Spin-off from toddler at wedding thread: okay to request not to bring baby to wedding?
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Anonymous
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So is your husband's brother (this SIL is married to him right?) the only one of the 24 with a baby? i assume your fiancé would like his brother at the wedding of not IN the wedding. Are you willing to come into this family by excluding his brother so you can stick it to his wife? You know you are trying to do that.
We had no kids at our wedding (but ours was 150 people) so we provided a sitter because we wanted people to come. The kids had a blast and the parents did too. |
Anonymous
| Dont say anything to her now! As you plan you wedding, make it known that it is a small adult event. When the time comes you may have to tell her directly but wait until there is an actual baby to talk about. and do not say "prefer", she doesnt seem like she cares about your preference. Maybe if you have a brunch or other related events you can make the differentiation, "family brunch, children welcome" vs "adult ceremony and reception". if you are friends, get you dh's sister to help make sure sil gets the mssg. |
Anonymous
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Agree with pp, your whole post sounds vindictive and your goal is to stick it to your sil.
Yes, you can do what ever you want, it is your wedding. As a parent, I would have no issue with being invited to a 'no kids' wedding. I'd either get a sitter or not go. Your post makes you come off as immature and mean as you sil. |
Anonymous
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Why are you inviting them at all? Within 2 lines it's clear you don't like her.
Yes it is rude to say don't bring your newborn. |
Anonymous
| We were invited to a Wedding in Michigan that has a no kid reception. Relative has arranged sitter for hotel which is thirty minutes away from the reception. I am not going all the way to Michigan to leave my well behaved three year old in a hotel room with a stranger so we're not going. If you don't want the baby there you need to be ok with them not coming, which it sounds like you are. |
Anonymous
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Wait, are you saying that you are planning to tell her she can't bring the baby to the wedding before she has the baby and before you even send the invitations out?
It almost sounded like you were planning to saying "congratulations on the new baby, you know, the on you can't bring to my wedding". You can absolutely make it an adults only event and deal with whatever tantrum she she throws, including refusing to come, getting your MIL involved in the drama, or whatever, but you cannot do this until it gets much closer and the invitations are out. |
Anonymous
Yes because she stole her wedding thunder by announcing her pregnancy. I was taken aback by the OP who is holding a grudge for the bridesmaid thing. The bride didn't invite her soon to be BIL's girlfriend to be a bridesmaid. That is actually pretty normal-- people break up all the time so why have that person in your wedding? This poor family. The poor groom. If they make it to the wedding I give it 3 years until divorce. |
Anonymous
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You are being petty and vindictive. Clearly you are jealous of your SIL. The only child at my wedding was actually my own 6 week old child and all other guests got sitters even though they could have brought their children. For obvious reasons my child had to be there since all family was there. I have been told by some friends my child wasn't invited (although others were but due to space limitations my child was not invited because we were local and others weren't). It was fine, we went but had to leave early to pick up our child from the babysitter. I also recently took my 18 month toddler to a wedding (the horror, I let them stay up past their bed time). It was great since there were 25 kids there and the children had a great time and all the adults loved watching their grandchildren having great fun dancing.
It is your choice not to invite the child but you will forever be 'that' SIL that the family will talk about. The fact that it took another post on this board to give you the idea to do this means you are clearly doing it out of spite. Just remember that you marry into a family and they will be more than happy to exclude you (and therefore your husband) from future events if you purposely exclude one of them. |
Anonymous
| For goodness sake, when you send out invites, say adults only. Then be nice and provide a sitter at the venue. Done. |
Anonymous
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This is your niece or nephew right? Your brother's first child? How would you feel if he told you your children aren't welcome at a family event?
If you say the baby isn't welcome, you should be prepared for neither SIL or brother to attend either. You can't control everything. The baby might cry, might now. When you are related to them, babies crying isn't that irritating. Might as well be prepared to actually love this baby and want him/her around. You say SIL is a nightmare but you aren't exactly extending an olive branch. |
Anonymous
You can't pump for one night? |
Anonymous
adults only means that you don't bring the kid at all and you hire a baby sitter, not the bride. |
Anonymous
I wondered about that, too. Yes, it was petty of the SIL not to let her future BIL bring his long-term girlfriend with him to the rehearsal dinner, but maybe no one brought a date to the dinner. It's clear that the OP doesn't like the SIL, which is her prerogative--maybe the SIL isn't a very nice person--but letting dislike and a desire to get back at someone play any role in your wedding-related decisions indicates a major attitude problem. I've found that every decision I've made out of spite has not turned out well, and I'm pretty sure that goes double for wedding planning and babies. |
Anonymous
| 9:09 here--I'd add that there is nothing wrong with having an adults-only reception, especially if it's a small evening affair. But have it for the right reasons. |
Anonymous
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I agree that it's fine to make it adults-only, but that doesn't guarantee she will comply, and she still might make a scene. If you want a guarantee of no family drama, elope. Otherwise, put on a smile and prepare to deal with whatever happens.
We went to a small wedding out of town when my child was that age. The wedding couple gently mentioned that it was adults only, but they offered to hire a sitter (someone they could vouch for), so we took them up on the offer. Another guest did bring a baby, who in fact ended up crying loudly during the vows. The bride and groom took it all in stride (at least on the surface!) and the people who ended up looking bad were the parents of the crying child. If you do end up going adults-only, one kind thing would be to let them know what events might be baby-friendly. (Yes, it's your big day, but the baby will also be a family member, and those gathered might want to have time with him or her. Plus it's a hassle to have event after event where the parents would need a sitter.) So maybe you say the rehearsal dinner would be a great time to see the baby, or maybe a post-wedding brunch. The more welcoming you are, the better. (It doesn't guarantee that SIL will comply without incident, but then you know you did your best.) |