How to Tell the Good Kids from Bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My troll alert just went to Defcon 5.

Truly. This OP has got to be Jeff, sockpuppeting to generate clicks on a Friday afternoon....right?

[Anonymous]

I give my child an application to hand to the other child, so their parent can fill it out and return it. They need to provide a notarized certification that there are no guns or drugs in the home, that any fighting will wait until my child leaves, no cursing will occur in my child's ear shot, etc. They have to list each adult who will be present when my child is there.

Once we approve the application, we set a play date. Before the playdate we sent a form letting the other parent know of any allergies or strong dislikes, our preference for organic snacks (we are willing to provide snacks for our child to bring - we understand there are financial hardships) and no tv.

I then call or text every half hour to check in and make sure DC doesn't need me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids aren't influenced by peers in a serious way till age 8 (used to be later) so relax. My kid loves the bad kids (who btw, are as likely to be high ses white kids at his very racially and economically diverse school). These kids talk back to the teacher and are taken out of the room, and he is enthralled by them. If he likes a kid, we invite him over for a playdate. He never goes beyond the most facile imitation and himself behaves well in school, so what do I care. We have years before we have to worry about peer influence. There are studies that show when peers start to have as much or more influence over a kid's world view.



I do think this is a troll post btw.

OP here- and not a troll. Thank you for being the only one to thoughtfully answer my post.

OP, others were quite thoughtful in their responses to you as well. Hopefully you will put some thought into your assumptions about children being "bad" and that children from low SES homes are automatically exposed to violence and bad behavior or that only white families are concerned about their children's well being.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in a Title I school. They are in kindergarten and they haven't come home with any behaviors that concern me. Mostly, it's the parroting of slang. I just correct them and say we don't speak that way.

Emphasize what is good and gently correct what isn't appropriate. It's not that hard.

Oh, and btw, bad shit happens in those all-white, Richie Rich schools too. Don't be an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - also, their devil horns start to bud at about 5. Check the scalp.

But watch out for lice. The poors are dirty, you know. (And highly contagious.)

Seriously? This was a well-thought out, well-executed troll attempt, but ultimately, you reached a little too far, OP. I think if you had deleted the word "deprivation" you might have caught more posters in your trap. That just put it too far over the edge. Score: 7.5/10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite.

We are in a similar situation. We tell our DC that they will come across all different behavior and beliefs, in our house we do/do not x,y, and z. When we see him start to repeat negative behavior we immediately say that is absolutely NOT ok for you to do, even if it's in front of a friend. If his response is that Frank is aloud to do it then I say I am not Franks mom. If the friend is over and behaving badly I just tell the kid, Please stop - that is not ok at this house. That has happened quite a few times.

We are in a private school and there is more questionable behavior there than there is around our neighborhood.

Then how come you're paying for the privilege to be at this school? Save some time and $$ and enroll them in your neighborhood school.

[Anonymous]

I sort of understood what OP was saying until she got to the "white" part. Was confused what race had to do with it. That said, I have a lot more AA friends who seem much more concerned with their kids ending up with the wrong crowd (and say so) than white friends. The way they deal with it is no playdates.

I live in Petworth and wonder why people choose to live there if they are concerned about these things

[Anonymous]

OP's concern is a valid one.

OP, I don't know how old your kids are, but if they're young enough, you'll get to know the families through playdates. Get to know the parents yourself. I never allowed my child to sleep over at the home of parents I hadn't met. I also had his friends over a lot and got to meet their parents.

More importantly, I had many, many conversations with my child about the fact that there are some bad kids and that those are the people he needed to stay away from. He avoided them like the plaque.

[Anonymous]

OP, they're in preschool. If you're going to have playdates, the other parents will be there too for you too meet and judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite.

We are in a similar situation. We tell our DC that they will come across all different behavior and beliefs, in our house we do/do not x,y, and z. When we see him start to repeat negative behavior we immediately say that is absolutely NOT ok for you to do, even if it's in front of a friend. If his response is that Frank is aloud to do it then I say I am not Franks mom. If the friend is over and behaving badly I just tell the kid, Please stop - that is not ok at this house. That has happened quite a few times.

We are in a private school and there is more questionable behavior there than there is around our neighborhood.

Then how come you're paying for the privilege to be at this school? Save some time and $$ and enroll them in your neighborhood school.

The education at our public is terrible. I have researched the hell out of it. That's why. Trust me, I would love to save the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High SES folks don't live in Petworth.

+1, but who are the folks buying $700k+ homes in that crime ridden neighborhood?

if you can afford it by yourself, maybe then. Still, high SES don't purchase houses in transitional neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and other just move the hell out of DC, like seriously!

Not sure what you are referring to- but people like OP are buying up DC. Get used to people living here who have higher standards and won't put up with what DC once was.

Oh please, they can be who they want when they want. OP made the decision to live around ppl like that. It's her fault for subjecting her child to such surroundings.

Yeah, OP should move her kids to Arlington. She won't have to worry about her preschoolers playing with any "bad" kids who have violence in their homes. Oh wait:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/464609.page

Damnit you beat me too it!

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope for your sake that you are a troll and not so incredibly clueless.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Please stay away from the local parks. I'd hate for my children to come across you or your child. Most of the children I know in this neighborhood, regardless of SES, are wonderful. Unless you're going private for elementary, you better get used to your kid being around brown people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe people are giving the OP such a hard time. Could be a troll but it's a valid discussion point.

Not that I believe a kid can be "bad"- but you can tell the rough ones that you probably want to keep your children away from.

Look out for the frequent or even constant use of swear words, lack of manners, lack of empathy and violent outbursts.

Worth note - that there are plenty of higher SES kids who act this way.

I would counter that there are plenty of white middle class, both upper and lower, that behave this way.