Tricky situation with a friend. Please advise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resigning for the simple reason that I feel I am not the right person. She needs someone who is less controlling.

Well, if you are set on doing this, I would probably tell her that. Your relationship will probably recover faster (assuming it ever does) if you fully accept that the problem is you, not her.

If you are determined to do this, I might say:

"I need to tell you something. I realized I made a terrible mistake in agreeing to be your maid of honor. While I love you deeply, I have come to realize that I am way too controlling about this wedding to be a good and supportive friend. I know how incredibly rude it is for me to pull out of being your maid of honor, but I feel like I will do even more lasting damage to our relationship if I remain in this role. I am very sorry. I hope that some day you can forgive me, but I understand if you cannot."

+1000 And then go get some therapy to deal with YOUR issues, not hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am resigning for the simple reason that I feel I am not the right person. She needs someone who is less controlling.

But it might help you a lot to work on being less controlling. So why don't you use this as an opportunity to practice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I do appreciate your input, my question was how to break the news that I am resigning from being her MOH without bruising her feelings.

Nothing. You don't need to do anything. She isn't even interested in planning the wedding so why should you be? Just stop mentioning it and she will either ask for your help or start mentioning it again. If she doesn't, then you have nothing to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resigning for the simple reason that I feel I am not the right person. She needs someone who is less controlling.

But it might help you a lot to work on being less controlling. So why don't you use this as an opportunity to practice?

PP you might also benefit from being less judgmental. . You have to understand there is a lot involved financially and timewise when it comes to destination weddings. You get better air ticket rates when you book a ticket a few months ahead, not to mention I would need to take time off. My biggest concern at this point is taking vacation time in September, buying non-refundable air tickets etc and then she ends up postponing the wedding. There are red flags everywhere. If there was no wedding I would take my vacation in June. Refundable tickets are too expensive so that is not an option at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resigning for the simple reason that I feel I am not the right person. She needs someone who is less controlling.

But it might help you a lot to work on being less controlling. So why don't you use this as an opportunity to practice?

PP you might also benefit from being less judgmental. . You have to understand there is a lot involved financially and timewise when it comes to destination weddings. You get better air ticket rates when you book a ticket a few months ahead, not to mention I would need to take time off. My biggest concern at this point is taking vacation time in September, buying non-refundable air tickets etc and then she ends up postponing the wedding. There are red flags everywhere. If there was no wedding I would take my vacation in June. Refundable tickets are too expensive so that is not an option at this point.

So the truth is that you don't think this wedding is going to happen so you don't want to waste your money and time. Tell her that. Saying that you are personally 'too controlling' to be her MOH sounds really strange and doesn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I initiated a conversation about plans for the big day such as the venue, her gown etc.
I asked her if she had bridal stores in mind that she wanted to try out
I asked her how the plans were coming along
I sent her a wedding planning check list along with a few gown shops suggestions
I redirected her like 50 times
I told her we needed to select and order her gown by the end of the week
I was paying for her gown for upto X amount.
I suggested she cuts the guest list by half to reduce the catering fees
I bet they don't know half of these people

it's making it very hard to feel useful.

OP, you sound more like her mother or her wedding planner than her friend. You want more than anything to be "useful" (controlling? in charge?) but that's not your job here. Back off on the wedding planning, and then be there next to her if and when she ends up getting married.