DD roleplays with a mommy and daddy even though she has 2 moms

[Anonymous]

OP, she is not "being told" something at daycare.
Maybe she is "being told" something by society.
And all your hopeful thinking in the world is not going to change this.

Did you not think if would be (might be) difficult for her?
Here-you-go!

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of bigoted assholes.

OP, I would look for a meet up group, Unitarian Universalist church, or Rainbow Families meeting so you guys can meet other two mom / two dad families. Because it can feel kind of isolating. You're doing a great job as a parent.

One of our elderly neighbors recently asked me very sweetly how DS and my partner were doing, just a nice reminder that not everyone is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I used to teach a kindergarten class....and a girl who had a mommy & daddy (in their late 30's, and married...) loved to act out "teen mom" in the dress up corner =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, your daughter is normal. Literally every child on earth has a biological mother and a biological father, even your daughter. That is how babies are made. It is normal and healthy for kids to understand that and playact it.

You can raise her to be accepting of her circumstances, and those of other kids who are missing one or both of their biological parents. You can raise her to love and appreciate her adoptive parent or parents. But the fact that you are are a grown adult trying to brainwash her into believing she actually HAS "two moms" and that having "two moms" is a normal and natural thing is more likely to confuse the hell out of her than playing house with Ken and Barbie.

Yep. She is normal! Let her be

[Anonymous]

OP here: Its funny how hateful some people can be when everything is anonymous.

We dont belong to rainbow families but I will look into it. We belong to a LGBT parents group on meetup, They are not super active but do do a few activities/outings throughout the year, not much over the last few ( cold) months though.

Thank you to the supportive PP's.

[Anonymous]

My 2 1/2 yo DS role plays that he has a sister even though he only has brothers. That's not to diminish your concerns, but your child probably has seen other kids role play with a mom and a dad.

[Anonymous]

OP just let her play the way she wants to; don't try to pound a square peg into a round hole. I had this done to me as an adoptee, and trust me it doesn't end well when APs do this.

[Anonymous]

It's normal. Mommy and daddy is the norm, and it's easier to fit people into roleplay "genres" (Daddy goes to work, Mommy tucks you in, even though that's not remotely accurate it's how kids find playing "fun"). My DD has two mommies as well and at some point, maybe age 4, she decided from now on all her dolls have two mommies and a daddy, to compromise. So we've progressed to polygamy.

[Anonymous]

We're a heterosexual married couple and my preschool aged daughter has all sorts of variations on "family" in her play that don't match our family situation. Sometimes only mom, or only dad, or two moms, or extra siblings, or fewer siblings, or mom and dad died and now they live with a bunny, the list goes on. It's just creative play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it's very natural for kids to use play as a way to explore things that are unfamiliar or new to them. Young kids play with very familiar themes, mommy and baby for example, because that's what they're developmentally ready for, but as they get a little older they try out new roles. She's probably just beginning to notice that some kids have a mommy and a daddy and she wants to know what's different and what's the same about that compared to her experience, so she role plays it as a way to test it out and likely discovers that it's mostly the same. That pretending to be a daddy rocking the baby doll, or a daddy reading a story to stuffed dinosaur is a whole lot like pretending to be a mommy doing those things. She'll probably also try on other family roles that she doesn't experience in real life. If she's your only, she might decide to play 'big sister" or "little sister", for example. Once she's figured this out and made sense of it, she'll move on to things that are even more outside her experience, first things like being a server in a restaurant, or a cashier in a store, or a fireman or a pilot (all very common 3 - 4 year old play themes), and then to the fantasy themes of later childhood.

It's totally normal, and doesn't mean that she's rejecting her family as it is, just that she's learning to relate her experience to the experiences of her friends.

I think this is a great response and is probably right on the mark.

(FWIW, my toddler and preschool-age daughters often role play that they are two mommies and have a baby, or make their dolls be two mommies...I am a woman married to a man. I can see how it is a more insecure position to actually be the two mommies who want their child to feel comfortable with her situation, and I can see that I would be concerned in your position, but just know that it's very likely your family has given other kids in your child's preschool the opportunity to expand their imagination and play, too, and they might even be making their own dads feel like crap by constantly talking about how lucky your child is to have TWO mommies. :wink

[Anonymous]

I think this sounds like creative play but also think you could ask the teachers what they think if you are comfortable doing so. My DD (similar age) learned the word "parent" this week and asked "who are my parents?" After telling her that parents are someone's mommy and daddy, I then corrected myself and told her HER parents are her mommy and daddy, but other families look different and a parent is the living adult or adults who take care if you. I suspect there are others out there like me who miss the learning opportunities when trying to keep things simple and then they all reinforce those lessons among their friends.

[Anonymous]

I responded earlier, but another take on this. We are 2 dad family with little girls. Obviously their family has a mommy in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom of a daughter and not only did she call a random man in the children's section of the library Daddy, she creates two-parent households in her play.

It means nothing.

Another single mom here. My 2.5 year old does the same thing with role playing. Not concerned.

[Anonymous]

My DS was one who had a close friend at age 3 with two mommies, and he thought she was the luckiest kid in the world. He was always a 'mommy' himself, which was obvious he said, because he breastfed his baby doll. It's all creative play, as a PP said. Best to you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Gee, maybe there is something instinctive/primal about recognizing that having a mother and father is natural, since a child does actually come from a man and woman? some of the responses on here seem completely divorced from basic reality/biology.