How do we get out of this circular argument? Joint DH and DW post

[Anonymous]

OP - this same conversation happens in person. It was easier to copy and post from text. It was not meant to imply this only happens in text

[Anonymous]

Funny how everybody jumped on the guy. Are most posters here female? I'm a female too, but I'm more relaxed about this shit.

DH, why don't you just decide to leave? Nine years is a long time to be in each other's face, if you want someone else, just walk away. No young children. Do you have like a crapload of assets? Well, divide them, cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he cheated. But she is awful, so I sort of see why.

Just divorce.

I don't think she is awful. Look what he did. I would be much harder on my husband. He is pathetic and that's why she said that. I totally get it.

Yes, but what's the point of being "hard" on someone in this scenario? What does it accomplish? You either can live with it, and then you forgive and stop harping on him about it. Or you can't live with it and split. Anything else is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he cheated. But she is awful, so I sort of see why.

Just divorce.

I don't think she is awful. Look what he did. I would be much harder on my husband. He is pathetic and that's why she said that. I totally get it.

Yes, but what's the point of being "hard" on someone in this scenario? What does it accomplish? You either can live with it, and then you forgive and stop harping on him about it. Or you can't live with it and split. Anything else is insane.

I would be hard on him because of all the hurt. It probably doesn't accomplish anything. What did his sleepover accomplish?? Never mind...
I wouldn't just get over it whether that's rational or not. There is anger, hurt etc.

I have never had this happen but I can imagine it wouldn't go over well at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he cheated. But she is awful, so I sort of see why.

Just divorce.

I don't think she is awful. Look what he did. I would be much harder on my husband. He is pathetic and that's why she said that. I totally get it.

Yes, but what's the point of being "hard" on someone in this scenario? What does it accomplish? You either can live with it, and then you forgive and stop harping on him about it. Or you can't live with it and split. Anything else is insane.

+1 agreed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny how everybody jumped on the guy. Are most posters here female? I'm a female too, but I'm more relaxed about this shit.

DH, why don't you just decide to leave? Nine years is a long time to be in each other's face, if you want someone else, just walk away. No young children. Do you have like a crapload of assets? Well, divide them, cut your losses and move on.

More relaxed about cheating? Good, hope your husband knows that. I'm sure he will act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Did he cheat in the first marriage too? I wouldn't have married a guy with the baggage he has. Truth be told, your post shows me why.

[Anonymous]

OP do you believe he cheated? Truly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Stop texting

2. Actually talk to each other.

3. Find a marriage counselor and work it out there

+1.

[Anonymous]

Wait. Is this Richard and Emily?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he cheated. But she is awful, so I sort of see why.

Just divorce.

I don't think she is awful. Look what he did. I would be much harder on my husband. He is pathetic and that's why she said that. I totally get it.

Yes, but what's the point of being "hard" on someone in this scenario? What does it accomplish? You either can live with it, and then you forgive and stop harping on him about it. Or you can't live with it and split. Anything else is insane.

I would be hard on him because of all the hurt. It probably doesn't accomplish anything. What did his sleepover accomplish?? Never mind...
I wouldn't just get over it whether that's rational or not. There is anger, hurt etc.

I have never had this happen but I can imagine it wouldn't go over well at all.

I get the initial outburst, but going on and on and on like OPs shows lack of self-awareness in this context. Good counseling is probably in order, provided both are interested in staying in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how everybody jumped on the guy. Are most posters here female? I'm a female too, but I'm more relaxed about this shit.

DH, why don't you just decide to leave? Nine years is a long time to be in each other's face, if you want someone else, just walk away. No young children. Do you have like a crapload of assets? Well, divide them, cut your losses and move on.

More relaxed about cheating? Good, hope your husband knows that. I'm sure he will act accordingly.

Yup. Would love an open marriage, but punished by a pathologically faithful hubby. I for one would love a carte blanche!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that he cheated. But she is awful, so I sort of see why.

Just divorce.

I don't think she is awful. Look what he did. I would be much harder on my husband. He is pathetic and that's why she said that. I totally get it.

Yes, but what's the point of being "hard" on someone in this scenario? What does it accomplish? You either can live with it, and then you forgive and stop harping on him about it. Or you can't live with it and split. Anything else is insane.

I would be hard on him because of all the hurt. It probably doesn't accomplish anything. What did his sleepover accomplish?? Never mind...
I wouldn't just get over it whether that's rational or not. There is anger, hurt etc.

I have never had this happen but I can imagine it wouldn't go over well at all.

I get the initial outburst, but going on and on and on like OPs shows lack of self-awareness in this context. Good counseling is probably in order, provided both are interested in staying in the relationship.

I think the DH lacks the self awareness judging from the texts.

[Anonymous]

Well, first issue is whether DW really, truly believes there was no affair. I don't think she does, so until you're both on the same page about what went down, you won't get anywhere.

If/when DW feels that she knows everything and DH isn't lying anymore, she has a choice to make. Accept what sounds like a sincere apology and move on or end the marriage. But its not fair to either of you to keep dragging it out.

Counseling is likely a good idea, both to deal with this and the son/stepson issue. FWIW, DH, you seem awfully flippant about asking your wife to choose you over her kid and kick him out. Obviously we don't know the background, kid's age, etc. but do you realize and empathize with how difficult that would be for your wife?

[Anonymous]

Stop texting about this. Seriously. Talk to each other, hopefully with a counselor.