Reply to sister put baby for adoption in 1991 and is still collecting/buying gifts yearly

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister was raped in 1990. Both her and the perpertrator were mental health clients in fairfax county and it happened on county property. Her daughter was born in May 1991. The adoption was closed. Ever since, my sister buys Birthday and Xmas gifts for a daughter she may never see.  Is this OK or has it gone over into inappropriateness?  [/quote]

Ridiculous! She is mentally and emotionally ill.  She should have gotten on with her life long ago but she had chosen to wallow in self pity for over half her life.  Only she can help herself.  Stop wasting your time.[/quote]

+100
Can you imagine the child who is now an adult meeting the birth mom
And finding out some mentally ill woman stored away 20+ years of crap she wasted money 
On?  I'd run fast and wish I never found the birth mother.

You should help your sister into some therapy to overcome being locked in this
Cycle. It's unhealthy and not normal. 
[/quote]

You're horrible, PP.  I can imagine the child meeting the birth mom because my sister, who had been surrendered for adoption, found us in her 30's.  It meant the world to her to know that my mom thought of her on her birthday every year and even wrote her letters.  If you are the kind of person who would run away from another person's love for you, that says something about YOUR emotional immaturity and weakness, not the person who expressed love.

What is unhealthy is the trauma that OP's sister endured - the rape, the pregnancy, having to be separated from her baby.  What is healthy are the coping mechanisms that allow his sister to express her grief and love.[/quote]

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