Dark Family Secret - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

We don't even know what this is about do we? Op has not said one way or the other. And, yes, since the alleged perpetrator is dead and any victims are likely dead or very old this would not be about restitution. This would be about clearing the air between people who are alive and love each other TODAY. Today matters too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

[Anonymous]

OP you have no absolute right know anything about any of this just as your decedents will have no absolute right to know everything about you long after you are dead. You may very well hurt your mother over something that may not even be true--do you know your grandmother was in sound mind or didn't have an ax to grind?

[Anonymous]

Maybe Op's mom can tell her daughter that grandma was in LaLa land towards the end or that she never even said anything like this to anyone. I would ask!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he was a Nazi, omg yes, tell me everything! What was that like? Why??

He raped a child? Nope. No thank you. Not interested.

So starving and gassing women and children isn't too horrible to know about?

NP
There were three actual nazis on my mother's side, plus other family that was supportive of it. One was an SS officer. I wanted to know everything I could about it and asked family and researched them.

I would not want to know about a child rapist, no.

[Anonymous]

Are the victims of this crime still around? If yes, I would ask. If not, I don't see the point in bringing it up just to satisfy your curiosity. Are there court records? Can you do research on your own without hurting your mother in the process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

We don't even know what this is about do we? Op has not said one way or the other. And, yes, since the alleged perpetrator is dead and any victims are likely dead or very old this would not be about restitution. This would be about clearing the air between people who are alive and love each other TODAY. Today matters too.

Clearing the air. The prior generation doesn't want or need air clearing. Op is the only person who wants her idle curiosity to take precedent over every else's piece of mind in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother's stepfather was a member of the KKK. Hard to think of something worse than that. I believe my mother. If you trust your mother to tell you the truth, ask her.

It gets much worse than that.

One of my grandfathers beat his wife and repeatedly raped his 14 year old son.

The other one shot a cop while burglarizing a liquor store in the 40s and ran to California and lived under an alias to avoid prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id ask. That's my personality. And my mum wouldn't be surprised I asked.

Nosy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

We don't even know what this is about do we? Op has not said one way or the other. And, yes, since the alleged perpetrator is dead and any victims are likely dead or very old this would not be about restitution. This would be about clearing the air between people who are alive and love each other TODAY. Today matters too.

Clearing the air. The prior generation doesn't want or need air clearing. Op is the only person who wants her idle curiosity to take precedent over every else's piece of mind in the family.

Maybe it bugs Op's piece of mind to be kept in the dark like she has been. It might be impacting Op's relationship with her mom in subtle but significant ways. If there is nothing to it - Op should know. If there is something to it - Op should know. Op and her mom are still alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the victims of this crime still around? If yes, I would ask. If not, I don't see the point in bringing it up just to satisfy your curiosity. Are there court records? Can you do research on your own without hurting your mother in the process?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly do you hope to accomplish, op? The "perpetrator" is dead. Unless some form of restitution can be exacted for living parties, you are stirring the pot for your own selfish curiosity.

Ask your mother because you love your mom and you want to know the truth about your family history. Using this as an opportunity to get some sort of restitution from an 80 something year old woman is just sad. But I don't think that is what Op is suggesting - At All.

OP has no "right. to know anything about dead family members. Unless the victim of said crime would be able to receive some from of restitution there is zero purpose in raising this issue at all--and most likely the "victim" is dead also. There is no purpose in raising this at all.

We don't even know what this is about do we? Op has not said one way or the other. And, yes, since the alleged perpetrator is dead and any victims are likely dead or very old this would not be about restitution. This would be about clearing the air between people who are alive and love each other TODAY. Today matters too.

Clearing the air. The prior generation doesn't want or need air clearing. Op is the only person who wants her idle curiosity to take precedent over every else's piece of mind in the family.

peace of mind? His family has been harboring a psychopath for years. Actually, lionizing him. I think OP has a right to dig into the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several years ago, my cousin told me that our mutual grandfather did something really horrible. She said our grandmother told her the story in detail before she died. We've never mentioned it again, primarily because we live across the country from each other and don't chat very often.

Neither of us ever knew this grandfather, as he had died before we were born. However, in my mind, he has always had a larger-than-life persona. My mother and all aunts/ uncles etc of her generation adored him. Even in death, he was known as a family patriarch whom "everyone" thought highly of.

My mother is now in her 80's. She's in great health, but obviously, my time to ask her about this is limited. I have a real curiosity about it and would like to know more, as I think it would fill in some missing details in our family story. But I don't want to upset her unnecessarily and a part of me just thinks I should let the secrets go to the grave, so to speak.

Would you bring this up with your elderly mother, in this situation?

Your mother is in great health. Ask her. If she gets upset and tells you that she won't discuss it, let it go.