Careless driver a good enough reason to break up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not using his phone while you are in the vehicle is not an unreasonable request.

You using your mom's death as a way to push it on him is lame.

You telling him he needs both hands on the wheel is controlling.

d

This x1000.

[Anonymous]

Give him one last warning and break up with him. You don't have to put up with this. You can do better than a man who carelessly jeopardizes your life and the lives of others, and is insensitive to your feelings.

If it's this bad now, how are you going to feel the first time he drives your child somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Its also against the law. You could report him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a selfish prick

Dump

Complete jerk. Inconsiderate in the extreme.

DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think given the personal meaning this has for you, he should have at least made an effort to change his behavior.

Have you put it to him that way - sitting him down, seriously, outside of the car, and saying "Look Dave, it REALLY bothers me that you text while driving. You know my mother died in a car accident, and I find it ignorant and disrespectful of my feelings that you continue to do so. This is approaching a deal-breaker issue for me" or have you just sort of said "hey, please don't do that" when you're in the car and he does. If you haven't tried the first approach yet, do so as a last attempt, and see what he does.

Yes, I've spoken to him many times about this issue. I usually have to grab his phone from him and either put it in the holder or put it in my purse. He doesn't necessarily text while driving. I think he's checking his emails at red lights or looking up an address so he can use the phone as GPS. I never actually asked him to have 2 hands on the wheel. This is just the way I drive.

[Anonymous]

Yes. do you want him driving your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. do you want him driving your kids?

Not everyone wants to have children.

[Anonymous]

careless driver not necessarily a good enough reason to break up.
refusal to honor requests to follow the law and drive safely? yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've asked my boyfriend soooooooo many times to stop using his phone while driving. There are many reasons to why you don't do ANYTHING while driving a car except focus on driving. Whether it's texting, taking a call, touching etc etc. It doesn't matter. The road is unpredicable and anything can happen. MY MOM DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND HE KNOWS THIS. I want him to make sure both his hands are on the wheel unless he is changing gears. This will make sure his reaction time is at its max. I love him soooooo much but this drives me crazy! He's 31 and I am 27 . Been together for 1 year. Will he ever change?

HELL YES it is. Asshole, inconsiderate drivers are a menace to society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think given the personal meaning this has for you, he should have at least made an effort to change his behavior.

Have you put it to him that way - sitting him down, seriously, outside of the car, and saying "Look Dave, it REALLY bothers me that you text while driving. You know my mother died in a car accident, and I find it ignorant and disrespectful of my feelings that you continue to do so. This is approaching a deal-breaker issue for me" or have you just sort of said "hey, please don't do that" when you're in the car and he does. If you haven't tried the first approach yet, do so as a last attempt, and see what he does.

I agree with this pp. He may consider it as a minor annoyance to you, so you need to ensure that he realizes that this is a big deal to you. Then, if he doesn't step up, you know he's making a deliberate choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think given the personal meaning this has for you, he should have at least made an effort to change his behavior.

Have you put it to him that way - sitting him down, seriously, outside of the car, and saying "Look Dave, it REALLY bothers me that you text while driving. You know my mother died in a car accident, and I find it ignorant and disrespectful of my feelings that you continue to do so. This is approaching a deal-breaker issue for me" or have you just sort of said "hey, please don't do that" when you're in the car and he does. If you haven't tried the first approach yet, do so as a last attempt, and see what he does.

Yes, I've spoken to him many times about this issue. I usually have to grab his phone from him and either put it in the holder or put it in my purse. He doesn't necessarily text while driving. I think he's checking his emails at red lights or looking up an address so he can use the phone as GPS. I never actually asked him to have 2 hands on the wheel. This is just the way I drive.

Looking at a phone at red lights is very different than texting while driving. This behavior as you've described it wouldn't be a big deal to me.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely won't text while driving - ever - but I do occasionally have to answer the phone while driving, if it's a call I can't miss. and I do occasionally check text when I'm stopped at a light. I think these are normal behaviors.

If you're in the car with him, you should be the one doing whatever he needs with the phone. If I'm driving people around, the person in the front seat is the navigator. I'll have that person make any calls that need to be made or look up addresses.

[Anonymous]

He won't change. My husband has gotten worse about doing this and it drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Same here. Husband was a reckless driver who after years of major fights finally toned it down, but will still cause me heart attacks here and there.

The recklessness I saw in his driving the very first night I was in a car with him, I can now recognize, after a decade of being married, in many different places that were invisible over our dating and courtship years.

Examples: Lack of impulse control (finances and social / professional situations), "need for speed" turns into railroading me and hiding information to get his way faster; narcotics, etc. F'ing nightmare.

The best part of it was that what I saw of his speeding was NOTHING. It was enough to get my heart racing and think, "for the love of god, why do that?" It was a u-turn very aggressively across 4 lanes of traffic on Pennsylvania avenue late at night.

But it was a very isolated and easy to ignore in the face of other attributes. I figured he was showing off for me.

If you are scared in the car with him, ever, or more than once, just know that what you are experiencing in that moment is only the tiny tip of an iceberg.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Gender reversal here. My wife used to try to text while driving but I asked/told her to stop because it wasn't safe. She doesn't do it anymore.

This is not the kind of thing that goes in the "people don't change" column. That is for real personality traits. Texting while driving is just a bad habit. People can change their bad habits if they want to.