Husband: no fun allowed without him, and fun allowable only on his schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO frustrated with spouse right now. Here's the scenario: long weekend. Two kids. I suggest we get out of town for some time away with kids and chance to enjoy being out of the city. He says I don't want to do suggestion A, B, or C; I want to stay in DC so I can go into the office over the long weekend. (He does not usually work weekends, so this is news to me.) I say okay, then I'm fine going somewhere with kids by myself. He counters with "but I never get to do anything with the kids and I don't want to miss out on the fun stuff!" Well, YOU DON'T WANT US TO DO ANY FUN STUFF. YOU WANT US ALL TO SIT HOME SO YOU CAN SPEND TIME IN THE OFFICE. I have no idea what the compromise position is here. The kids stay home and get to do nothing different than same old same old, so he doesn't miss out? There is no offer of going some other time; it's just "I don't want to, so no one should because then I might miss what I don't want to do anyway."

Help.

You sound really immature. Find out why he wants or needs to go into the office over the long weekend and make it clear that, if your family is going to arrange its schedule this long weekend to accommodate his, you want him to commit to fun family time outside of DC at specific dates this summer, preferably with him, but without him if necessary.

Can you read? Op said this is the only weekend all summer they don't have commitments in dc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO frustrated with spouse right now. Here's the scenario: long weekend. Two kids. I suggest we get out of town for some time away with kids and chance to enjoy being out of the city. He says I don't want to do suggestion A, B, or C; I want to stay in DC so I can go into the office over the long weekend. (He does not usually work weekends, so this is news to me.) I say okay, then I'm fine going somewhere with kids by myself. He counters with "but I never get to do anything with the kids and I don't want to miss out on the fun stuff!" Well, YOU DON'T WANT US TO DO ANY FUN STUFF. YOU WANT US ALL TO SIT HOME SO YOU CAN SPEND TIME IN THE OFFICE. I have no idea what the compromise position is here. The kids stay home and get to do nothing different than same old same old, so he doesn't miss out? There is no offer of going some other time; it's just "I don't want to, so no one should because then I might miss what I don't want to do anyway."

Help.

You sound really immature. Find out why he wants or needs to go into the office over the long weekend and make it clear that, if your family is going to arrange its schedule this long weekend to accommodate his, you want him to commit to fun family time outside of DC at specific dates this summer, preferably with him, but without him if necessary.

Can you read? Op said this is the only weekend all summer they don't have commitments in dc.

See, I'm not really buying this. If that's the case then they should scrap some of those commitments or need to plan better and earlier to accomodate family trips. Now if Op and DH had longstanding plans to go out of town this weekend and he just decided to upend those plans by saying he needs to work that would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you read? Op said this is the only weekend all summer they don't have commitments in dc.

So who made all of these commitments weeks in advance? If it was the OP then maybe she should change the thread to read, "fun only allowable on MY schedule."

A summer schedule that has zero free weekends is a serious case of over-commitment. And I'm not buying that any kids' sports take up EVERY weekend through the summer. No one would do that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Husband committed kid to every weekend sport obligation that runs all summer long. Every single weekend except this one.

I work full time and am equal breadwinner. Better benefits, even. My job is equally stressful.

Plans were not made in advance to go away. Plans to go into the office this weekend were announced only after I suggested we leave. He freaks out about how HARD it will be to go somewhere or do something. Reality is that I'm the one who does all the work to prepare, and he manages to pack his own clothes and that's about it. He just doesn't want to do anything that doesn't fit in to the narrative he had in mind.

Work is not the obstacle here. That could easily be worked around on either end of travel plans. He just doesn't want to go, therefore none of us should go, even if all other family members want to. Because then he'd miss out on what he doesn't want to do. Perfectly rational, right?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you just don't like your husband. Your contempt for him is palapable. Maybe the problem is larger than just vacation plans?

[Anonymous]

So OP, in your original post you complain that "there is no offer (from him) of going some other time," then in later posts suggest that there is no alternative time because every weekend of the summer (save this one when you want to go) is booked up.

