Why is separation/divorce so awful? I am a wreck and don't know where to turn...
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Anonymous
| Agree with PP. the best revenge is living well. So... Get thee in the gym and start lifting and become tone and strong. Go to,thrift stores and fix up your apartment and wardrobe into a super personalized version of yourself. Enjoy those weekends free and do some mini trips to visit friends, family, explore, try new restaurants, etc. Get into a new hobby deeply...write a book, sell a photograph, enter a pie baking contest, run a marathon... Set a big goal: lose 30 pounds, go on a cruise, buy a beach house. Hugs. |
Anonymous
| Why are people talking about revenge? I was sad when my marriage ended but wasn't looking to get even. We were both disappointed and in some way, hoped that each of us would eventually do well in all aspects of their life. |
Anonymous
| I agree that it is a horrible experience. People don't get it until they go through it. |
Anonymous
| Things could be worse. You could be divorcing and pregnant and screaming inside FML. |
Anonymous
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Make a cool home. Stand up straight, hold your shoulders back. Get in shape. Read the bible.
You are somebody. |
Anonymous
Why read the bible? I don't get it. Confused... Might as well say read Moby Dick. |
Anonymous
Because it plugs you in to power and security. |
Anonymous
Hi satan! 
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Anonymous
say what? As a woman the bible plugs you into power and security? Women are pretty useless in the bible without a man. |
Anonymous
The PP just made a suggestion. Please let's not turn this into a religion bashing nor a 'save their souls' thread. |
Anonymous
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Even though deep in your heart and head, you know that divorcing this person is ultimately the wisest choice for you and the best thing that you could have ever done for yourself OP, it still is painful.
Remember that because divorce represents the loss of a dream. When you were married, you envisioned yourself with this man for life. You expected to grow old with him, 'til death do you part. Then when things didn't turn out the way you had hoped they would, that dream fell apart which represented a major part of your life. So it would be abnormal for you not to feel any pain. You are suffering a loss. A loss of a dream, a loss of a very special person in your life. You are going to need time to grieve these losses and thus heal yourself. It will take some time and I am sure the fact that your ex-husband already seems to have moved on to another loved one only makes your suffering much worse. Keep things in the proper perspective however. I know it is tough, but you must. I am not privy to the circumstances that led to your divorce, but whatever it was that made it impossible for you to have the ability to spend the rest of your life with this man, to live with him as his wife and love him dutifully...Remember, she is the one who now will have to deal with that. You are off the hook and he is now HER problem. Rest assured that whatever wrong he did you, he will do her as well. People will always show their true colors sooner or later. If the pain becomes too much to bear, perhaps you may be suffering situational depression and should see a Dr. He may prescribe some anti-depressants as well as therapy to help you get through this very understandably difficult time. You need to take care of you right now and if you need help, do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for it. Good luck. The best is yet to come for you OP. You'll see!
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Anonymous
| OP here, many many thanks to you all, much wisdom here. I think it boils down to feeling not strong, I didn't feel strong in the marriage and I don't now. Just talked to my friend who was my maid-of-honor who remembers vividly my telling her after the honeymoon that he has a bad temper. |
Anonymous
| Then lesson learned? |
Anonymous
So true. Unless there is abuse or another equally compelling issue, do yourself and huge favor and stop contemplating divorce, because you are "not in love anymore" 
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Anonymous
Well, read Moby Dick then. Stop picking on words. |