sister put baby for adoption in 1991 and is still collecting/buying gifts yearly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

You are a wicked soul. God have mercy on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money
On? I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money
On? I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal.

It does sound as if she needs some mental health services. This is not healthy behavior.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how heartless some of you are. As a mother I can't imagine the pain this woman must feel.

[Anonymous]

My mom was raped and was forced to surrender my sister for adoption. (It was in the 60's and she was sent away.)

I WISH my mother had had a ritual like this as away to express her love for her child. It's beautiful and heartbreaking. But at least she has an outlet for her grief and love.

Has she registered for any of the adoption reunion registries out there? She could let her daughter know that she's out there and would like to meet her. Most likely, her daughter will want to find her someday. (My sister did, thanks to a private detective she hired.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money
On? I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal.

You're horrible, PP. I can imagine the child meeting the birth mom because my sister, who had been surrendered for adoption, found us in her 30's. It meant the world to her to know that my mom thought of her on her birthday every year and even wrote her letters. If you are the kind of person who would run away from another person's love for you, that says something about YOUR emotional immaturity and weakness, not the person who expressed love.

What is unhealthy is the trauma that OP's sister endured - the rape, the pregnancy, having to be separated from her baby. What is healthy are the coping mechanisms that allow his sister to express her grief and love.

[Anonymous]

I do not believe anyone would benefit from knowing their existence is due to a violent crime. Conceived in rape, what a legacy knowing you should have been an abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with other posters that you're a caring big brother. And I agree that your sister endured some very significant trauma. Is her mental health stable? If she met her child, who is now a grown woman, could she cope with the situation? Does she have other kids now or is this child her only child?

I ask this because I wonder if you could help your sister take some steps to help her child locate her, if that's what the adoptee desires. Has your sister contacted the adoption agency in writing, providing current info if the adoptee is searching for her? Your sister could register with DNA sites like 23&me (or whatever it's called) to help the child if she's searching.

I personally can't imagine a nicer gift for the adoptee than to find out she was never forgotten. Even if she has a completely fantastic relationship with her parents, all this gifts would probably mean a great deal. And, if your sister is stable & capable of respecting boundaries, then finding the child she put up for adoption might be the gift of a lifetime. Just a thought, and no disrespect to the child's parents (adoptive).

Hi there, I missed this one. The Adoption agency is the state of Virginia. They stopped working with us once the adoptee daughter turned 18, citing privacy reasons. This was her only child,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money
On? I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal.

It does sound as if she needs some mental health services. This is not healthy behavior.

Yes, she has been a consumer/patient in the mental health system since 1988. She has several counselors, a case worker and and housing counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not believe anyone would benefit from knowing their existence is due to a violent crime. Conceived in rape, what a legacy knowing you should have been an abortion.

WTF? Should have been aborted? Obviously, this women didn't think so and I imagine her daughter would agree. What the hell is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her be. It's how she deals with it.

x 1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money
On? I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal.

Until you are raped, forced to give a child up for adoption and spend the rest of your life wondering, you dont' KNOW what this person's normal is. Yours however, seems to be being a bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with other posters that you're a caring big brother. And I agree that your sister endured some very significant trauma. Is her mental health stable? If she met her child, who is now a grown woman, could she cope with the situation? Does she have other kids now or is this child her only child?

I ask this because I wonder if you could help your sister take some steps to help her child locate her, if that's what the adoptee desires. Has your sister contacted the adoption agency in writing, providing current info if the adoptee is searching for her? Your sister could register with DNA sites like 23&me (or whatever it's called) to help the child if she's searching.

I personally can't imagine a nicer gift for the adoptee than to find out she was never forgotten. Even if she has a completely fantastic relationship with her parents, all this gifts would probably mean a great deal. And, if your sister is stable & capable of respecting boundaries, then finding the child she put up for adoption might be the gift of a lifetime. Just a thought, and no disrespect to the child's parents (adoptive).

Hi there, I missed this one. The Adoption agency is the state of Virginia. They stopped working with us once the adoptee daughter turned 18, citing privacy reasons. This was her only child,

She may be able to, with your help petition the court to open the records. Try the DNA testing and posting online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see. Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill. She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life. Only she can help herself. Stop wasting your time.

You are a wicked soul. God have mercy on you.

I agree, you're wicked. May God have mercy, indeed.

You get raped and get pregnant from that, then put the baby up for adoption, *then* come back and tell us how it feels.

You horrible oxygen waste.