Playdates... so annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS: for the person who's judgy about playdates and "scheduling" bla bla bla.

Listen, there are some realities about people's lives that make scheduling playdates a really good idea.

1. Both parents work, commuting, before and after school programs, etc. Sometimes things have to be scheduled or they don't happen.

2. Young kids. They need to be taken to and from, therefore: a schedule. Older kids are less of an issue--they can get themselves to and from more easily and reliably.

3. Distance. Not everyone lives in a neighborhood densely populated with other kids, and even if they do, these kids are also often at before and after school care. Therefore, again: schedule or it won't happen.

The days of half-time working parents or SAH parents for the majority of elementary school aged kids are over. Nannies are expensive, so most kids go to daycare (even if "yours" don't). That is how things go for most people.

With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?

1. Activities may not be 6 days a week, then again they might--I didn't say either way. Any single person scheduling playdates or not is totally up to them. I could care less what other people do! I know our playdate time has dropped dramatically since I started working more-than-full-time again and my kids are in all-day programs.

2. Typically the regularly scheduled activities (e.g., before and after school care) don't include all the friend(s) the child wants to hang out with. Therefore, scheduling time for playing one on one will be necessary to get this to happen. Again, up to the parents if this is doable.

3. There are other benefits to scheduling playdates, including that the play time can be arranged to be convenient for you. Drop-by knocks on the door from neighbor kids might not be, which is not to say that knocks on the door are bad. I like them just fine. But sometimes the answer is, "Not right now. But maybe on Saturday morning? I'll call your mom/dad to set it up."

OP said they have activities 6 out of 7 days.

[Anonymous]

With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?

Because kids need to figure out how to hang out with a friend, think up activities to do, and resolve disagreements in a less structured environment where they are not being told what to do by an adult every second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I plan to give my child a sibling close in age. Built in playdates. Then they'll go to preschool/school and can play with other kids.

Not everything goes to plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS: for the person who's judgy about playdates and "scheduling" bla bla bla.

Listen, there are some realities about people's lives that make scheduling playdates a really good idea.

1. Both parents work, commuting, before and after school programs, etc. Sometimes things have to be scheduled or they don't happen.

2. Young kids. They need to be taken to and from, therefore: a schedule. Older kids are less of an issue--they can get themselves to and from more easily and reliably.

3. Distance. Not everyone lives in a neighborhood densely populated with other kids, and even if they do, these kids are also often at before and after school care. Therefore, again: schedule or it won't happen.

The days of half-time working parents or SAH parents for the majority of elementary school aged kids are over. Nannies are expensive, so most kids go to daycare (even if "yours" don't). That is how things go for most people.

With activities 6 days per week, why add play dates if they're stressful?

1. Activities may not be 6 days a week, then again they might--I didn't say either way. Any single person scheduling playdates or not is totally up to them. I could care less what other people do! I know our playdate time has dropped dramatically since I started working more-than-full-time again and my kids are in all-day programs.

2. Typically the regularly scheduled activities (e.g., before and after school care) don't include all the friend(s) the child wants to hang out with. Therefore, scheduling time for playing one on one will be necessary to get this to happen. Again, up to the parents if this is doable.

3. There are other benefits to scheduling playdates, including that the play time can be arranged to be convenient for you. Drop-by knocks on the door from neighbor kids might not be, which is not to say that knocks on the door are bad. I like them just fine. But sometimes the answer is, "Not right now. But maybe on Saturday morning? I'll call your mom/dad to set it up."

OP said they have activities 6 out of 7 days.

OK. Either way. Clearly it's something the OP values. I do, too... and would do a ton more of them if we didn't work so damn much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids and haven't had these issues (except for a parent being late to pick up, but shit happens sometimes). Maybe you are arranging playdates with the wrong people?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just need to vent...

Why are playdates so annoying? I feel like I'm always arranging playdates for my kids, but its rarely reciprocated. I don't want to hear "we're busy" because I'm busy, too. I work and my kids have activities 6 out of 7 days a week. We have a lot going on all of the time, but I manage to find pockets of time for playdates.

Then, I scheduled a playdate and specifically told the parent that they needed to pick at a 4pm because we had a violin lesson at 4:30. The playdate started at 1:30, so it was plenty of time for the kids to play. The parent shows up late. WTF... complete disregard for my schedule. And to top it off the playdate comes over at 1:30 and asks "what's for lunch." My DD says that she already ate lunch. She said she didn't eat lunch yet and her dad was going to "kill her if she didn't eat lunch here." We gave her a sandwich, but who sends a kid over to someone else's house at 1:30 without feeding them first?

And, on the flip, my DD goes to her friends house for a playdate which her mom scheduled from 11am to 2pm. I assumed they would feed my DD lunch, since that is the typical time for lunch. Nope. I should never assume anything. My DD came home cranky and starving. She had a popsicle in all of 3 hours. Next time I will surely ask if lunch will be offered otherwise I will need to pick up.

