assume you know the reason for your sister's choice- but do you? Did you ask her? You also assume your sister doesn't approve of your life and parenting. Try letting down the defensive shield for a minute and actually talking to these people. Ask your sister about her choice, ask her about her friend. Don't assume you know people's motives-- more often than not you will be dead wrong, and still miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you make quite an assumption about why the friend doesn't like me. She doesn't like me because I bailed as DD during my sister's bachelorette party when strippers became involved. Yes, I paid for two cabs so everyone got home safely. Her friend just thinks I'm a loser for not wanting to participate. She and my sister have always been the party types, and I am...not.

You assume a lot, OP. You assume this woman doesn't like you, and you assume you know the reason why (strippers.) You assume you know the reason for your sister's choice- but do you? Did you ask her? You also assume your sister doesn't approve of your life and parenting. Try letting down the defensive shield for a minute and actually talking to these people. Ask your sister about her choice, ask her about her friend. Don't assume you know people's motives-- more often than not you will be dead wrong, and still miserable.

She told my sister that and my sister told me. That's not an assumption.

Also, my sister doesn't know I know I'm not the guardian. Our mom told me.

[Anonymous]

Really I'm just sad about it. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I really need to write a will.

This! Especially after that horrible story of the parents of three being killed in a car accident in Maryland last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

Take these feelings to therapy, not to your sister.

[Anonymous]

I am the friend and you are my friends sister.

It is exhausting dealing with her jealousy.

We have to pretend I am not there when she calls. We have to pretend another friend drove my friend to the hospital when she is sick (she has cancer and has been about 20 times in the past 2 years).

We have to pretend I am too busy to stop by the weekends she visits.

Her kids would declare themselves a ward of the state over living with her... Even though she has 2 great kids and is an amazing mom... To them.

What is your relationship with her kids? That is what is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the friend and you are my friends sister.

It is exhausting dealing with her jealousy.

We have to pretend I am not there when she calls. We have to pretend another friend drove my friend to the hospital when she is sick (she has cancer and has been about 20 times in the past 2 years).

We have to pretend I am too busy to stop by the weekends she visits.

Her kids would declare themselves a ward of the state over living with her... Even though she has 2 great kids and is an amazing mom... To them.

What is your relationship with her kids? That is what is important.

I'm not jealous of her friend. I barely know her friend - but her friend has pegged me as the killjoy older sister based on one interaction.

I see my niece and nephew every 3-4 months, which is all I can manage since they're a plane ride away. Her friend is farther away, distance-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

Take these feelings to therapy, not to your sister.

I haven't told my sister those feelings, only DCUM right now. If I'm not suitable for family, why would I be suitable to take care of my own child? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

OP, through these posts I find you incredibly annoying. I can only imagine how your Debbie Downer victim routine plays in your real life. Get therapy and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

Oh, and on this board you should identify yourself as OP when you reply. It helps everyone keep up.

[Anonymous]

If you're thinking you aren't fit to raise your own child over this news, you certainly are in no fit state to add more children to the mix. And your posts have all been very self-centered - "me, me, me". If you feel good with your kid, you're good.

And as someone who is dealing now with stepping in to help raise kids of a parent with depression, there is zero chance I would have someone with depression be designated the guardian of my children. It has nothing to do with me liking you or not, and everything to do with making sure my kids are in the most stable, consistent place they can be. It's not their fault, but dealing with depressed adults is tiring and minefield for this around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the friend and you are my friends sister.

It is exhausting dealing with her jealousy.

We have to pretend I am not there when she calls. We have to pretend another friend drove my friend to the hospital when she is sick (she has cancer and has been about 20 times in the past 2 years).

We have to pretend I am too busy to stop by the weekends she visits.

Her kids would declare themselves a ward of the state over living with her... Even though she has 2 great kids and is an amazing mom... To them.

What is your relationship with her kids? That is what is important.

I'm not jealous of her friend. I barely know her friend - but her friend has pegged me as the killjoy older sister based on one interaction.

I see my niece and nephew every 3-4 months, which is all I can manage since they're a plane ride away. Her friend is farther away, distance-wise.

But you are exhausting..and people have given you advise... Let it go, move on, get therapy... But you have an answer for everything ... excuse after excuse.

You fly to your sister's about once a week ????

Btw ... Your sister and her husband are not going to die... You are sad literally over something that will never happen.

What is wrong with your family bTW... First your mom telling you that you are not the guardian... Then you sister telling you her BFF does not like you. Your family sounds super dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

But this is why she did not choose you. You don't seem stable! The fact that you cannot put yourself in her shoes, and understand she is making the best decision. Are you saying that your sister should worry about your self esteem and hurt feelings over her own concerns about her kids welfare? If you are..your narcissism alone would make me say, "no way".

[Anonymous]

Maybe people are missing my two issues.

1. She's said I'm an unfit mother to my own child, by implying I can't raise hers.

2. She's picked someone who will ensure I never see my niece and nephew, simply because she thinks I'm a killjoy.

By the way, I said PPD. That's over and done with, and my child is two years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe people are missing my two issues.

1. She's said I'm an unfit mother to my own child, by implying I can't raise hers.

2. She's picked someone who will ensure I never see my niece and nephew, simply because she thinks I'm a killjoy.

By the way, I said PPD. That's over and done with, and my child is two years old.

#1 doesn't make sense. #2 is something you can work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

That is OP projecting.

Agree with the first poster, your sister is trying to find the best fit for her kids if God forbid the worst happens.