Cousin won't come to my wedding because it's a "sin"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't condone your lifestyle and she doesnt want to bear witness/support it by atrending your wedding.. Let it go and accept to agree to disagree.

I'm not OP. Lifestyle is an offensive term and has been for over a decade.

Not PP but seriously?.it is? Why?

From glaad.org

Offensive: "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle"
Preferred: "gay lives," "gay and lesbian lives"
There is no single lesbian, gay or bisexual lifestyle. Lesbians, gay men and bisexuals are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrase "gay lifestyle" is used to denigrate lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals suggesting that their orientation is a choice and therefore can and should be "cured" (See AP & New York Times Style).

Ugh there needs to be a learning annex to keep up with all this ever changing pc vocabulary.

+1 so sick of the word police

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't condone your lifestyle and she doesnt want to bear witness/support it by atrending your wedding.. Let it go and accept to agree to disagree.

I'm not OP. Lifestyle is an offensive term and has been for over a decade.

Not PP but seriously?.it is? Why?

From glaad.org

Offensive: "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle"
Preferred: "gay lives," "gay and lesbian lives"
There is no single lesbian, gay or bisexual lifestyle. Lesbians, gay men and bisexuals are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrase "gay lifestyle" is used to denigrate lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals suggesting that their orientation is a choice and therefore can and should be "cured" (See AP & New York Times Style).

Ugh there needs to be a learning annex to keep up with all this ever changing pc vocabulary.

+1 so sick of the word police

So sick of people that can't recognize when something is a shitty thing to say and get angry about it. People used to think it was cool to say wet back and nigger and faggot, too. Oh, those annoying word police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't condone your lifestyle and she doesnt want to bear witness/support it by atrending your wedding.. Let it go and accept to agree to disagree.

Egads! Can we stop calling being gay a "lifestyle"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't condone your lifestyle and she doesnt want to bear witness/support it by atrending your wedding.. Let it go and accept to agree to disagree.

Egads! Can we stop calling being gay a "lifestyle"?

Thank you. A lifestyle is something you choose, e.g., the jet set lifestyle" "the lifestyle of a crossfitter." I didn't choose to be a lesbian, and my "lifestyle" of going to work, raising 2 kids with my spouse, falling asleep on the couch because I'm exhausted, taking kids to soccer practice, etc isn't really a "lifestyle." It's pretty much the boring life that 98% of American families have.

[Anonymous]

We had this situation with some of my husband's family. They are Orthodox Jews (my husband's immediate family is Conservative not Orthodox) and I am not Jewish. A number of them wouldn't come to the wedding because they didn't want to be seen as endorsing a mixed marriage. We tried not to focus on it and not take it personlly. It really isn't about you, it's about them and their belief system and there is nothing you can do about it. I have also been excluded from a number of wedding/event invitations from his family members. Before we were married, DH would go without me. Now, he just declines the invitations. We don't send a gift, but we do still try to be pleasant at family events when we see them and, in their defense, they do the same.

My suggestion would be to not dwell on it. Everyone makes their own decisions and you will have a wonderful wedding and marriage. I think that my very happy marriage and my wonderful children are proof enough that we are on the right side of this situation. A life well lived is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the supportive replies!

I think I knew the answer all along. I will decline and keep my thoughts to myself. After all, I have so many family members who have been awesome & supportive.

You're right -- more cake for me!

Also, OP, send her a gift whether or not you go to hers. We all need to be the bigger person sometimes and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't make it family drama. If you do not feel comfortable attending her wedding, then decline and send a gift. It isn't about spite (is it?), but not wanting to attend an event where you feel disrespected. Is your fiancée invited?

Honestly, people in your family will know what's what. Don't gossip or bitch to other family members (many of whom will feel caught in the middle). Just concentrate on your own marriage.

Sorry this kind of crap is still happening. But you can't change everyone overnight.

No, do not send a gift.

I'm the PP. OP didn't want to stir up family drama. Sending a gift will support the idea that it's not a spiteful, just scheduling.

[Anonymous]

Normally I wouldn't support you not going just because she's not going to yours. But given her reasoning, you have every right to not give it a second thought. You don't need to celebrate someone who thinks their love is more real or important or valid than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I wouldn't support you not going just because she's not going to yours. But given her reasoning, you have every right to not give it a second thought. You don't need to celebrate someone who thinks their love is more real or important or valid than yours.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin is engaged and so am I. She is very conservative, religious, and is openly against same sex marriage.

I asked her if she would still attend my wedding to my partner. I am respecting her loving and committed relationship and I was hoping she could do the same for me. She said she could not attend because it goes against her beliefs.

What would you do? I don't want to create any family drama but going to her wedding when she refuses to go to mine makes me feel sick.

don't go to her wedding, don't press her to go to yours.

My brother did this to me. I divorced young (due to my first husband cheating on me with 11 women that I know of, having sex with a minor, and getting convicted for having sex with her). When I was remarrying my brother told me to my face that god does not allow divorce and that I would be committing adultry every day for the rest of my life, in god's eyes I was still married to husband 1, and he could not attend my wedding to my new husband because it was against his beliefs. I just let it go and we don't really speak much anymore.

You can't changes people's beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with her, completely.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with her, completely.

+1

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I wouldn't support you not going just because she's not going to yours. But given her reasoning, you have every right to not give it a second thought. You don't need to celebrate someone who thinks their love is more real or important or valid than yours.

It's not OP's "love" the cousin is disputing. It's the marriage. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I wouldn't support you not going just because she's not going to yours. But given her reasoning, you have every right to not give it a second thought. You don't need to celebrate someone who thinks their love is more real or important or valid than yours.

It's not OP's "love" the cousin is disputing. It's the marriage. Big difference.

this. But it's OP's choice to cut out her cousin just as it's her cousins choice not to attend the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I wouldn't support you not going just because she's not going to yours. But given her reasoning, you have every right to not give it a second thought. You don't need to celebrate someone who thinks their love is more real or important or valid than yours.

It's not OP's "love" the cousin is disputing. It's the marriage. Big difference.

No there isn't. The cousin is saying that her love is worthy of being sanctioned by God and the state, while the OP's isn't. Really, these people aren't Christians; that's a religion of love. People like the OP's cousin are about control, judgment, and exclusion. They feel superior by deciding that certain types of people are inferior.