DD roleplays with a mommy and daddy even though she has 2 moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, we're a two mom family, but we haven't ruin into this because our DS doesn't really do family pretend play. Somehow he has influenced a younger kid in our very small in home daycare to call her mom and dad both mom. Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa and Me are both cute books if you are looking for things that reflect queer families.

This probably why. Neither of boys ever did. Well, until we moved next door to 4 girls, and across the street from 3. Then my younger one started to, along with the girls. I know that's slightly off topic, but I think that it's a stronger tendency with girls to engage in that sort of play.

As for the mom & dad vs mom & mom, that is an unfortunate reality of being part of a minority. All you can really do is try to find other families similar to your own, and follow some of PPs advice. We've had similar challenges as part of a minority group when our kids were young. Just keep going and try not to worry too much--overemphasis sometimes has the reverse impact. Be matter of fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone I will stop worrying about it. I wasnt so much blaming the daycare as thinking thats the only place she must be getting those ideas from.
I especially like what the immediate PP said.
We do have lots of books about different families, 2 mommies etc and keep them in our rotation.

I have adopted kids with my wife (two moms, bi-racial family). I think you are worrying way too much about this. I can't imagine that daycare is the only place she sees opposite sex families - doesn't she have grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors? Hasn't she been out to Starbucks, the grocery store, museums and restaurants? Families with two opposite sex parents are everywhere.

As far as books, yes it's important to realize that you need your daughter to feel good and secure about your family situation, but you seem really overly worried about it. That being said, books are good. Other things include giving her a diverse environment - you can choose schools that are diverse, a community that is accepting, activities that promote her heritage, etc. I've found that getting involved in our community is important as well. Maybe you want to hear how others handle this issue - you could start another thread on it.

[Anonymous]

Our daughters do the same thing (age 4). I wouldn't worry about it. Their pretend families can have as many as 100 mommies, 100 daddies and 100 children, all age 0-4. We often joke about various nursery rhymes when I switch the genders to match our family. It doesn't mean anything, other than their imaginations are active and that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand -- do you think someone at the daycare is telling her that there can be only mommies and daddies? Honestly, our culture is so heterosexual, that she is getting the mommy/daddy message everywhere she looks, I doubt it is coming from the daycare, unless you have some reason to believe so.

Do you have books at home with gay parents? Is she socializing with other 2 mommy or 2 daddy families? Do you point out other ways in which families are different (single mom, single dad, divorced w/ 2 moms and a dad, etc.)

I haven't had the exact same problem, since I'm straight, but I did see my young daughter imitating very traditional gender roles, which I had been trying to avoid in our house. My feminist message definitely didn't match what she was exposed to once she was in preK, K and up.

But, don't worry, you have more influence than the culture in the end.... she will come to understand the variety in family if you keep presenting it and talking about it.

This.

My daughter is 4 and her bff at chocolate has two mommies. They often play a version of family that includes two mommies.

[Anonymous]

It will probably change as she gets older. She may be role playing the way other kids are role playing. My daughter used to only make families like hers - mom, dad, sister, brother (her dad and I are both bisexual but that was way beyond her scope of understanding at the time.) As she got older, she started creating different pretend families, frequently with things like 3 mommies and a daddy, etc.

I also agree it may be a novelty and she may be just exploring it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your daughter is straight and is playing house the way SHE thinks it's right. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Around two our daughter (two mom family) called every man she knew daddy and daddy showed up in pretend play a lot too. She grew out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your daughter is straight and is playing house the way SHE thinks it's right. Nothing wrong with that.

And maybe you're an asshole. Shoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom of a daughter and not only did she call a random man in the children's section of the library Daddy, she creates two-parent households in her play.

It means nothing.

Yet, sad. You do realize that you are in the minority?

