Playdates... so annoying

[Anonymous]

I just need to vent...

Why are playdates so annoying? I feel like I'm always arranging playdates for my kids, but its rarely reciprocated. I don't want to hear "we're busy" because I'm busy, too. I work and my kids have activities 6 out of 7 days a week. We have a lot going on all of the time, but I manage to find pockets of time for playdates.

Then, I scheduled a playdate and specifically told the parent that they needed to pick at a 4pm because we had a violin lesson at 4:30. The playdate started at 1:30, so it was plenty of time for the kids to play. The parent shows up late. WTF... complete disregard for my schedule. And to top it off the playdate comes over at 1:30 and asks "what's for lunch." My DD says that she already ate lunch. She said she didn't eat lunch yet and her dad was going to "kill her if she didn't eat lunch here." We gave her a sandwich, but who sends a kid over to someone else's house at 1:30 without feeding them first?

And, on the flip, my DD goes to her friends house for a playdate which her mom scheduled from 11am to 2pm. I assumed they would feed my DD lunch, since that is the typical time for lunch. Nope. I should never assume anything. My DD came home cranky and starving. She had a popsicle in all of 3 hours. Next time I will surely ask if lunch will be offered otherwise I will need to pick up.

Its just all of these inconsiderate parents that make playdates so annoying!! I'm so sick of it. I will be taking a break from hosting playdates for awhile.

I don't even care that much that I am always hosting because at least I am monitoring what my kids are doing and who they are hanging out with. And I know where they are. But it would be nice for my kids to get invited sometimes, too.

So annoying!!!

[Anonymous]

Sounds very annoying.

- mother of infant dreading playdates

[Anonymous]

I have four kids and haven't had these issues (except for a parent being late to pick up, but shit happens sometimes). Maybe you are arranging playdates with the wrong people?

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't really understand why it was such a big deal to give the kid who came at 1:30 a sandwich, I would not have cared about that, but all of the rest of it does sound pretty inconsiderate and annoying.

[Anonymous]

That is bizarre. Never had these issues pop up, FWIW. Time to make sure you clarify everything before the playdate.

-Mom of elementary school twins.

[Anonymous]

Eh, some people host playdates when their kids are little and some host the weekend get togethers when their kids hit MS and HS. IME, they are different people. I rarely did playdates and I rarely have a Friday or Saturday night without half of the neighborhood at my house. And, trust me, feeding teenagers is far more expensive than feeding little kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like the solution to your problem is: fewer playdates.

[Anonymous]

My kid is still young, a preschooler, so all his playdates are only with people that I know well and am good friends with. I guess as the kids get older, they have playdates with classmates and you won't necessarily know those parents.

That said, I can't imagine ever being so rude as to expect my child to be fed at 1:30 or not feeding a child at lunchtime. I feel bad for those kids who have such clueless and rude parents.

[Anonymous]

Why don't your kids just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. Why do you have to set up playdates? That seems very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't your kids just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. Why do you have to set up playdates? That seems very strange.

Not all neighborhoods are teeming with kids. Our block is full of old people, childless couples, are families with older kids.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP, but my neighborhood is not conducive to just letting the kids out to play for a few reasons. The closest kids are a good 1/4 mile away in not good traffic considerations. We didn't let my oldest walk there until she was 8, and then we'd watch.

As for playdate drama, my now 10 year old doesn't have a ton of friends I think because I just didn't do playdates well. Sometimes, I'd set up the playdate and DH would be on pickup, but forget. Sometimes, I'd assume they'd be fed at the playdate, but they wouldn't. If a kid ever showed up at my house not having eaten, we'd feed them. It's easier when they get older, but when they are little and it's your first, it's hard.

One of my daughter's friends moms would set up a play date for her for what seemed like every waking hour. If we didn't respond to a request right away, she'd move on to the next kid. I swear this girl has a sleep over every weekend night and a playdate every afternoon. That wouldn't be me even if I had the time to spend planning my kids schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very annoying.

- mother of infant dreading playdates

exactly what i was going to say

[Anonymous]

Why don't your kids just go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. Why do you have to set up playdates? That seems very strange.

There are kids in our neighborhood, but mostly girls and kids 3-5 years younger than DS. He wants to play with some boys his own age.

[Anonymous]

You sound over-scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but my neighborhood is not conducive to just letting the kids out to play for a few reasons. The closest kids are a good 1/4 mile away in not good traffic considerations. We didn't let my oldest walk there until she was 8, and then we'd watch.

As for playdate drama, my now 10 year old doesn't have a ton of friends I think because I just didn't do playdates well. Sometimes, I'd set up the playdate and DH would be on pickup, but forget. Sometimes, I'd assume they'd be fed at the playdate, but they wouldn't. If a kid ever showed up at my house not having eaten, we'd feed them. It's easier when they get older, but when they are little and it's your first, it's hard.

One of my daughter's friends moms would set up a play date for her for what seemed like every waking hour. If we didn't respond to a request right away, she'd move on to the next kid. I swear this girl has a sleep over every weekend night and a playdate every afternoon. That wouldn't be me even if I had the time to spend planning my kids schedule.

Parents need to step the F back and let these kids be kids. This structuring playdates is total helicoptering. I would hate to be a kid that had to have planned friend dates.