Trying to understand MIL/FIL paying for everything for 26 y/o SIL
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Anonymous
This, OP. And pity the man she marries, and their future kids/family life because of you think that those things they bought don't come with strings attached, sit back and watch the show. This is the typical set up for overbearing MIL, too much criticism and input on your parenting, forced vacations, forced visits, and drama. You will be able to gracefully bow out of the 10 day vacation in a 2 bedroom condo with age inappropriate outings without a care. Your SIL will be dragging a fuming husband and crying kids because they paid for the down payment on their first house and she can't say no. They will also live with her in their old age since they help with mortgage and put that brand new sun porch on. Feel better?! 
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Anonymous
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OP, a lot of families have inequities that seem to somehow mysteriously work for them. BIL is the "first born son" and gets all kinds of special treatment, even though he makes a ton of money. He bought a franchise from DHs company, using ILs money, pulled out last minute, thus causing the company to have to absorb the money (leading to its closure) and now it's on DH to pay ILs back. No mention is ever made that it was BILs business, loans, or decisions that led to this big financial mess.
But, DH loves his parents unconditionally, and your DH probably does too. So, stay out of it, and let the family dynamic run how it's likely always run, regardless of what "fair" is in your eyes. Could be because she's the girl, the youngest, the product of an affair... Who knows. Just be happy you can fend for yourself and have no strings attached to your happiness. |
Anonymous
| OP, so sorry this is happening. Your SIL is a nasty little thing to rub it in your husbands face. Favoritism is a thing, but I've never heard of such a severe situation. Does your husband have any idea why they "hate" him so much? |
Anonymous
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It might be due to asking vs not asking. Also, I'm an only child too and am also somewhat perplexed by the sibling favorite dynamic. So I totally get your curiosity.
The same situation plays out in DHs family. SIL asks constantly for money (even though her husband makes $200k+). She always frames it as "it's for the kids." Private school for 3 kids, vacations, boat,, a down payment etc. she always claims how poor she is - but their income is much more than ours AND they live in a much lower cost of living state. My DH and I ask for nothing. We both work hard. Live modestly and pay our bills. DH has 6 figures of student loans which I attribute partially to his parents pushing him to get a grad degree in a field that he hates. The only time DH drew a line was when I had a serious medical condition and we were faced with very expensive medical treatment barely covered by insurance. in laws offered to help but SIL got upset because she "needed a boat...for the kids" and expected her parents to pick up the bill. We ended up getting a small amount but paid the rest ourselves, proudly. My inlaws are now paying less for her shenanigans. Sometimes you need to put stuff in perspective. If DH is concerned he should say something to his parents. They may not fully realize the enablement. Also, he can say that it is causing tension in the relationship. I would assume most parents don't want to see their adult children at war over money. |
Anonymous
You know, after reading this second post from OP I am not going to waste my breath on somebody so nasty. |
Anonymous
I think op has a valid point asking if this is as weird as she thinks it is. Dysfunctional families make the normal one question themselves a lot. You practically try to defend the crazy behaviour until it becomes too obvious that this is not normal anymore. But it screws with your head especially if this is all you know. |
Anonymous
| This is a dysfunctional dynamic. I agree with the PP's- your husband actually got the better part of the deal. He is independent. |
Anonymous
| Op, DO NOT attempt "to understand". I fully agree with pp |
Anonymous
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OP,
I come from a family of 3. As the only girl, I was never coddled. I ended up paying for more stuff on my own b/c I was able to get higher paying jobs in high school and during grad school (e.g., went to better law school than older brother, and got paid big law salary). At times it was very hard for me to deal with but it's better to be in the position to fend for yourself. My youngest brother was seriously crippled by my parents always bailing him out. Now he's almost 40, has no job and incapable of supporting himself. It may be painful for you and your husband that his parents treated DH and his sister so differently, but I'd rather be your DH than his younger sister. |
Anonymous
If she is hot she can snag rich man as they say, no boyfriend no problem |
Anonymous
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DH's sister is somewhat coddled like this. She is 45! Married, SAHM. Parents paid for both her degrees, while DH relied on scholarships and loans. Her husband quits his job and relocates at least once every two years, with her parents footing the move and the house down payment each time.
Buuuut, that has sort of come to an end, because we just had a baby and his sister's kids are older. I think his parents are just sort of done with the coddling. |
Anonymous
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The coddling will go on, until it doesn't.
DH can live his life with resentment, or he can choose not to. |
Anonymous
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You and your DH have been nominated for the World Perfect Person Prize.
If it is not your money they are lavishing on SIL then it is NONE of your business, |
Anonymous
This is exactly right. It won't make up for the favoritism but your DH is handling his life just fine. |
Anonymous
My guess is that you are favored and coddled. |