Not picked as the guardian

[Anonymous]

You are self-admittedly not the best candidate to care for your children. Due to personal issues, you have struggled to provide a stable environment for one child and you want her to designate you the guardian for three children? If you struggle with work-life issues for your one child, how will your situation improve by adding two more dependent children to the mix? If is as much love for you as love for her children that she chose someone else. Additionally, you feel that her best friend does not approve of you and does not like you, and may try to keep your niece and nephew from seeing you. I think the friend's disapproval is probably entirely based on your instability; you are not a stable influence on your niece and nephew.

So, my advice? Take this as a wake-up call to try and get your own life in order. Look for a way to improve your work-life balance. Talk with your employer about trying to change jobs or decrease your responsibilities to allow you to get back some of that work-life balance. If you can't do that, then perhaps looking for a job that has a better work-life balance is in order. You know the issues, so either you can just accept that your personal work issues decrease your ability to parent effectively and that it affects how others view you, or you can look for solutions that will eliminate the primary cause of your lack of balance and will give you better balance to become a more stable parental influence on your child and your niece and nephew. My guess is that if you can improve your balance and provide more time for your child, your niece and nephew then your sister and her friend will recognize it. If you become a parent with more time for your family, you may find that your sister's best friend would not be so disapproving and would be more accepting of you.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife picked family friends as well because I wasn't married and didn't have children, though I have a very stable job, finances, etc. It did hurt my feelings a bit, for sure. But I certainly didn't mention it and of course it's such a crazy long shot that it's not worth holding onto any bad feelings. The funny part is that the friend ended up getting divorced, while I am now married with my own family. I don't know if they changed their wills or not--I haven't thought about it in a long time and it really doesn't matter. I don't think the friend would ever stand in the way if my nieces and nephews wanted to come and live with us, and now they're old enough to have some opinions.

[Anonymous]

Please try not to take it as an insult to your parenting, it doesn't mean that you're a bad parent. We changed our minds about guardianship for our kids after our original choice had kids of their own -- not because we think they're bad parents, but because one has significant special needs and we think adding two more children to their household wouldn't be fair to anyone. These are complex decisions, and the reason why you decide not to choose someone doesn't necessarily reflect badly on them.

[Anonymous]

God, I really need to write a will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sort of a spinoff here, but did everyone else tell the people they picked as guardians? I honestly don't remember if we did!

god of course we did!!! you don't want that to be a surprise!

[Anonymous]

I think that death of the parents is one of the few times that the family can be legally awarded visitation rights. This is not worth losing sleep over. The chances that both parents pass before the children are adults are practically none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

You sound like a sad sap, an immature girl, and somebody who is NOT dependable. You have to see how your attitude makes you seem like a bad guardian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

You sound like a sad sap, an immature girl, and somebody who is NOT dependable. You have to see how your attitude makes you seem like a bad guardian.

You meant this to be helpful to OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure picking a guardian who will keep her children from their family is a good call.

Anyway, it doesn't help with my extremely low self-esteem. It makes me think my child is better off with someone else.

You sound like a sad sap, an immature girl, and somebody who is NOT dependable. You have to see how your attitude makes you seem like a bad guardian.

You meant this to be helpful to OP?

I'm not this PP but I do think if she's wrongly getting worked up over something as small as this, she is kind of immature adult and not somebody I would entrust raising children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I really need to write a will.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sort of a spinoff here, but did everyone else tell the people they picked as guardians? I honestly don't remember if we did!

Good Lord, we didn't tell - we asked. You don't name a person as guardian without asking if they are comfortable with that (and providing them with assurance that you have made arrangements for your child's security).

Imagine having this sprung on you!

[Anonymous]

OP, I know it hurts, but it is not about you. Your desire to be a guardian does not trump your sister's right to make the best choice for her children (even if that hurts you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa there. You might be a great parent to one kid, but maybe your sister can tell you wouldn't be a great parent to THREE kids. Your sister still loves you. And the odds are, unless you're plotting a murder, she won't die any time soon. So it's all irrelevant.

+1. It's not that you're a bad parent to the kid you have, it's just that taking in two additional children-- who are traumatized and grieving the loss of BOTH their parents-- is a lot for anyone to deal with. Especially because you would also be grieving the loss of your sister.

Also, she might be thinking you'll have an additional kid, so that would bring your total to 4.

[Anonymous]

PP, you make quite an assumption about why the friend doesn't like me. She doesn't like me because I bailed as DD during my sister's bachelorette party when strippers became involved. Yes, I paid for two cabs so everyone got home safely. Her friend just thinks I'm a loser for not wanting to participate. She and my sister have always been the party types, and I am...not.

[Anonymous]

My niece and nephew were orphaned several years ago. The designated guardians decided to pass in favor of a close family member. People's lives change and they may no longer be willing/able to assume such a big responsibility, even if there is money available to help with the cost to of raising them. Remember, people can always decline when the time comes.