Its just all of these inconsiderate parents that make playdates so annoying!! I'm so sick of it. I will be taking a break from hosting playdates for awhile.

I don't even care that much that I am always hosting because at least I am monitoring what my kids are doing and who they are hanging out with. And I know where they are. But it would be nice for my kids to get invited sometimes, too.

So annoying!!!

Op I'd be more careful about the times you schedule play dates if your schedule is so inflexible and busy. I wouldn't schedule a parent to pick up at 4 if I had violin scheduled for 4:30. I'd offer to drop the child off or have the child picked up an hour early OR not schedule the play date for that day/time. I don't even schedule drop off and pick up times when I have play dates though, and we have kids over about 3 days a week during the school year and much more often in the summer. We both work, but we don't overschedule activities.

As for food and play dates, did it ever occur to you that the kid refused to eat or told the parent that you were serving lunch, and then told you a different story? I found out that my child told his friend that he wanted to eat lunch when he'd already been given lunch at home. And I've had children come to my house and want to eat. Thankfully none of the parents I know got annoyed about it and neither did I. Kids don't always give the most accurate details. I also never assume that my child will be fed on a play date, and I dont offer food unless I know the parents so I'm aware of allergies or if the parents have certain rules about what's allowed. So far, none of the friends have any allergies, so they can eat what they want when they are here, but it's rare that anybody asks for food, they are usually too busy playing.

It seems like you haven't found very many good parents yet to do play dates with, but they are out there. I haven't experienced what you have at all and all the parents I've dealt with have been very nice and great at reciprocating play dates. Good luck, I'm sure if you keep hosting play dates you will eventually find a few good families who will not take advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

[Anonymous]

I always expect to feed kids at my house- any time of day. I would expect our friends to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always expect to feed kids at my house- any time of day. I would expect our friends to do the same.

+1 I always give kids a snack when they are at our house, or lunch if it's the appropriate time. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.

I'm not the PP, but that's basically what we've done, and it's worked out fine so far. Oldest child is in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

Haha. Suuuuuure you won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.

I'm not the PP, but that's basically what we've done, and it's worked out fine so far. Oldest child is in middle school.

Same here. Got 3 kids, oldest is 8, never scheduled a playdate, everything is fine. It's not necessary at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just need to vent...

Why are playdates so annoying? I feel like I'm always arranging playdates for my kids, but its rarely reciprocated. I don't want to hear "we're busy" because I'm busy, too. I work and my kids have activities 6 out of 7 days a week. We have a lot going on all of the time, but I manage to find pockets of time for playdates.

Then, I scheduled a playdate and specifically told the parent that they needed to pick at a 4pm because we had a violin lesson at 4:30. The playdate started at 1:30, so it was plenty of time for the kids to play. The parent shows up late. WTF... complete disregard for my schedule. And to top it off the playdate comes over at 1:30 and asks "what's for lunch." My DD says that she already ate lunch. She said she didn't eat lunch yet and her dad was going to "kill her if she didn't eat lunch here." We gave her a sandwich, but who sends a kid over to someone else's house at 1:30 without feeding them first?

And, on the flip, my DD goes to her friends house for a playdate which her mom scheduled from 11am to 2pm. I assumed they would feed my DD lunch, since that is the typical time for lunch. Nope. I should never assume anything. My DD came home cranky and starving. She had a popsicle in all of 3 hours. Next time I will surely ask if lunch will be offered otherwise I will need to pick up.

Its just all of these inconsiderate parents that make playdates so annoying!! I'm so sick of it. I will be taking a break from hosting playdates for awhile.

I don't even care that much that I am always hosting because at least I am monitoring what my kids are doing and who they are hanging out with. And I know where they are. But it would be nice for my kids to get invited sometimes, too.

So annoying!!!

+10000

Mother of older elementary here. OP, in our house it was the neighbors that are annoying. Their parents are (for all intents and purposes) "free range" - at an age that is far too young. The parents had too many kids, more than they could handle, and keep trying for more. When I am home with my family, I am home with my family - NOT to watch your "bored" child that you are not interested in (and probably locked out of the house!)

What you described, and what I have experienced, is not the norm, as far a "real" friends. Real friends reciprocate, and accommodate. They don't expect you to host, drive, feed or provide activities all the time; it is no big deal for them to host. In sum, they are NOT lazy. It really is a wonder how some people tie their own shoes (the parents!) Did you say how old your children are? You will meet some nice, normal parents who are on the same page so to speak, along the way.

FWIW, I have noticed through the years that the lazy parents don't have children who are used to playdates and socializing. I'lll leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are stupid, and I will not be doing it for my child.

So you don't expect your kid to ever to spend time with their friends outside of school or other organized group activities like sports? Good luck with that.

I'm not the PP, but that's basically what we've done, and it's worked out fine so far. Oldest child is in middle school.

Same here. Got 3 kids, oldest is 8, never scheduled a playdate, everything is fine. It's not necessary at all.

Why? Is it too much effort for you? Don't you think your children are missing out? What is your background, curious?