Trying to understand MIL/FIL paying for everything for 26 y/o SIL
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Anonymous
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I am an only child and don't see, talk or expect anything from my family so I'm have nothing to compare this to. DH put himself through college, bought his first car, still is paying off student loans and had to work the entire time he was in school. He then graduated and moved back home for one year during which ILs charged him rent. We then met, married and moved in and furnished our apartment with second hand, thrifty finds. We also paid for our own wedding, didn't ask for a dime, didn't expect it.
We went to see SIL this weekend at her first apartment (lived with parents rent free)and her stuff was incredible. All one Kings Lane and brand new. She said their parents bought everything. Plus all new kitchen stuff. She then went through and listed the price tag of everything. DH said parents paid for her college, she lived off campus and didn't work and have bought her multiple cars. When we left, she showed us her new 2014 Honda that mommy and daddy just bought as a congrats for her new job making 60 a year. Is this normal?? We don't want anything from them per se. But when DH talked about it, he said it's always been like that and then casually goes "they hate me and they love her." I also found out the pay her cell phone, buy clothes, and pay for hair cuts and beauty upkeep. Is anyone else family like this?? The sick part was the weird smile she had on her face when she could see DH squirming a bit. Like it made her happy to rub his face in it. It was so weird to me!! |
Anonymous
| I mean, what do you want us to say? You guys are perfect, and she sucks. Yes, it's weird, no, it's not normal, yes, it sucks for your DH. |
Anonymous
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If you want money ask for it. If you don't don't. It's not healthy to keep a score card.
Some people feel weird accepting help other don't. I am sure the mom and daughter are closer, they probably go shopping together and did it as a fun project together. The grandmother will also be closer to the daughter's children than yours... most likely because they spend more time together. |
Anonymous
| What from my post would make you think I want you to tell me I'm perfect? Do you even have siblings? In laws? My guess is not. So then I question why you waste my time posting non answers or advice on an ADVICE and ANSWER forum. Keep scrolling, troll. Aint nobody got time for that. |
Anonymous
| Are there other signs of favoritism? Look up the "golden child/scapegoat" scenario. Are they far apart in age? Is SIL considered the "baby" because she's significantly younger? How is dh's relationship with his parents? |
Anonymous
| Not your kid and not your money. Keep out of this. |
Anonymous
| Not sure what to say other than it would bother me and I'd distance myself from the family. |
Anonymous
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It would irritate me too. But like others have said, there's nothing you can do about it.
My MIL favors my BIL, but not to this extreme. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes parents baby girls or the child they feel needs the most help. My younger sister has been babied a lot but that's because she's struggled career wise and been unemployed a lot. The same happens with my DH and his sister. His sister is older but Dh's parents have paid for several things for her because her husband is a deadbeat. I agree with pp, that you should stay out of it. If it bothers your DH that much he should speak to his parents. They may not even be aware of what they are doing. |
Anonymous
This. You don't have to try and understand this OP! |
Anonymous
| OP, I hear you. My DH's sister has a dynamic like this with their parents too. But get this: she is 41!! Yes, 41!! Her dad still also comes over once a week and MOWS HER LAWN. I don't want any of this (the $, the stuff, etc.) b/c it comes with strings attached (too much togetherness for my tastes) but I just wonder WHAT the heck went on in this family that they think this is a normal arrangement. I also feel really sorry for her that she is still so ensnared in mommy and daddy. |
Anonymous
| Myob |
Anonymous
| Pity her that she can't function as an adult and is basically a leech. |
Anonymous
| My siblings are financially successful and I am not (some health issues, plus made mistake of going into low paying field and now am stuck - I'm not a slacker). My parents help me out some like let me live for free at their house for a while and sometimes pay my health care costs and pay for my tickets home etc (though will is equal) and trust me.....I would waaaaay rather be in my siblings' position. |
Anonymous
Yes, and yes. I just don't get what you want people to say about this situation. But your response speaks volumes. |