DD roleplays with a mommy and daddy even though she has 2 moms

[Anonymous]

DD is 2.5 and goes to daycare part time.
She has a dolls house and baby dolls, stuffed animals etc. When she plays with them there is very often a mommy and daddy. Even when the dolls are obviously male, like Ken dolls for example she will say Mommy and Daddy. This morning I saw the 2 Kens under a tea towel with some other toys and I said " oh are the 2 daddies sleeping" and she said said ' no, not to daddies, mommy and daddy"
Although daycare is very open to us and her ( she is also adopted and different race) she is the only one there that I am aware of with 2 Moms.
She only goes part time too.

Should I be concerned she is being told families are moms and dads or is this totally normal because she hears other kids saying it?
Has anyone elses kids done this?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand -- do you think someone at the daycare is telling her that there can be only mommies and daddies? Honestly, our culture is so heterosexual, that she is getting the mommy/daddy message everywhere she looks, I doubt it is coming from the daycare, unless you have some reason to believe so.

Do you have books at home with gay parents? Is she socializing with other 2 mommy or 2 daddy families? Do you point out other ways in which families are different (single mom, single dad, divorced w/ 2 moms and a dad, etc.)

I haven't had the exact same problem, since I'm straight, but I did see my young daughter imitating very traditional gender roles, which I had been trying to avoid in our house. My feminist message definitely didn't match what she was exposed to once she was in preK, K and up.

But, don't worry, you have more influence than the culture in the end.... she will come to understand the variety in family if you keep presenting it and talking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand -- do you think someone at the daycare is telling her that there can be only mommies and daddies? Honestly, our culture is so heterosexual, that she is getting the mommy/daddy message everywhere she looks, I doubt it is coming from the daycare, unless you have some reason to believe so.

Do you have books at home with gay parents? Is she socializing with other 2 mommy or 2 daddy families? Do you point out other ways in which families are different (single mom, single dad, divorced w/ 2 moms and a dad, etc.)

I haven't had the exact same problem, since I'm straight, but I did see my young daughter imitating very traditional gender roles, which I had been trying to avoid in our house. My feminist message definitely didn't match what she was exposed to once she was in preK, K and up.

But, don't worry, you have more influence than the culture in the end.... she will come to understand the variety in family if you keep presenting it and talking about it.

This.

[Anonymous]

My friend's daughter now almost two has started calling her other mommy (the birth mother's wife) "Daddy." She has never been in day care, never watched TV socializes with families of every possible configuration, and has never been guided in what to call her other mother. She came up with "Daddy" entirely on her own.

That said, I think to her "Daddy" simply means "loving parent" not "loving parent with a penis."

[Anonymous]

Let it go, let it go...! She's only 2 1/2, please don't make this into something...

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom of a daughter and not only did she call a random man in the children's section of the library Daddy, she creates two-parent households in her play.

It means nothing.

[Anonymous]

You are going to run into this issue. Now, later, and forever. You need to be ready to deal with it in the appropriate way. And no, blaming the daycare is not the appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Heteronormativity at its finest. Probably easier said than done, but I'd try not to fret. Continue doing what you're dojng, exposing her to all sorts of families. Ultimately, the majority of families she sees will have a mommy and a daddy, but that doesn't mean she's internalizing the message that that's the only 'right' kind of family. Like a PP said, your open mindedness will influence her the most in the end.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry. Ours does the same with zero distress. He just knows that most families aren't lucky enough to have a Mama as well as a Mommy!

[Anonymous]

She could also be playing "hetero family" because it's novel to her and she has a wonderful imagination.m

If she doesn't regularly have a male adult in her life, it's probably interesting to explore and play that. I never had a horse, and used to either pretend I was a horse or that I had one (often played by my brother). I knew I wasn't a horse, nor was he... It was just playing.

We often forget how fluid and accepting children are of novel things, if we permit them to be. The fact is: having two mommies is totally normal for your daughter. She likely thinks having a daddy is something fun and cool and incorporates that into her play.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone I will stop worrying about it. I wasnt so much blaming the daycare as thinking thats the only place she must be getting those ideas from.
I especially like what the immediate PP said.
We do have lots of books about different families, 2 mommies etc and keep them in our rotation.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, we're a two mom family, but we haven't ruin into this because our DS doesn't really do family pretend play. Somehow he has influenced a younger kid in our very small in home daycare to call her mom and dad both mom. Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa and Me are both cute books if you are looking for things that reflect queer families.

[Anonymous]

You have to understand, OP, that only like 2 percent of the population is gay. Fewer of those are partnered, and fewer of those unions include children.

It's probably something she's absorbing culturally -- the typical family unit is mommy, daddy, after all. It's probably in books she's read, TV she's seen, hell, being anywhere she sees other families (the park, etc.). I seriously doubt a caregiver is telling her there's something wrong with her family structure.

I mean, little black girls play with Barbies, for Pete's sake. The zeitgeist in this country still prizes white, heterosexual family units.

[Anonymous]

OP, PP 830 here. I just re-read your post, and I don't want to seem like I'm making assumptions about your life. I've just encounters something in my own life I'd like to share.

I have two very close friends who are a gay male couple. They are probably the most competent parents I've ever seen - their house is as warm, loving, and stable as any one could imagine. But - as their kids grew up, there was some tension that kind of occurred as their kids adopted more traditional family desires and heterosexuality for themselves. It actually almost reached a crisis point, as one of my friends honestly felt that the fact their child was being more "traditional" was a rejection of their family values.

Just like you did, your daughter will follow her own path to create her own vision of family, and explore her own sexuality. And just like (hopefully) your friends and loved ones did, you will have to embrace and accept her choices. It's easy to say you'll accept them no matter what, until the emotional side takes over.

Your daughter playing is not a rejection of your relationship or family. It's just mirroring what she otherwise exposed to, or exploring something novel. It also speaks well that you HAVE exposed her to different family types other than yours. Try not to be distressed. She knows who her family is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone I will stop worrying about it. I wasnt so much blaming the daycare as thinking thats the only place she must be getting those ideas from.
I especially like what the immediate PP said.
We do have lots of books about different families, 2 mommies etc and keep them in our rotation.

Do you do a lot of family outings? At places where there are other families? She's probably noticed there that most families have fathers. That's a more likely explanation for how she gets the idea.