Careless driver a good enough reason to break up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him one last warning and break up with him. You don't have to put up with this. You can do better than a man who carelessly jeopardizes your life and the lives of others, and is insensitive to your feelings.

If it's this bad now, how are you going to feel the first time he drives your child somewhere?

+1. If it's this bad now, how will it be when he's an old man?

[Anonymous]

GF's friend is a really nice guy and has a lot of positive qualities, but he is by far the worst, most aggressive driver, I've been in a car in a very long time. Blowing through red lights, weaving in and out of rush-hour traffic, tailgating, aggressive braking, having intense conversations with people in car, basically paying as little attention to the road as possible. But he's great at finding parking close to venues, his friends joke.

Bottom line: A-hole aggressive drivers are selfish aholes who put others at risk for their own gratification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think given the personal meaning this has for you, he should have at least made an effort to change his behavior.

Have you put it to him that way - sitting him down, seriously, outside of the car, and saying "Look Dave, it REALLY bothers me that you text while driving. You know my mother died in a car accident, and I find it ignorant and disrespectful of my feelings that you continue to do so. This is approaching a deal-breaker issue for me" or have you just sort of said "hey, please don't do that" when you're in the car and he does. If you haven't tried the first approach yet, do so as a last attempt, and see what he does.

Yes, I've spoken to him many times about this issue. I usually have to grab his phone from him and either put it in the holder or put it in my purse. He doesn't necessarily text while driving. I think he's checking his emails at red lights or looking up an address so he can use the phone as GPS. I never actually asked him to have 2 hands on the wheel. This is just the way I drive.

I don't understand. Is he texting and driving or looking at his phone when the car is stopped at red lights?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can break up for whatever reason you want. If this is a biggie for you, then make clear it's a dealbreaker. Explain your worries. Offer some solutions.

One partial solution is that he not be the driver when you're in the car. Don't give him any wiggle room over this, explain why it's the case. He can either accept it or break up over it.

But if you're en-route to marriage and possibly kids, then you have another very important issue to confront.

Again, talk talk talk.

I had a dealbreaker issue with my boyfriend (who became my fiancé and now my husband of 12 years). It's not one he agreed with, and I knew my mission wasn't to change his mind or alter his values. And I also said that I was willing to engage in spirited debate about it, I might even be able to intellectually and abstractly cede some points, but it would never change my mind about the real life experience of it. I did have the mission to explain my POV, articulate that it was a dealbreaker issue for me, and then if confronted with someone who wasn't sensitive to it, I'd probably be examining whether I needed to break up with him.

Again, this wasn't a threat. It was just the honest truth.

You might go this route and see what becomes of it. Again, you might have to give up convincing him of your moral high ground. But you can convince him of your strong feelings on the matter and the possible consequences for your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up in another country where nobody uses seatbelts. He now uses them since I asked him to. He may still think it's silly or an inconvenience, but he made that change for me.

These aren't unreasonable requests. You deserve someone who will take very basic safety requests seriously.

Your husband should overcome his upbringing and not be a fucking moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up in another country where nobody uses seatbelts. He now uses them since I asked him to. He may still think it's silly or an inconvenience, but he made that change for me.

These aren't unreasonable requests. You deserve someone who will take very basic safety requests seriously.

Your husband should overcome his upbringing and not be a fucking moron.

Reading comprehension fail.

[Anonymous]

So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

No he's touching/ holding phone while driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

No he's touching/ holding phone while driving.

Touching/holding isn't the same as looking at/texting. Honestly it sounds like you're being a little bit of a drama queen over it but you're entitled to have deal breakers whatever they may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

No he's touching/ holding phone while driving.

But not looking at it while driving? I think you're overreacting a bit but he should respect your feelings because they're very strong and it would take so little for him to accommodate your request. Maybe he feels that you're being controlling, especially if you're taking his phone away from him and putting it in your purse.

I would sit down with him when you're not in the car and talk it out - not accusingly or with any hostility. Just tell
Him how you feel, and why.

[Anonymous]

He's selfish and immature. This is not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

No he's touching/ holding phone while driving.

But not looking at it while driving? I think you're overreacting a bit but he should respect your feelings because they're very strong and it would take so little for him to accommodate your request. Maybe he feels that you're being controlling, especially if you're taking his phone away from him and putting it in your purse.

I would sit down with him when you're not in the car and talk it out - not accusingly or with any hostility. Just tell
Him how you feel, and why.

He IS looking at it. I've been out of town for the last week so I haven't spoken to him about this yet. Last week it just kind of hit me because he was speeding on 465 and trying to look up some address on his GPS at the same time. When I yelled at him for this, he pulled onto the shoulder of the highway. Parking on the shoulder for me is something I would only do if I had an emergency. He's done this quite a few times and we didn't have an emergency any of the times. He also got a reckless driving speeding ticket for going 80 over last summer. I think they waved everything because he showed up to court but still.

[Anonymous]

When I opened this thread, I figured that you were going to be an overly controlling woman who was quite unreasonable. After reading it, I think it is clear that this is part of a much bigger issue.

I would not want to raise kids with this man.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him about the fact that this is important enough to you to be a deal breaker. Maybe he'll get it then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's just reading his emails at red lights? Obviously still not good but better than texting while driving.

No he's touching/ holding phone while driving.

But not looking at it while driving? I think you're overreacting a bit but he should respect your feelings because they're very strong and it would take so little for him to accommodate your request. Maybe he feels that you're being controlling, especially if you're taking his phone away from him and putting it in your purse.

I would sit down with him when you're not in the car and talk it out - not accusingly or with any hostility. Just tell
Him how you feel, and why.

He IS looking at it. I've been out of town for the last week so I haven't spoken to him about this yet. Last week it just kind of hit me because he was speeding on 465 and trying to look up some address on his GPS at the same time. When I yelled at him for this, he pulled onto the shoulder of the highway. Parking on the shoulder for me is something I would only do if I had an emergency. He's done this quite a few times and we didn't have an emergency any of the times. He also got a reckless driving speeding ticket for going 80 over last summer. I think they waved everything because he showed up to court but still.

Why can't he just hand you the phone so you can look up the address? Seem like he has control issues. Does he like to have unreasonable power in other areas of his life?