[Anonymous]

I think that it's very natural for kids to use play as a way to explore things that are unfamiliar or new to them. Young kids play with very familiar themes, mommy and baby for example, because that's what they're developmentally ready for, but as they get a little older they try out new roles. She's probably just beginning to notice that some kids have a mommy and a daddy and she wants to know what's different and what's the same about that compared to her experience, so she role plays it as a way to test it out and likely discovers that it's mostly the same. That pretending to be a daddy rocking the baby doll, or a daddy reading a story to stuffed dinosaur is a whole lot like pretending to be a mommy doing those things. She'll probably also try on other family roles that she doesn't experience in real life. If she's your only, she might decide to play 'big sister" or "little sister", for example. Once she's figured this out and made sense of it, she'll move on to things that are even more outside her experience, first things like being a server in a restaurant, or a cashier in a store, or a fireman or a pilot (all very common 3 - 4 year old play themes), and then to the fantasy themes of later childhood.

It's totally normal, and doesn't mean that she's rejecting her family as it is, just that she's learning to relate her experience to the experiences of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom of a daughter and not only did she call a random man in the children's section of the library Daddy, she creates two-parent households in her play.

It means nothing.

Yet, sad. You do realize that you are in the minority?

WTF kind of response is this?

[Anonymous]

Congratulations, your daughter is normal. Literally every child on earth has a biological mother and a biological father, even your daughter. That is how babies are made. It is normal and healthy for kids to understand that and playact it.

You can raise her to be accepting of her circumstances, and those of other kids who are missing one or both of their biological parents. You can raise her to love and appreciate her adoptive parent or parents. But the fact that you are are a grown adult trying to brainwash her into believing she actually HAS "two moms" and that having "two moms" is a normal and natural thing is more likely to confuse the hell out of her than playing house with Ken and Barbie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, your daughter is normal. Literally every child on earth has a biological mother and a biological father, even your daughter. That is how babies are made. It is normal and healthy for kids to understand that and playact it.

You can raise her to be accepting of her circumstances, and those of other kids who are missing one or both of their biological parents. You can raise her to love and appreciate her adoptive parent or parents. But the fact that you are are a grown adult trying to brainwash her into believing she actually HAS "two moms" and that having "two moms" is a normal and natural thing is more likely to confuse the hell out of her than playing house with Ken and Barbie.

OP: I wish this board weren't full of hateful trolls like the one above.

If you haven't already done so, I'd seek out real-life people for support and advice on the question. (I'd have a rough time, in your shoes, sifting out the supportive and helpful ones amid the pissing-on-strangers posts above.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 2.5 and goes to daycare part time.
She has a dolls house and baby dolls, stuffed animals etc. When she plays with them there is very often a mommy and daddy. Even when the dolls are obviously male, like Ken dolls for example she will say Mommy and Daddy. This morning I saw the 2 Kens under a tea towel with some other toys and I said " oh are the 2 daddies sleeping" and she said said ' no, not to daddies, mommy and daddy"
Although daycare is very open to us and her ( she is also adopted and different race) she is the only one there that I am aware of with 2 Moms.
She only goes part time too.

Should I be concerned she is being told families are moms and dads or is this totally normal because she hears other kids saying it?
Has anyone elses kids done this?

This kid is going to be so screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 2.5 and goes to daycare part time.
She has a dolls house and baby dolls, stuffed animals etc. When she plays with them there is very often a mommy and daddy. Even when the dolls are obviously male, like Ken dolls for example she will say Mommy and Daddy. This morning I saw the 2 Kens under a tea towel with some other toys and I said " oh are the 2 daddies sleeping" and she said said ' no, not to daddies, mommy and daddy"
Although daycare is very open to us and her ( she is also adopted and different race) she is the only one there that I am aware of with 2 Moms.
She only goes part time too.

Should I be concerned she is being told families are moms and dads or is this totally normal because she hears other kids saying it?
Has anyone elses kids done this?

This kid is going to be so screwed up.

Nope. If there are troubles, it's only because the ignorance around her.

In my own experience, kids in families with same-sex parents tend to be wonderfully well cared-for and adjusted, simply because their parents needed to plan to have them.

Your kid is going to be fine, OP. Are you part of Rainbow Families or another supportive organization?