Coparenting with a difficult parent.
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Anonymous
| I'm the PP. OP, I have a very difficult and hostile ex. The best thing I did was find a good therapist for myself. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I wouldn't go to a therapist with him. Find one for yourself. |
Anonymous
| 20:02 I'm PP 14:54 and I did both. The family therapist as we called her helped us with some decisions about our child and disputes about summer plans, school, etc. |
Anonymous
Hey its me again. So now he is refusing to pay day care ( the only thing that he is responsible for paying). I have paid daycare for the last two weeks. Aside from not paying day care he is now refusing to give me anything towards helping our child. This is his weekend and unfortunately it has not been good. On Friday he called and asked me to pack some nice clothes. Well today he calls complaining about the clothes that I packed. I simply said ok. A few hours later he sends a text with a picture of our child in new clothes. In caption it states oh you were trying to be funny but I have money to buy new clothes and I am keeping all 288 dollars worth of clothes at my house. I never responded back. Its just crazy to me. I am not arguing with you, I am not bothering you, I have been doing everything because he is refusing to do anything. I do need to find a therapists, because I have never been in such a confrontational relationship as I am with this one. |
Anonymous
| He's not just difficult, OP. He's nuts. Countdown clock time. |
Anonymous
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At some point you'll have to embrace the fact that you are a single mom. I mean, won't you? My ex won't buy the children more than one meal on the day he picks them up. That's the kind of asshole I chose. In their entire lives, my children have received exactly: two boxes of diapers, two onesies, a single summer outfit, and two toys. They are six and four years old. He didn't tell the children his girlfriend's name because he didn't want them to mention her to me. He became persona non grata at DD's daycare because he flipped out when someone asked him about bringing an extra change of clothes. He yelled at the elementary school administrator that phoned him about something. Let's see...he doesn't pick up the phone for any reason except when he has either something ugly to say or if he wants to taunt me about something. I am a single mother with a history of having made one very bad choice. Stop calling him for anything non-essential. If he's obligated to pay for daycare, have them send him the bills and follow up. DISENGAGE. Stop with the crazy. |
Anonymous
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Omg. Stop fucking complaining. Go to the courts to get a visitation agreement and child support. I hate women that complain about men but dont do a damn thing to be a woman and handle shit on their own.
Im a single mom who dealt with a crazy ex. Things got better once everything was out in court and settled. No lawyers needed. |
Anonymous
Hi its me. Thank you for your advise. |
Anonymous
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21:24 Seriously? I have a court order for child support and a mediated visitation agreement and my ex gave me hell for the duration at every turn. Lawyers are crazy expensive.
That said, OP, do you have any sort of agreement? Can you afford a lawyer? |
Anonymous
+1 My XH is worse for about 6 mos every time we go to court or mediation because he is angry that he's "lost" i.e. didn't get every unreasonable demand he was making. Ironically, we're there because he keeps self-filing stupid motions. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, I have friends with court orders that their exes don't honor. 21:24, perhaps that worked for your family but its not going to make "crazy" go away. |
Anonymous
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Hang in there OP! The years eventually pass and you really want to focus on your child and not the wack-job ex. If he's making things difficult, work around him when you can, file for relief from the court when you can't; and document either way.
P.S. I just won a major concession for DD and myself by staying calm and sticking to the parenting agreement in the face of innumerable and raging text messages. It will be a Merry Christmas after all. |
Anonymous
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OP, this fool is getting away with his crap because he CAN.
You need to get everything nailed down legally. Custody, phonecalls, child support-and including daycare since he doesn't seem to wish to pay his share. Get it garnished right from his check so he can't not pay it. Send ds in the clothes he has on-whatever he wears back from dad, send him back to ex in it. You shouldn't be buying clothes for the ex's household. You are being way too nice. Communication should be about child needs only. Don't engage with him. Ignore. Document ex's non payment and save his texts/emails. |
Anonymous
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You need to go to your state's child support enforcement agency. Yes, it's a pain to set up. But they will garnish his wages and you will get your money without chasing him around, complicated conversations with him, etc.
In VA: https://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse/ In MD: http://www.dhr.state.md.us/blog/?page_id=10276 In DC: http://cssd.dc.gov/ Do it today. It took me about 6 months before my case was fully set up (I have a complicated situation with an Ex out of state, etc.) but they garnish his wages and every month I get support; they took him to court to get back support, and literally I got $6K from a deadbeat who refused to pay for medical insurance, extended day, but who somehow magically had the money to fly DS to Disneyland. |
Anonymous
p.s. I did not pay an attorney to get my case set up, to get his wages garnished, etc. The states do this because child poverty is very real and parents have an obligation to pay for their children's care and basic necessities. I really feel like this is going to be your best option |