Reply to How do we get out of this circular argument? Joint DH and DW post

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[quote=Anonymous]DH: Dig deep and tell the whole truth. If you already did that, great. If you didn't, think really hard about how humiliating it is to DW to have you and the OW know what really happened while DW doesn't. Then, stop whining about how she's not accepting your apologies and she keeps calling you a pathetic loser. She's mad and humiliated and taking it out on you. Deal with it for a while. And, if your apologies aren't cutting it, think about how you can connect with what she values to show her you are sorry. For me, I value action and would much rather have my DH home every night, helping and engaged with the kids, engaged with me, pitching in w/o being asked, and all the other suck-up behavior you can think of, than have him say he's sorry and send flowers. Think about what DW would want.

DW: You have to decide if you're able to accept his story as the truth and if you can put it behind you. It doesn't have to happen immediately, but you have to be able to see a way to forgiveness eventually or it's not going to work. Then, stop calling him names. He's human and weak, just like all of us. Think about your wedding vows. You're both in this together and just because he messed up, you don't have carte blanche to treat him like dirt as revenge. The next mess-up could be yours. Figure out what he needs to do to earn back your trust, which could be something as simple as time, and go from there.

FWIW I think it's possible this was the whole truth. I had a male friend crash on my couch a few times after we had been out together, while I was long-distance dating my now-DH and lied about it because I knew it would cause a fight (male friend was flirtatious, on top of it just looking bad). Really and truly, nothing happened between us. [/quote]

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