How do we get out of this circular argument? Joint DH and DW post
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Anonymous
| Dont believe the DH, wife is annoying, for God's sake stop texting about important things. |
Anonymous
Yes, I truly think he was cheating. He says things like : she wasn't my type, I was just trying to develop business, I am just friendly, we were doing a lot of business together, I'm a talkative guy and talk with anyone who chats back, there's nothing wrong with having friends, she was much younger, she was dating other guys, guys have to be attracted to a woman to want to hit it.....you get the idea. |
Anonymous
| OP / it was just easier to copy text. This normally doesn't happen in text. |
Anonymous
He needs to admit it first. If he doesn't, I would be outta there. Why don't you leave? How can you get closure and move on when he keeps lying. |
Anonymous
| DH needs to admit to the affair before you can move on |
Anonymous
I only read 1/3 and my thought. He had an affair, lied, still lying. I do not care what the other partner did. Cheating and lying are not acceptable. Once a cheater, always a cheater. |
Anonymous
All of the above, plus spend A LOT of time together. Can he admit that he was having an emotional affair and that emotional affairs can destroy marriages. While I think saying that his lying and sneaking around was CAUSED by her actions is bullshit, I think she should get the son out of the house if he is a major source of stress (I say that assuming he is over 18, not disabled, etc.) You can make it work, but you both need to put your marriage first-and that is surprisingly hard for couples on the brink of divorce. |
Anonymous
| Is there anyone here who believes DH that it was not an affair? |
Anonymous
| I can't read that whole thing. DH, you had an emotional affair, if not a physical one too. Both of you, should not discuss this via text. Talk to each other. |
Anonymous
Doubt anyone believes him, |
Anonymous
| OP, I am so, so sorry - but no, I don't believe him. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you guys are saying a lot of vague and accusing things and having circular conversations. You need to get with a counselor so that you can be more specific and get to the bottom of the issue - the affair, the stepson, etc. |
Anonymous
| I guess I am the only one here that believes this is really a post by one spouse and not two. |
Anonymous
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DH: Dig deep and tell the whole truth. If you already did that, great. If you didn't, think really hard about how humiliating it is to DW to have you and the OW know what really happened while DW doesn't. Then, stop whining about how she's not accepting your apologies and she keeps calling you a pathetic loser. She's mad and humiliated and taking it out on you. Deal with it for a while. And, if your apologies aren't cutting it, think about how you can connect with what she values to show her you are sorry. For me, I value action and would much rather have my DH home every night, helping and engaged with the kids, engaged with me, pitching in w/o being asked, and all the other suck-up behavior you can think of, than have him say he's sorry and send flowers. Think about what DW would want.
DW: You have to decide if you're able to accept his story as the truth and if you can put it behind you. It doesn't have to happen immediately, but you have to be able to see a way to forgiveness eventually or it's not going to work. Then, stop calling him names. He's human and weak, just like all of us. Think about your wedding vows. You're both in this together and just because he messed up, you don't have carte blanche to treat him like dirt as revenge. The next mess-up could be yours. Figure out what he needs to do to earn back your trust, which could be something as simple as time, and go from there. FWIW I think it's possible this was the whole truth. I had a male friend crash on my couch a few times after we had been out together, while I was long-distance dating my now-DH and lied about it because I knew it would cause a fight (male friend was flirtatious, on top of it just looking bad). Really and truly, nothing happened between us. |
Anonymous
I agree. |