Careless driver a good enough reason to break up?

[Anonymous]

I've asked my boyfriend soooooooo many times to stop using his phone while driving. There are many reasons to why you don't do ANYTHING while driving a car except focus on driving. Whether it's texting, taking a call, touching etc etc. It doesn't matter. The road is unpredicable and anything can happen. MY MOM DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND HE KNOWS THIS. I want him to make sure both his hands are on the wheel unless he is changing gears. This will make sure his reaction time is at its max. I love him soooooo much but this drives me crazy! He's 31 and I am 27 . Been together for 1 year. Will he ever change?

[Anonymous]

No. And if you marry him and have children, he'll drive this carelessly with them in the car, too. Honestly, it would be a deal breaker for me for so many reasons.

[Anonymous]

No he will not change.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

1. Safety.
2. Respect for you.

He doesn't have any of these things. Dump.

[Anonymous]

This would be a deal breaker for me too. Not only is he being unsafe but he isn't respecting your wishes, so you are going to either have to drive or white knuckle it for the rest of your life. I wouldn't sign up for that.

[Anonymous]

Done.

[Anonymous]

He's a selfish prick

Dump

[Anonymous]

No, he won't change. If this really bothers you, end it now. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him.

[Anonymous]

Not using his phone while you are in the vehicle is not an unreasonable request.

You using your mom's death as a way to push it on him is lame.

You telling him he needs both hands on the wheel is controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Safety.
2. Respect for you.

He doesn't have any of these things. Dump.

This. Yes, it is a good enough reason to break up and no, he will not change. I'm sorry about your mother. My brother was also killed in a car accident. That makes responsible driving that much more of a priority for me.

[Anonymous]

My husband grew up in another country where nobody uses seatbelts. He now uses them since I asked him to. He may still think it's silly or an inconvenience, but he made that change for me.

These aren't unreasonable requests. You deserve someone who will take very basic safety requests seriously.

[Anonymous]

Considering this has a personal meaning for you, I would think your boyfriend would at least be sensitive to your concerns.

I would.

But he is missing a sensitivity chip here. I know you love him, but at this stage in his life he most likely is already too set in his ways to change. Or he could be stubborn.

If he cannot compromise his bad habit in lieu of your personal feelings about this, you may need to ask yourself if love in enough in a situation like this.

[Anonymous]

*if love IS enough

[Anonymous]

I think given the personal meaning this has for you, he should have at least made an effort to change his behavior.

Have you put it to him that way - sitting him down, seriously, outside of the car, and saying "Look Dave, it REALLY bothers me that you text while driving. You know my mother died in a car accident, and I find it ignorant and disrespectful of my feelings that you continue to do so. This is approaching a deal-breaker issue for me" or have you just sort of said "hey, please don't do that" when you're in the car and he does. If you haven't tried the first approach yet, do so as a last attempt, and see what he does.

[Anonymous]

I'm a little confused by what he's doing. Is he texting while driving? Or is he using Bluetooth so both hands are on the wheel? You mention touching - touching the phone like he's just holding it constantly while driving?

What does he say when you bring it up? I agree texting and holding a phone and talking is not good. I personally don't have a problem being on a Bluetooth call. But then I don't know if I always have both hands on the wheel, I am sure that I have a hand resting on the armrest from time to time. I think if his behavior is this problematic for you, only you can decide if it's too much. And as a PP mentioned, you are going to have to figure out whether you could handle him driving your kids if you had any. On the other hand, I can't really tell the extent of the problem so if you are going to think not having both hands on the wheel at all times is a dealbreaker, you are going to have a hard time finding someone.