I think you're adjusting the details as you go along in order to conform to the narrative that you've built and keep people on your side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, in your original post you complain that "there is no offer (from him) of going some other time," then in later posts suggest that there is no alternative time because every weekend of the summer (save this one when you want to go) is booked up.

I think you're adjusting the details as you go along in order to conform to the narrative that you've built and keep people on your side.

Or, you know, he's not offering to go any other time because he thinks the sport thing is more important?

[Anonymous]

So what summertime sport for kids is taking up every weekend of the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what summertime sport for kids is taking up every weekend of the summer?

My kid is swimming. First free weekend is Aug 15. One free weekend.

[Anonymous]

Compromise. 4-day weekend. Take 2 cars to someplace within 2-4 hours drive. OP and kids go for Fri-Mon. DH can opt when he joins them. He can either stay and work Friday then go up Friday night to meet them, or go up with them Friday and come home Sunday night to work on Monday. Then the family spends 2.5 days together, he gets a full day in the office on his schedule.

There are plenty of places to go for a long weekend. You may not have the optimal choice of hotels to stay in due to the holiday, but there are still deals and places to go even at this late date.

[Anonymous]

I agree, there is no compromise here.

It is his WAY or the highWAY to him.

Sheesh.

I find it odd that he suddenly needs to have access to his office on a weekend when he never has before.

Look into what this could mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He gets to do what he wants. You get to do what you want.
Don't debate this with him, OP. State the fact that you and the kids will do X, Y and Z this weekend while he is working. Period. If he's not happy with this arrangement, too bad.

x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what summertime sport for kids is taking up every weekend of the summer?

My kid is swimming. First free weekend is Aug 15. One free weekend.

And your kid couldn't possibly miss one swim meet on the weekend given how Op is making this seem so dire? Is this a travel league pre Olympic swim club or something that not even Sunday could be a family day for all, but just swimming??

Sounds like theres more to the story than op's perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, in your original post you complain that "there is no offer (from him) of going some other time," then in later posts suggest that there is no alternative time because every weekend of the summer (save this one when you want to go) is booked up.

I think you're adjusting the details as you go along in order to conform to the narrative that you've built and keep people on your side.

WTF, is she on trial here??? OP, I feel exactly the same way. Could have written your post. My DH works all the time and wants to stay home on weekends. He never plans anything and is negative when I do. It's a very frustrating position to be in. Yes, I always try to be understanding and compromise, but sometimes it would just be nice for him to a) plan something or b) be excited about what I've planned. Planning something together would be ideal, but it never happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband committed kid to every weekend sport obligation that runs all summer long. Every single weekend except this one.

I work full time and am equal breadwinner. Better benefits, even. My job is equally stressful.

Plans were not made in advance to go away. Plans to go into the office this weekend were announced only after I suggested we leave. He freaks out about how HARD it will be to go somewhere or do something. Reality is that I'm the one who does all the work to prepare, and he manages to pack his own clothes and that's about it. He just doesn't want to do anything that doesn't fit in to the narrative he had in mind.

Work is not the obstacle here. That could easily be worked around on either end of travel plans. He just doesn't want to go, therefore none of us should go, even if all other family members want to. Because then he'd miss out on what he doesn't want to do. Perfectly rational, right?

The kind of.nonsense some women want to break their marriage over never ceases to amaze me OP. It's not like he said he needs to go out and get drunk. He needs to get work done and you are making him feel like shit for it. You want to exclude him from the family. Tell you what--why not tell your husband to.take the kids out of town without you and you put in some overtime over the weekend to make up for whatever income he is concerned about losing? Or, you coukd just shut your trap, stop making your husband the bad guy, and find things to do around town this weekend. Were you planning on hitting the hotel bar after putting the kids to.sleep and getting fucked or something? Can't do that unless you go out of tiwn, can you? Or were you going to meet up with your affair partner using the trip with the kids as cover?